1. Trap door at the entrance leading to tank filled with those dynamite sharks from the Batman movie.

2. A trained henchman with a bear trap for teeth who obeys only me.

3. Outside of my inner sanctum, a racially mixed group of three 60's-like girls who know martial arts lounges on pleather sofas.

4. A giant wall of video monitors. No idea what would be displayed on them, but its a necessity.

5. A secret escape route that leads directly to a major river, snow-covered mountain slope, or space rocket (depending on the location of my lair.)

6. Interrogation room with restraints designed to hold invading secret agents. There would also be a rack of polished surgical instruments in the same room, possibly including a speculum.

Oh wait, these are supposed to have a feeding element to them right? Never mind, back to the drawing board I guess.

Ok, I'll participate.

I'm very precise about the way I do certain everyday tasks. I count brush strokes when brushing my teeth, making sure to get 90 brushes total, 30 on each side. I do something similar when washing my hair, making sure to lather an even 40 times. And when I eat waffles, I make sure that there is syrup in EVERY square. Yeah, I don't have OCD, by the way. I swear.

Oh, and when I don't have anything to say, I usually say "so anyways...", which has led to some confusion as people then assume I have something to say next. So it's not ALWAYS about food.

Absolutely. I used to do that all the time. I started out tracing figures from an art book, and then after a while I tried drawing my own. Sometimes I kept adding layers of fat until they practically filled the page. Of course at the time I had no idea what very fat women even looked like, so it was mostly just guesswork. I eventually stopped doing this when I discovered internet porn.

You know, I've seen this book everywhere I go. It doesn't matter what store, the book is always there. I think it's called "Don't Eat That, Eat This!" and is about simple changes to your diet for the purposes of losing weight. For example, instead of Haagen Dazs ice cream, it tells you to buy Dreyer's instead because it has fewer calories. However, there's really nothing stopping you from buying the book and following its advice in reverse.