chapter 4-2

I sighed, grabbing at the ring of pudge around my middle with both hands.

“You said you like this but-” I hefted it up and let it bounce down, noting how Noka’s eyes traced the movement. “Do you like… me?” Noka didn’t say anything yet, he just kept staring at me. I sighed again. “I guess I’m- well, I know I’m having a hard time looking… like this. I’ve never been chubby before. People notice how different we are and stare. And if I lost weight I’m not sure you’d still-”

Tears welled in my eyes. In the last few days we had really gotten to know each other on a level above a simple fling. He told me about his family in Japan, how much they expected out of him. How he was only rowing for the scholarship, how he preferred to paint instead. I’d let a lot of myself slip in too, enough that I was scared this was real. And that it might end right now.

Noka put his hand to his angular chin and leaned forward. He looked like a Greek statue, cut and muscled. I had to turn to my feet to stop myself from getting hard. When I looked up Noka had put both hands on my shoulders and stared into my soul.

“You could weigh eighty pounds or a thousand, and I would still have feelings for you, Tolsty. Before winter break I knew we were compatible, emotionally, but you weren’t the type I’d normally chase. I would never force weight onto any of my partners if they did not want it. I didn’t want you to feel you needed to bulk up for me. That is why I go after the guys I do. When they are already...”

Noka looked away and blushed, clearly mortified he had to have this conversation.

“Chubby?” I posited.

“Yes,” he breathed, eager to move on, “then I do not feel guilty enjoying their bodies while they are that way. Usually it is purely shallow, but with you… we had gotten on so well. I admit I was thrilled when I saw you come into the party with those tight clothes showing off your gain, but-”

Noka grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes.

“Now that I know you more, I want to be with you, no matter your size.”

“What are you saying?” I said, so soft I barely heard it.

“I am saying, I want to date you, if that is okay. You can lose weight if you want, I won’t let it matter. I will even help!” Noka’s eyes brightened until he spied the cheesecake he had made, shame making him blush that much more. So adorable.

“I just have had so much fun pampering you. I will stop.”

I’m not sure if I had ever felt joy like in that moment. Validation, appreciation. It swirled around me like leaves in a whirlwind. I beamed, plucking a knife from the countertop and cutting myself an oversized slice. Noka’s face warped with concern, though a sinful glint remained in his eye.

“What are you doing, I said-”

“And I’m glad you did,” I quipped, chomping down on the slice with a grin, “and I will diet, at some point. But I have to admit something too, it's that, well,” Now it was my turn to blush, “I like how you pamper me.”

Noka grinned and went to speak when I put a frosting covered finger to his lips.

“Just, promise me we won’t go overboard? I don’t want to have to waddle back to my parents this summer.” Noka’s grin widened to wolfish proportions. We giggled and he brought a big bite of cake to my lips. Then another.

“Tolsty, I am so glad. Until you say, you will be my spoiled, pampered chubby boy who I will worship every day. And if anyone gives you a stare you do not like, I will beat them up.”

We both laughed then, before Noka brought another forkful to my lips. I went to speak when another forkful was shoved in, I hardly could swallow before he got another ready, the flavors overwhelming. I got a flash in my mind of Noka as a farmer, and me as his prize hog.

‘What the fuck,’ I thought, willing away the strange scene. This was too wonderful to think badly on. Rationalizations played out in my mind at hyperspeed. If thousands of gay guys spent half their lives in a gym to get a certain look, what was so wrong about eating an extra pizza or two to earn a different kind of figure? I could have my fun now, I was young. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to be chubby for a couple years, especially for a partner like Noka. His family was rich, he had a ton of connections. Giving him what he wanted for a while might literally change my life. Now that I knew his true feelings my walls had been let down. If Noka liked his guys chubby, I would be chubby. After my life was established I’d slim down and test whether his promises were true. By that point I figured I’d be ready to move on regardless. I smiled, swallowing.

“So, urrp, it’s a kink then?”

Noka’s brows furrowed and he shook his head, I’d never seen him this close to being upset.

“I do not like that word, it makes me feel like a dirty old man. Call it a preference.”