Y’know, I think about this a lot too and I think you nailed it at least as far as I’m concerned.

I always had a “weight problem”, dieting and exercising it away. I wanted to get the (natural) bodybuilder physique. I never achieved it though I got in pretty good shape running, mountain biking and weight lifting.

I worked at a school as the IT admin. where there was a custodian named Hector. He was the sweetest politest guy you could meet.. and he was fat. I thought he was attractive as hell, though I wasn’t into fat guys then. I still maintained my dislike and fear of getting/being fat. But I fantasized about him... I still think about him 30 years later.

I discovered Xtube and kept stumbling on the fat guy videos. It was a guilty pleasure to see guys that I thought were really obese... which it turns out that relatively speaking they weren’t... turned me on.

When I saw I wasn’t going to achieve the body image and goals I was going for, realizing that I’m basically lazy and it was more work than I wanted to continue with, I let go and started gaining. I let the historically fat guy in me out of his cage. I’ve wavered over gaining, maintaining or losing. I unintentionally lost 35 lbs last year (I moved, doing most of the work myself). I recently put back 5 lbs and am trying to get back up somewhat. I’m 215 at 5’6” but don’t know if I’ll ever hit 245 again, much less the 260-270 I hoped.

For someone who was fat phobic to the nth degree it’s amazing how much I like being fat, and how I’m attracted to fat guys. And it seems I keep raising the bar.

I’m also self-diagnosed mildly Asperger’s. I have the signs for it as well as OCPD. The Asperger’s runs in my family. It’s funny (odd, not comical) that when I was about 18 someone asked me if I knew what autism was. Apparently he detected it in me from my behavior. I’ve embraced it, but it’s hard for people to understand, with many thinking the things I say and do are worthy of mockery, being treated or talked to like I’m stupid, or just downright disrespectful. I even got it from my family at times despite two nephews being formally diagnosed.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who’s done an about face from being somewhat athletic to wanting to get fat and blubbery. I was a runner, mountain biker and weight lifter for many years, the last stage was weight training power lifting style. I came to love fat padded muscle on guys, with a round belly, and switched my attention to that. I saw a shore town cop in his summer uniform of tight white polo shirt and tight blue shorts. He had massive traps, arms, legs, and a big round belly. I still think about him and um... fantasize.

After a couple of surgeries on my shoulder and back I realized my weightlifting days were over. I started getting fat and liked it. I’m getting soft; my chest is becoming squishy moobs (a definite turn on); my belly, which was the round and hard type seems to be getting softer; I’m getting soft rolls under my armpits. I don’t really have much of a fupa yet, but I’m waiting. I want to see my belly get to ripple when I move, and hang over my belt rather than just protrude.

Watching a former athlete go fat is definitely erotic.

I’m reluctant to mention it at the risk of TMI and it’s somewhat graphic nature, but... personal toilet hygiene.

When I was up to 245 lbs. I dreaded going to the bathroom anywhere but home, where I have a handheld shower head and can get in the shower. Contorting to reach back and around was a nightmare. It doesn’t help that I have two rods and four screws in my lumbar that reduces my flexibility to that of an iron bar.

I often went back to my desk fearing I was not entirely fresh. I lost 30 lbs. unintentionally... increased activity which has slowed to a crawl. I’m beginning to creep back up ... initial goal is 225-230 and take it from there... but I’m beginning to experience the same hygiene issue. I’m retired now and home most of the time, so it’s not a fear I’ll be at work less than completely fresh.

I don’t know what other people, who are even bigger, do to address the issue. Ideas, tips?

Around May 2015. I was wavering about gaining and losing for a while. I was attracted to fat guys for a very long time and secretly wanted to look like them. So I finally decided to just let go.

I’m just about 5’6”. I was down to 210 and up to 245. I’m beginning to feel fat again at 215. So I guess I feel officially fat at about 225.

I read about someone who let his FUPA do it for him. It would rub so much, he got hard and ejaculated right in his pants as he was walking. Now THAT’S a fantasy I could live with!

Remember it takes about 20 mins. for the stomach to tell the brain it’s full. Eat fast to eat more.

I have a related problem in being hungry but not able to eat, especially when I’m stressed or pissed off... just can’t eat even though my stomach is making all kinds of noises and demands.

Yep, sometimes I fantasize about being with someone in a restaurant or at home, who orders a humongous amount of food and forces me to eat it, either encouraging, demanding, or actually feeding me.

Like everyone else is saying, think about it. Hold this weight for a while. If you’re still not sure, gain another 5-10 lbs and hold. Five to 10 lbs should be easy enough to lose if you decide gaining and getting fat is not for you.

Keep in mind that wavering is very common. You may find that when you’re sexually aroused the desire to gain is stronger. For some reason it’s a turn-on. After climaxing the desire to gain often goes away.

For many people, however, and especially for me, the desire to gain and get fatter is just as strong after I orgasm. But I t took a while to get to this point.

I’m at a point that when I look in a mirror, especially dressed and if my clothes are loose, I say to myself “damn, I need to gain weight”. But it took a lot of wavering to get here, and it’s not for everyone. Just don’t beat yourself up.