Chapter 2

My retirement dinner was on a Saturday, and I was sort of surprised when Laura didn't even mention eating, gaining, or anything on Sunday. I went into to office to wrap things up on Monday.

Laura had told me to be home by 6:30, so I suspected she was going to prepare a huge dinner to start me off with a bang. She had other things in mind.

When I opened the door, I was greeted by a loud "Surprise" cry given by the 7 couples of our feeder group. There was a large banner hung across the kitchen entrance which had "Farewell Mike" written in large letters alongside a blow up picture of me taken shortly after our wedding. I looked very skinny wearing only my bathing suit. I took a moment to acknowledge my surprise, then started greeting our guests.

"Hello Bob," I said to the man closest to the snack table. Bob had to weigh close to 400 pounds. It was hard to believe that when he had joined our little group only 4 years ago, he had been a skinny sailor just finishing up his tour in the service. He had almost been rejected by the Navy for being underweight.

His wife Wendy had married him just out of college, and had patiently waited while he served his Navy duty. She had been a part of our feeder group long before meeting Bob, and she often told us about how she would fatten Bob starting the minute he signed his discharge papers.

The process had been quick, and extremely exciting to the lady feeders in the group. Each meeting Bob would show up with his belly bulging further and further out, while Wendy constantly plied him with cookies, cakes, and other fattening snacks that were brought to the meetings in large quantities by the feeders.

"How are you Mike?" he answered. "I guess it won't be too long before you start looking like me," said Bob, smiling. Just then Wendy came up and popped a cookie into Bob's mouth. She reached over and patted me on the stomach. "I better double up on the recipe from now on," she said with a smile.

As soon as Bob finished chewing, he tapped his beer glass to quiet the group. "Gather round", he announced, and everyone moved in closer to listen.

"The purpose of our gathering tonight is to wish Mike well as he begins his journey to becoming a wonderfully happy fat man. Laura has been patiently waiting for over 20 years for this moment, so with that in mind, the group would like to present you with a few necessary gifts for your journey."

The group yelled and clapped, and waited for me to start opening the small pile of packages on the table. I opened them quickly, holding each one up to be admired by the group.

Among the presents were: A copy of the "Pigs is Pigs" cartoon; several pair of pants in increasing larger sizes; a tape measure that went up to 100 inches; an empty photo album, presumably for documentation of the expected weight gain; a pair of slide-in slippers; a set of tongs on a telescoping pole (for picking up things when one can no longer bend over); a calendar with every day marked "Thanksgiving"; a sewing kit, presumably for sewing on overtaxed buttons and split seams; and a golf club with a huge bow in the middle to accommodate the big belly that was going to appear.

Finally, Bob pulled out a scale balanced upon a pull cart. "It goes up to 500 pounds, he announced to the group. Will that be enough," he said, looking toward Laura?

Grinning, Laura looked at me and then back at the scale. "We'll have to play it by ear", she said. "Can we trade it in for a larger version if we need to," she asked, flashing me a wicked smile?

The group laughed and applauded. As soon as the laughter had died down, I addressed the group.

"Thank you all so much for the well wishes and the presents, but I hope that you have all kept your receipts. You see, for the last 20 years, I have been the one primarily responsible for preparing the meals in the house. As you can tell from Laura's spectacular figure, I have acquired some skill in making irresistibly excellent meals. 20 years have passed since Laura has had to prepare meals, and I'm afraid that she may have lost her former skills. She may not be able to prepare edible meals, or possess the skills to entice me to eat enough to gain weight and get fat."

A silence filled the room, followed by a collective "OOOHH" from the group. I tried not to smile, and did not immediately look over at Laura. When I did, I saw her, hands on hips, flashing me a challenging smile. Finally she answered. "Feel free to throw away your receipts," she said. "A year from now, Mike here will have a belly the likes of which he cannot currently imagine."

The rest of the party passed with the guests giving encouragement to Laura and smiling at me, patting me on the back, and wishing me good luck.