1. Do you ever regret it? - -YES. But iv accepted this as what I am now.
2. Do you frequently regret it?---- I used to. My regret was waking up and not being able to get out of bed, I never thought about being trapped like that. It scared me.
3. Do you have mixed feelings about it? ---- less mixed now. Mostly acceptance. Now. I'll never be trainign for a half marathon again so why hold on to the past.
4. If you had it to do over, would you still do it? ----no. I would rather be back in low 100’s. until I get into one of my moods, then I would want to do it all over again and more.
5. If you had it to do over, would you have started gaining even sooner? ---- I had two minor forays into gaining in MS. When I get into one of my idealistaic moods I would want to have continued gaining then.
6. Do you plan to gain more in the future, stay the same or lose weight? Or are you just going to see what happens? ---- Our plan now is for me to stay close to 400 till April 1. Then I want to lose. BUT, ALSO, ive been unable to get up and while it was scary it was exciting and I proved to myself that I could lose to get back to being mobile again. SOOOO I will definitely explore temporary immobility in the future.
10 months
Voluptuouslover:
I catch my wife doing this all the time sitting on the couch with me watching net flix. A little squeeze and massage of her big lower belly roll - it is soooo cute!
I have gotten so used to feeling my lower gut at home alone that i forget sometimes and will rest my hand there at work or in public.
its at least as soft as my breasts
10 months
When i was in MS i had two times that i was a "victim" of FA and encouragers.
1. My sister caused me to gain some weight because i was mean to her chubby friend. it was probably only 20 lbs or so.
2. also in MS I had a crush on a man who gave me lots of candy and debbie cakes and encouraged me to eat. he said he made him happy. He was careful to not allow anything sexual to happen between us. Mom, stepped in when she saw how much weight i gained my 7th grade year and locked me down pretty tight. everything she did made me worse.
but she found my stash of snacks and did daily sweeps of my room. She never found the Trac phone he got me though. I still have it.
10 months
Watching, feeling, experiencing the changes my body goes through has been a major turn on for me.
I only have a few pics of the pre ankle injury of me and she is hot. training for a half marathon.
There were milestones along the way that i enjoyed that i wish i could go and experience again:
Getting stuck in a seat for the first time.
being filled to where it hurts to move.
The shock of noticing my lower stomach against my thighs with each step.
Breaking a chair
ripping pants
the look on peoples faces when they hadnt seen me in 50---100--200--250 added pounds.
especially the look on my mom.
even the first time i wasnt able to get out of bed on my own. i was truly horrified when i reaized what i had done. but now, looking back. it was also exciting.
I can now get out of bed on my own but in the back of my mind i want to be trapped liked that again. Ive proved that i can lose weight back to mobility so i guess there is no harm
10 months
Hun, are you safe right now?
Because the more of your posts I read, the more concerned for your safety I become.
Karenjenk:
Im safe.
its not liek soneone is tying me up and feeding me.... not for over a year anyway. i loved those sessions.
if only there was a way to stuff and feel full and not gain so much.
we talked this morning and he said he was committed ot helping my by buying better food. lean mean and salads and the like.
i still want, need?, to make him happy though. but what happens to me of smething happens to him?
Munchies:
Have y'all discussed that? Because every couple needs to have a plan about what they'd do if the other was no longer around - especially if one person is reliant on the other.
Seen what happens when those plans aren't in place. Not just got divorce or abandonment. But other things too like job loss, illness, or death.
It's an uncomfy conversation, but one you need to have - especially for your sake.
We have, i have. he wont take it seriously. some of you haveb een sending me messages abotu the fatnasy part of this and yes it is exciting. a total rush. but the reality is exactly what you say. my fear is not that he will run off and leave me but that he will be in a car accident and i will have to be a burden to someone else. its one thing to have him help me get up. it would be a totally different thing if my sister had to move back in or have my BFF take care of me until im on my own again.
425 this morning.
i have hand weights ive been using to build up stregnth.
and ive been walking for 4-5 minutes at a time. several times a day. i'll do mare as im able.
10 months
Hun, are you safe right now?
Because the more of your posts I read, the more concerned for your safety I become.[/quote]
Im safe.
its not liek soneone is tying me up and feeding me.... not for over a year anyway. i loved those sessions.
if only there was a way to stuff and feel full and not gain so much.
we talked this morning and he said he was committed ot helping my by buying better food. lean mean and salads and the like.
i still want, need?, to make him happy though. but what happens to me of smething happens to him?
10 months
For three weeks now I have needed help getting out of bed. The first time i was in shock. I've tied a rope to the bedframe and door to use to help me up and that worked for a while but now I cant do it by myself.
I never intended to be like this. trapped in so many ways. Most of the time is is embarrassing and degrading. I just don't understand how this also is exciting sometimes. I should be ashamed only
10 months
people sharing pics goes with the territory.
I just assume that if my guy takes pics of me that he is going to share them.... bragging? maybe? pride? ... could be
but if you dont want your pick shared then dont let someone take it.
or dont take it yoruself.
This isnt a popular view for a girl to take but... in this world if you dont protect yourself... no one else will.
11 months
Merry Christmas to all
Today i woke up early and barely needed assistance to get out of bed
Chris has a stuffing party planned for today.
I asked for it.
One last one. The last one. My present to me in a way. I love being pampered and played with and teased and fed.
he has 3 couples coming over in 4 hours and for 6 hours I will eat what every anyone hands me or puts in my lips.
This is the last one because of mobility.
The crazy side of my brain has enjoyed needing help to get out of bed in the morning and needing help to get out of the couch.
the practical part of me is horrified at what ive become and is afraid i will lose my ability to leave this house.
Waddling is hard to do but i can still get up the three steps and to the curb and back. The issues is getting up. I cant lift all of this alone
Anyway,
im allowing myself to completely enjoy today. to enjoy the food and touch and talk.
tomorrow i will begin anew and get back closer to 400.
i know this isnt a popular thing to say on this site but i do plan to lose enough to be more self sufficient and then maybe i can indulge in a feeding session like today in the future and not worry about being trapped.
Merry Christmas to all
Karen
11 months
Brownie mix
leave out the eggs
fold in a half cup of butter
add instead of a quarter cup of oil, add a whole cup of oil
add whole milk till you get the consistency that you want.
You can leave it like this and drink it or spoon it.
I like to add chocolate chips and walnuts to mine then freeze it. The extra oil keeps it from turning into a brick.
and if you remember to stir it really hard every 20 minutes it will be lighter too.
I've mixed it so thin that it flows throught a funnel and tube easily and mixed it so thick that it's like eating ice cream.
11 months
