What you are describing is that you are not attracted to your partner, physically. That is incredibly unfair to her because then her needs are not being met, not just yours.



I'm going to be blunt because you did specifically ask for an unfiltered opinion: you are dating a woman who is thin and you *know* you are not attracted to that and you told her early on and still continued the relationship.

I'm saying this as a fat woman who has always been the "secret" of thin/average FAs who proudly date (And then cheat on) thin partners: this action is inherently fatphobic and I strongly encourage you to explore the shame YOU have around YOUR attraction to fat people. If you did not carry this shame, you would not be here making this post so far in to a relationship that you have just clearly expressed can't move forward in.

She has clearly expressed how undervalued she feels because of this. Of course I understand you still care about and likely even love each other; but that is not enough to continue a relationship, especially when you are ambivalent about your attraction.

I don't see a problem with FAs trying to date thinner people. Sometimes they do realize that they have attraction to all bodies and that's great! But you have clearly figured out that you don't, and you owe it to her to let her find someone who is attracted to her, and the same for you also.

NO, cheating is not the answer (if you have not agreed mutually what adult content is okay to consume together, then yes that is infidelity). It won't stop with just consuming content. I cannot express this enough, you will eventually move toward a relationship with a fat person through a place like this, and then you are using *everybody* and harming fat people even more. I cannot tell you how most of us are treated like we are disposable and interchangeable instead of as actual humans with feelings. You know subconsciously that you want a connection with a fat person and pretending otherwise just to keep a thin partner only uses everyone as an object.

TLDR: you already know the answer. It sucks, I know, and I do sincerely understand it's hard. Loving someone also means acknowledging and acting upon that you cannot provide them what they need, which you can't. That's no one's fault.

You sound like you gave it your best shot and that's a good thing. Most relationships are not supposed to last forever, and you have a choice of either *really* hurting a lot of people through deception and denial (including yourself!) or being honest with everyone for their own good.

yeppppppp. because they get away with it and whine when people call it out

For someone who wants harmony they sure as heck love to make it clear that ~one side~ is clearly in the wrong lol.

Like I get it, I do, but the fact is that dogwhistles are a thing, a quite nefarious one, and the only appropriate response is to call them out every single time without fail.

For someone who purports to totally respect women in their profile, it seems to be lost on you that a woman hears this exact rhetoric from other men *constantly* in private also.
I cannot tell you how many men have told me out of the blue "wow you're not like all the others who are scamming for money and begging for sponsored feedings."

So the fact that they then come here to complain about it and implying that people just want money (a classic misogynist take about how women are golddiggers) makes this absolutely relevant. And it is almost entirely exclusive to men complaining about women.





Oh, I agree. Like blatantly ignoring that the question I asked was for the site owner specifically, that's why it was quoted for him. And also dismissing womens' experience. A man complains about a woman's behavior with very clear misogynist rhetoric, and a woman points out that there is certainly likely to be critical information left out of the story. That almost all women here who have experienced prior comparisons can tell you.

So how about if that's not an experience you have, you don't tone-police a woman about it? (And yes it's clear you don't, because this wouldn't be your response if it was).



hiccupx's response was dismissive (a lot like yours!) but not dragging. Nor did I deny I was projecting, I just agreed like yeah I could have framed it better but my message would have been the same. I said what I said on purpose. I know exactly what I was saying.

Nothing in the section you quoted was against anything or anyone. They were sincere questions. If hiccupx is willing to consider what I suggested, then that's actually a move to make things equal.

Additionally, these aren't "my own issues." You can't both say that you acknowledge women experience constant dehumanization and then scoff when we point out that these topics are absolutely related. Either you are aware this happens constantly (and actively participate in it) or you are not. They are not separate.

I'm not saying that bait and switching doesn't happen *ever*. Or that there aren't women in the community who have heard that places like these exist and these kind of transactions *can* occur and join specifically for that reason. I *am* saying that the vast majority of the time, when men experience this, there are multiple obvious things at play and they are conveniently excluded from the conversation: their own social skills, ability to gauge a fake profile, or literal assumption that they would get free content. There is absolutely an overlap with that and what I vented about. I've had enough conversations with men like that to promise you something else happened in that conversation that is OP's responsibility, whether or not he knows it.

And when they come here to the forums, it's always sympathy and blameshifting they want. Thankfully in this thread a couple of people have pointed out to OP that yeah, it's not very clear on your end and we don't have all the info, but largely that's not the response to these types of threads.

It's happened to me a few times also, chatting with another woman and she throws her pitch whether she's a content creator or just a little lost. It never bothers me. Ether I decline and we move on or we kindly part ways. And I'm a queer woman who is probably *more* frustrated with the low femme population than men are.

If OP had said "Man, I am really tired of this happening, can anyone offer pointers, am I missing something?" Totally different conversation. Instead it was clearly framed was "this woman dared to ask me for something when I'm not visibly offering anything or conveniently not providing any other context or detail." And not only do I see it in the forums but I get full on DMs and private chats about it *all the time* - and despite the fact that most men here *really* want to interact with women, they sure as heck hate listening to us when we provide feedback or offer proactive advice.

So yeah, if a man is going to complain about an interaction with a woman that almost always happens in this way, women absolutely should be able to provide the context of their experiences also.

found the n*zi

I remember I had a lovely chat once with another woman who gushed over how *she* would bring along extra snacks in her bag simply to feed me throughout the day, rather than pack or serve an extra helping at a meal or in my lunch to go. Full-service included with unwrapping it and hand-feeding it to me.

I always found it so cute and nurturing, and something that would absolutely make me melt. I'm not super big on public stuff but that's exactly the kind of soft feeding I'd fill up for real fast!

I mean there *are* professional by-the-hour dungeons that operate legally in some states. Alas, feeding does create too much liability to be operated safely.

But it's a fun thought! And I may very well use that idea for a story some time!

I'll absolutely concede that yeah, my rant is a bit ranty, but I'd venture a bet that my experience is far more common than what Hydrogen indicated and most of us don't speak about it because of answers like this. Ultimately my point is that choosing to pay a feedee isn't the same as the dehumanization almost (if not every) woman and femme person experiences here.

So it begs the question: how is OP not dumping on women? And why is it tolerated? Why are threads like these constantly allowed? Is it something that you are willing to revisit and restructure so people of all genders can provide sincere feedback, publicly, about things they are experiencing without fear of retaliation or dismissal?