Good luck at getting back on the gain train! I understand how frustrating that can be (I had to change my diet to deal with a diabetes diagnosis and have lost thirty pounds in the five months since, and everyone around me thinks this is completely wonderful, while I'm quite saddened by the change.

That is fantastic

@Heidirayson you sound far too sane for this place *L*

Enjoy the heck out of your holidays

It would not surprise me that even if he decides that he doesn't want to be as big, that he never loses all of it. Being lazy and loving food do make losing weight a lot harder, especially when you've mentioned that you've already helped him be more active and fit than he was in the past -- he doesn't have a previous higher activity set of habits that he can re-adopt, and it is harder to pick those up as you get older and are already fatter. Overall it sounds like you are more driven, so more likely to manage larger weight changes.

I'll be interested to hear how it goes. Good luck, and enjoy those creamy, sweet, drinks

I would happily be the thinnest person in the room. Not because I want credit for being smaller than others, but because I want the encouragement of being around people fatter than me

There are basically two possibilities here, your parents can be trained to respect your wishes, or they can't. You'll know them best.

If they can be trained, you just set firm guidance without having to be too explicit. When you start dating someone you tell them how wonderful she is, how you really like her, how gorgeous she is, how well she treats you. Before you bring her to meet them you repeat those things, and if she is really large you maybe mention that she is bigger but you like her how she is.

Then you ignore subtle hints, give your parents less of your time if they bug you too much, and keep repeating the points above. And you try to find opportunities for your parents to be with her in situations where she will shine, and they'll get to see more of what attracts you to her.

Ultimately if you are happy, they will come to accept that, and drop the topic (at least mostly). IF they are trainable.

Then there is the case where "they'd rather be right than be happy" (using "be right" as meaning sticking with how they feel about the world without adapting). In that case, yah, they'll probably never change, and you'll have to decide how much you want them in your life, or date someone with a rock-hard character who can mostly ignore them (or give it back as much as she gets it, which does work with some people but not others).

But ultimately it is your life, and living it for them is not apt to make you happy. So probably the single biggest thing is accepting that you can be a good person and make a good decision that displeases your parents, and this is OK.

And she works in a big & tall shop? Sounds like she may be a fan of fat?

You try to focus him on healthy eating and getting more activity, versus a focus on weight loss (better for his physical and mental health in the long run), you quietly and occasionally let him know that you like his tummy (or whatever), and you practice patience. It sounds like he tends to gain whenever he's not actively losing.

And one more thing to think about: are his diet kicks driven purely by his own weight gain, or also by yours? Is it possible that he'd get bigger if you were not gaining as much? (not a pleasant thought to consider, but worth thinking about just in case, at which point you might have to decide which of you gaining is your priority)

Hi, I'm sure that this varies a lot by person, but thought I'd throw in my experience and observations for whatever it is worth.

My wife and I have never gotten as big as the two of you (I'm 5'8" and her 5'6", and both have peaked around 240 pounds), and two things I've noticed is that while things don't necessarily get physically easier over time, they become less of a mental and emotional load as you get used to them. Like, my belly never got less in the way when i was putting on shoes, but after a while I just automatically put on shoes in ways where it got less in the way, so didn't notice that issue as much. And at that weight we were both a little bit slower in our walking, but after a bit we adjusted our mental expectations of how long it would take to walk somewhere and more automatically stepped aside if someone was overtaking us without trying to match their pace. And for that matter, we more automatically walked at the right pace for us, instead of starting off at our old pace and getting out of breath and only then slowing down.

I also noted that for both of us, after losing weight and regaining it, the second time seemed less intrusive into life than the first. How much was more quickly getting into those fat habits, and how much was our bodies having retained a certain amount of strength for carrying the weight, or something else, I'm not sure.

I've also observed with others that people who have been fat for a long time tend to deal with it better on a day to day basis than people who have recently gained. An experienced super-sized person just automatically gets up out of a chair in an effective way, instead of wallowing around trying to just stand up and trying to figure out how to position themselves, for example. Or they know how much space they need so don't find themselves bumping into things by accident. Or for that matter they don't have furniture that doesn't accommodate them.

I totally agree about wanting to walk and bike! (favorite activities of my wife and mine, too). I think you do need to keep an eye on how well you can do those things that you want to keep on doing, because as you said, you will only build up so much more strength and endurance over time (him maybe a bit more, thanks to the effect of testosterone when it comes to such things). But I think the general awkwardness decreases over time more.

ETA: I got a diabetes diagnosis this past Summer. At 53 not shockingly young, but young enough that it has a real chance to cut into my number of healthy years of life left to enjoy, so I've made some pretty sharp diet changes (massive reduction in carbs) to get my blood glucose under control. I mention this because 1) Family health history is probably something to take into account, too (do either of you have a lot of diabetes or high blood pressure in your family?) and 2) From the change of diet and getting better about getting daily activity I've ended up losing 20 pounds, and between the change of diet, more daily activity, and that much weight loss my energy levels and vigour are up remarkably. So just saying that even a small loss might make a big difference in how you each feel, while still leaving you each pretty fat (hopefully satisfyingly fat). I'd rather not have lost weight, but given that I did I try to see the bright sides of it.