Past the point of no return
canuck:
there was a post that touched on the point of "no return" a little while back, but it was locked when it started to drift way off topic... i wanted to post about my experience over the last few weeks.
long story short: i was fit/athletic/muscular for most of my life. i moved to a new city (ottawa), started dating diane, a ssbbw, and fell out of my gym habits and started to get fat (i posted about that here if you want more background: fantasyfeeder.com/forum/posts ).
so... after the pandemic began, and with family stuff and work stuff complicating life, i had to move cities again. my girlfriend and i eventually decided to amicably split up rather than kill our relationship slowly by distance.
like everyone else, i had put on a few pounds during the pandemic (ok, more than a few!) mostly due to my reduced physical activity (like, almost none, lol).
what surprised me was that, months after we split up, my weight was still increasing. i just assumed that, being away from diane, i would start to drop weight, without the influence of her enthusiasm for good food around.
looking back, diane completely changed my relationship with food. she wasn't into feedism at all, she was more of a foodie - and she absolutely loved food. where we would eat, or what places we would order food from, were the prime considerations when we were dating. what movie we saw was not as important as the restaurant we had dinner at before the show! this excitement and interest in food is what really rubbed off on me, and led me down my gaining path. before i learned to enjoy the feeling of being really full - stuffed to the brim - i learned to really appreciate flavours and textures of food more deeply from her. i was like her apprentice in eating!
now i can look back at the combination of this change in my relationship with food with having given up on the gym (due more to the embarrassment of my growing paunch than any other particular motivation), and the change in my lifestyle makes sense. my desires have changed, my daily motivations, and how i seek pleasure.
fast forward to 2021... we are still stuck in the covid pandemic. i am now 320 lbs, more than double my weight 3 years ago. i have started to date a self-professed "chubby chaser," emily. she was not aware of feedism until i introduced her to it, and she isn't sure it has much appeal for her. in her words: "i just like fat people."
from my perspective now, as a fat "foodie," it is really interesting dating someone who is a fat admirer, and being the fat object of her admiration.
i mentioned to emily that i was a little surprised that i was fatter now than when i had split from my ex. emily wasn't surprised, she asked me, "have you seen how much you eat??" so she suggested i track my calories with an app to see what was i really eating.
so i got an account at fatsecret.com/ which is normally used by people trying to lose weight... but you can put in a higher goal weight if you want to, as well.
they have a really great database of foods which makes it easy to track what you are eating, and it does all the calorie math for you. it was kind of surprising to see how everything adds up, to be honest.
after using the app for a few weeks, most days i can see that i consume between 6,000-7,000 calories, which apparently is about double what would be required to maintain my weight given my level of activity. that kind of surprised me. my highest day was over 8,000 calories! when i made an effort to "rein in" my intake, i managed a few days between 5,000-5,500 calories.
this is why i think i have past the point of no return. to actually lose weight would require such an incredible change in my lifestyle at this point, i think i would be absolutely miserable. it's like my brain's pleasure-center has been rewired. i used to challenge myself on the treadmill to run further, or longer, or faster - but that no longer inspires me. in some ways, i think of how much time i spent running in place, not getting anywhere! but the thought of giving up pizza, mashed potatoes with gravy, lasagna, tiramisu, freshly baked donuts... oh, the feeling of being deprived that way just makes me sad.
i am not sure what will come next for me, but i feel very content where i am right now.
i would be interested to know if anyone else has felt similarly in their gain, or their change of lifestyle?
there was a post that touched on the point of "no return" a little while back, but it was locked when it started to drift way off topic... i wanted to post about my experience over the last few weeks.
long story short: i was fit/athletic/muscular for most of my life. i moved to a new city (ottawa), started dating diane, a ssbbw, and fell out of my gym habits and started to get fat (i posted about that here if you want more background: fantasyfeeder.com/forum/posts ).
so... after the pandemic began, and with family stuff and work stuff complicating life, i had to move cities again. my girlfriend and i eventually decided to amicably split up rather than kill our relationship slowly by distance.
like everyone else, i had put on a few pounds during the pandemic (ok, more than a few!) mostly due to my reduced physical activity (like, almost none, lol).
what surprised me was that, months after we split up, my weight was still increasing. i just assumed that, being away from diane, i would start to drop weight, without the influence of her enthusiasm for good food around.
looking back, diane completely changed my relationship with food. she wasn't into feedism at all, she was more of a foodie - and she absolutely loved food. where we would eat, or what places we would order food from, were the prime considerations when we were dating. what movie we saw was not as important as the restaurant we had dinner at before the show! this excitement and interest in food is what really rubbed off on me, and led me down my gaining path. before i learned to enjoy the feeling of being really full - stuffed to the brim - i learned to really appreciate flavours and textures of food more deeply from her. i was like her apprentice in eating!
now i can look back at the combination of this change in my relationship with food with having given up on the gym (due more to the embarrassment of my growing paunch than any other particular motivation), and the change in my lifestyle makes sense. my desires have changed, my daily motivations, and how i seek pleasure.
fast forward to 2021... we are still stuck in the covid pandemic. i am now 320 lbs, more than double my weight 3 years ago. i have started to date a self-professed "chubby chaser," emily. she was not aware of feedism until i introduced her to it, and she isn't sure it has much appeal for her. in her words: "i just like fat people."
from my perspective now, as a fat "foodie," it is really interesting dating someone who is a fat admirer, and being the fat object of her admiration.
i mentioned to emily that i was a little surprised that i was fatter now than when i had split from my ex. emily wasn't surprised, she asked me, "have you seen how much you eat??" so she suggested i track my calories with an app to see what was i really eating.
so i got an account at fatsecret.com/ which is normally used by people trying to lose weight... but you can put in a higher goal weight if you want to, as well.
they have a really great database of foods which makes it easy to track what you are eating, and it does all the calorie math for you. it was kind of surprising to see how everything adds up, to be honest.after using the app for a few weeks, most days i can see that i consume between 6,000-7,000 calories, which apparently is about double what would be required to maintain my weight given my level of activity. that kind of surprised me. my highest day was over 8,000 calories! when i made an effort to "rein in" my intake, i managed a few days between 5,000-5,500 calories.
this is why i think i have past the point of no return. to actually lose weight would require such an incredible change in my lifestyle at this point, i think i would be absolutely miserable. it's like my brain's pleasure-center has been rewired. i used to challenge myself on the treadmill to run further, or longer, or faster - but that no longer inspires me. in some ways, i think of how much time i spent running in place, not getting anywhere! but the thought of giving up pizza, mashed potatoes with gravy, lasagna, tiramisu, freshly baked donuts... oh, the feeling of being deprived that way just makes me sad.
i am not sure what will come next for me, but i feel very content where i am right now.
i would be interested to know if anyone else has felt similarly in their gain, or their change of lifestyle?
I really liked your post, I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and in the last year we were living together, I’ve gained almost twenty pounds just by eating habit changes. He’s 360 and very food picky as in he only things fried and or grill(burgers). It’s been so very hard to try and change my diet due to the intense cravings I don’t want to go back. I also just downloaded this app you mentioned and it is already so informative!!
4 years