Chapter 2 - the secret

When he got home, he stopped thinking about her. He was too tired for a run tonight. He opened the freezer, took out some salmon fillets, he fried them and served them with salad. No beer tonight tho. He went to the living room, turned on the TV and started watching a rubbish action movie.

After an hour, he was bored. The movie was formulaic. American shoots some Russian agents and rescues his kidnapped wife. His mind was starting to wander, he was thinking about Carla. He was curious. He found his mobile phone and searched her on LinkedIN. Her photo was a vaguely flattering picture of her face, wearing black rimmed glasses and white blouse shirt, She went to a good university, studied accounting as a BSc and changed to an MA in network analysis. Her thesis was about the local subway network. She previously worked for a small airport. He endorsed her skill in OperaTools and sent a connection request. The page was an interesting read, but was dull. He wanted to know more about her personally, not just her CV.

He logged into Facebook, but paused. "am I being stalkerish, if I look for her on here? Well, if I don't add her, she'll never know" he though. He entered her name in the search bar. "aha. Second result." He clicked on her face... Private... "oh. Of course, she's sensible"... He then looked up at the url. It said "facebook.com/Carla.ffa.1983"... "a username? Wonder what that means... Should I google this?" he felt like a complete creep for even thinking this. "nobody would ever know if I did"... He hesitated, but didn't stop. He opened Google browser and typed... Carlaffa1983 and pressed the search button.

The results were a profile for Facebook at the top... "no, that's nothing"... EBay... "maybe... Wonder what she buys"... Tumblr... "oh I hate this site... Can never work out how to use it. Oh well, I'll try it." He clicked the link.

The image that came up made him smile. It was a gif of Homer Simpson in Hell, with the devil feeding him doughnut. "wow, she likes the Simpsons. I still watch that sometimes." Then he saw the comment she made. "I wish I could be that devil lol"... "what... Does that mean?" He scrolled down. The first comment was made buy a man called "hamking420" who showed a user pic of a giant, hairy belly. It said "yum, I always wanted to be Homer"... The next comment was made by a guy with the username "Lardquake77"... "I wish someone would do that to me."

"what the fuck am I reading?" he thought. "this can't have been made by Carla... There must be another weirdo using the username." He closed the tab. He went back to Google, he felt a little shaky... The next link was a website called "Feedistlife". More freak stuff? He clicked on the link. "you must log in to see this users profile". "Damn! I need to see if its her". He clicked "join". "create username and password"... "shit! What am I doing" but he couldn't stop "username... Erm... I need to blend in.... HomerSimpson... No, taken.... BigBoned... Taken... LardLad... No... FatFreddy... Bingo!".
"create profile"... "no, skip this."... "error, the following are mandatory. Age, height, Weight, Location, Photo."... "Crap."... He typed "Age 32, Height 6"1, Weight... 180lbs, location... Somewhere fake... Denver". He paused at the last one. "Enter photo. Photograph must show you, no catfishing. You do not have to show your face."...

"What? Damn!"... He looked around the room for inspiration. "what if I googled a random? No catfish tho, the site algorithm, would probably notice and block me from trying. The Tumblr guys didn't show their face, but they were really fat... I'm not." He lifted up his shirt. He'd obviously lost weight lately and would look out of place. He turned his camera to selfie and pointed it at his stomach and puffed it out until it was round... He took the picture, feeling like a complete idiot and looked back at it... The picture just showed his slender body with an obviously fake looking belly. "no... They would never believe that.... Delete." He tried again, but leaned forwards, but it still looked terrible, there was still visible muscle definition. "delete".

He was feeling stressed. He felt urgency in getting access to the site now. "Beer!" he said aloud, quickly covering his mouth upon realising... He took his shirt off, ran into the kitchen and found 3 cans left. "yes, this should be enough". He opened another cupboard and took out a mixing bowl and poured the three pints in, filling up the bottom half and carefully carried it back to the living room.

He sat on the sofa looking at the bowl of sparkling ale. "why the hell am I doing this? Am I crazy? Why do I want to see if Carla is on here so badly? I barely even know her and would I really want to know if she's into this? If she is, she'd not be interested in me. Damn it, I need to know, I'm too curious" He put the bowl to his lips, held his breath and poured it back as fast as he could.
"oh shit" he belched enormously after taking in just over half of the beer in one go. His stomach felt stiff and sore already. He belched again and painted to catch his breath. "its too fizzy". He looked down. The upper area of his stomach had begun to swell a bit. He pressed on it to ease the gas and belched again... "oh my god." He let himself breathe and picked up the other half and drank it. He had to take it slower to let each mouthful settle. He finished the lot and belched. He clutched his stomach, it was tight and throbbing... He was wanting for breath and burping very slightly on almost every exhale. A few beads of sweat formed on his forehead.

"No turning back now". He glanced at his stomach, it had swollen into a small bloated bulge. He massaged the air to ease the pressure... He took a picture. It still didn't look like it would be big enough for the site... He tried again. He slouched in the chair, he puffed his stomach out a little more and massaged his stomach over his waistband so it hung over it a little bit and took a final photograph.

"perfect, that looks a little bit fat." He thought and he uploaded the picture to the website.
"Membership approved. Welcome to Feedist Life, FatFreddy"
He sighed. He felt accomplished. Maybe slightly tipsy too from the beers. "right... Search... Username... Carlaffa1983....

It was her. Carla. Her first photograph was her. He only glanced at her face in recognition, but couldn't stop from immediately looking down. There she was, in black underwear and suspenders, kneeling on the bed, her arms posed behind her head. Her dark skin, slightly thick waist, show of her curvaceous legs... "holy shit, it is her and she's beautiful". The caption said "I'm ready for bed, but not to sleep"... Red felt awestruck, when he spoke to her earlier that day, she seemed so normal... He never imagined he'd see her like this... He couldn't stop himself. He had to check all her photos. There was nothing else quite so revealing as the main profile picture, a few selfies in make up, before nights out, one in a long black dress, looked like an old graduation photo and one of her pinching her stomach into little rolls captioned "Feedist Life effect, lol!"
This was information overload, he read her profile. She was a FFA/ feeder, lived in the same town, liked horror movies, anime and 90s nu metal... She'd listed her height as 5"11 and weight at 205... He laughed at the idea a website would ask women to state their weight, he still felt somewhat out of touch with the concept of the site.

Finally, he clicked on "see users forum posts". This would be the best way to get an idea of what this was about. The latest post was made today under a thread called "feeder subterfuge". She was replying to a thread started by another user a fortnight ago. Her post quoted the original question "do you guys ever find yourself secretly feeding the people around you? If so, how do you do it? Do they notice?" She replied "lol a guy at work obviously skipped breakfast so I gave him a huge muffin. He looked bemused cause he's into exercise, but he still ate it! Bless him, I should keep an eye on him"...

"what the fuck? She's writing about me on a website for fat people?" he felt somewhat violated, but he knew he was doing the same by spying on her. He was tipsy, excited from the photographs of her he saw and very confused about the whole situation... He knew he wouldn't sleep very much tonight.