Gooble, gobble! Gooble, gobble! We accept her, we accept her!

(Goes back to lurking.)

I'm going to tell you what you probably don't want to hear, but I'm also potentially going to save you a lot of money, effort, and maybe even heartache.

Ready? Here goes...

A long-distance relationship is probably not the best way to go your first time out.

You might not even want to set your sights on a relationship involving feederism, especially if you've never been in a relationship before. It can only complicate things.

You can get there eventually. But it doesn't have to be the main objective.

Honestly, I would not recommend FF as a dating site, at least not as your only go-to, especially if you don't want to get really cynical really fast.

For now, why not just try casual dating for fun? The dating pool is a lot bigger and you'll have a lot more money to spend on dates rather than airfare, lodging, etc.

You might be thinking that's just a waste of time because you already know what you want, and why bother settling, and I get that, but you know what's worse? Feeling bad about yourself and having zero fun in the meantime.

If you're already worrying about the emigration/immigration situation before you've even gone on a date--or before you've even messaged anyone!--you're worrying needlessly and getting in your own way.

Relax and have fun.

It is quite clear to me (and to all of us here, I hope) that you must live out the rest of your days as a nun, or at least live a sort of nun-like existence henceforth.

Through a life of prayer and quiet contemplation, you must atone for your crimes against humanity, which have been brought about by this insatiable compulsion of yours to fatten others.

Perhaps most egregious of all, you have been driven to post about your nefarious misdeeds on a forum dedicated to just such activities, and that is dangerous. Thus, your posts on this site must be sponged clean, so that no unwitting soul should ever stumble upon them again, which would only perpetuate this cycle of corruption.

I'm sorry that it has come to this. But it's for the good of all.

That is a good start, FemaleFatAdmirer.

But I see your username is still "FemaleFatAdmirer." And that is problematic, because one should not "admire" fat or fat people, for reasons that are obvious. (If these reasons are somehow still not clear to you, it is only because your re-education has been inadequate. Please report to Room 115A, where an instructor will be waiting with an authoritative demeanor, a clipboard, and a regulation paddle.)

Furthermore, I also would like to see some immediate adjustments made to the overall content of this site. There is an appalling dearth of commentary on the health benefits of leafy greens and high-intensity interval training. This must change!

Oo! Oo! I know the name of that game! It's called "I Am a Good Person and You All Are Bad People Because I Say So™." It's a madcap game of thrills and spills for 2 to infinite players! You are the Sole Arbiter of Human Decency®. Your opponents are all slavering cretins, incapable of the thinnest sliver of compassion or depth of spirit. The goal: Maintain your moral hegemony at all costs!

In the words of the mighty WOPR: "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."

And not a moment too soon. I didn't know if I could take one more thread about the effects of heavy cream.

I, for one, welcome our new skinny overlords.

(Sips coffee.)

I'm getting the strangest sense that perhaps this whole thread is...I dunno...an allegory for...something.

Probably just my imagination.

I suddenly have a hankering for french fries, though, so that's weird....

[Marches around thread with bullhorn]

But FemaleFatAdmirer...IT WOULD BE WRONG!

I was not prepared for this dilemma.

And yet, as if by some unholy magic, the little Amazon ad beneath this message is prompting me to purchase an S&M paddle--rated 4.5 out of 5 stars by customers!

A moral quandary!

I feel quite certain that you intended, but perhaps merely forgot, to also post a disclaimer that this is a purely hypothetical scenario. Naturally.