I don't find that very nice of him.

I understand he likes to see other gain as well. But if he understands how this makes you feel and then says "that's all well and good if it makes you feel that way but all I want is to also see others gain", to me that's not very loving towards you.

In my mind he should be counting himself lucky he has someone like you AND that you want to gain.

I'm not sure it's you who should have to be finding a way how to deal with these feelings instead of him.

From an article in the NYT:

"The researchers also examined past studies of overeating, in which people gorged on food to see how much weight they gained and how quickly, and found that most of them added pounds at a rate that suggested they could absorb about two and a half times their basic caloric needs. That is, participants might swallow more calories, but their bodies could not process anything beyond that limit."

Maybe talk about it with him? Explain how it makes you feel.

If it seems to turn into a whole drama but you prefer staying with him you can turn it into a game; "how about every week/month/whatever I gain at least 1 lbs you look only at me?"

We come from two totally different angles. I'm a feeder/encourager who has worked hard at having his wife accept she's gained and is gaining weight.

One of the things I do to encourage that behavior is treat her like a queen. She is my all. Although I like to post her and on Curvage for the community, for the feeling of sharing this stuff, I'm not really into looking at other "models" precisely because if eve she would find out it would make her feel kind of insecure, not enough, or second rate.

So for me your feelings are what's normal, what's to be expected.

Also, looking at your profile you seem to feel you're not gaining enough but 232 lbs is a lot, especially at your height. You're officially Obese Class 2; you did very nice work on your body.

Empower yourself girl.

My wife eats all her emotions. Sad? Comfort with food. Happy? Celebrate with food. Nervous? Eat.

Of course I always have all needed goodies in the house. Whether she feels sad, happy, or whatever, she can always have the snacks and food she deserves.

I encourage her use of food as a comforter and will usually give her something with the remark "you deserve it"

I think you did a fun thing. It's fun for us feeder/enablers to do something like that, and for the person the feeling of "having it" isn't bad.

Encouraging, enticing, manipulating; all these kinds of behavior modification are a huge turn on for me. I've done the adding hidden calories thing but the encouraing is much more fun.

My wife wants to be thin but doesn't want to do the thin things; she wants to eat, she doesn't want to be active. So I encourage that behavior. Surround her with easily accessible snacks, have cake and ice cream and pies in the house at all times, and work on turning her "oh no" attitude into "I deserve good food and doing nothing and getting fatter isn't the worst" Seeing her eat and gain is just that much more fun.

I like it a lot when being overweight and even obese is becoming more normalized.

In Canada 28% of adults over 18 are overweight. Adding the overweight category, 64% are overweight to obese.

My feedee more or less lets things happen to her but has a not so flattering self image. It helps if 6 out of every 10 women she see is overweight. It helps if 3 out of every 10 women are obese like she is.

I always notice when we go on vacation. The place we go to has a very high rate of obesity going from generation to generation. And she just fits in here; it's the thin women that stand out as out of place.

None of this is codified so take it as you wish...

A gainer is someone who wants to gain. Alone, together; the means aren't the main thing. Gaining is.

A feedee is someone who needs feeding, encouraging, enabling in order to gain.

I see myself as a feeder because I love enabling and encouraging my wife's overeating and her gaining.
I don't see her as a gainer because getting big(ger) isn't what she wants. In that way she is my feedee because I have to help make sure she gets her calories and keeps growing.

I've been using behavior modification with my wife since I told her I prefer her with more weight on her. Part of that includes starting to let my hands wander from carressing her breasts to also her belly....then on the neck...down the back....over the fat rolls...all the while complimenting her on how good and sexy she looks.

She's thus learned to accept that over the past 2 years and now it's a very normal thing to her when I stand behind her, squeeze a fat roll here and there (what I call "inspecting", let my hands run over her breasts, then her belly, and finally place both hands under it to lift it up to feel the weight. Again, with all the lover, tenderness, and compliments she deserves for being fat.

Seeing her in bed is one of the best parts of the day. When she lays on her side her belly really makes for a nice fat bump. I spoon behind her and it's standard now that we fall asleep with me holding her belly. I bring my arm over, carress her belly, fat bumps, and sometimes FUPA, and then place my hand between the mattress and her belly,experiencing the weight.

On a side note, now that's she's used to that I've started just recently to train her to let me carress her double chin. I know it's a bit of a point of a feeling of shame for her and so it's that more important, and also that much more of a turn on, to have her accept being touched there, eventually confusing or mixing up her own feelings of whether her double chin is good or bad. So far so good.

House. MIndhunter.