Chapter 1 - (author's note and prologue)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I’ve promised a Munchies follow-up for a long time, and among my many unfinished pieces, there actually is a proper “sequel” in progress. But I figure that now might be an ideal time to start from scratch, since the Munchies have become more relevant than ever in the past two-and-a-half years. After all, who hasn’t put on a little weight since then?

As I’ve written before, the original PSA had a huge influence on me, though probably not for the reasons its creators would have hoped. I always thought it would make for an ideal weight-gain story, even if there was a time when—believe it or not—I had no idea who would ever read such a thing. (This was long before I knew that apparently there are plenty of people who would.)

In any event, I’m glad I could do my part to rescue the PSA from obscurity. It was always too good of an idea to let languish in the dustbin of Saturday-morning history.

--T.J.


PROLOGUE

You’ve heard of us—the evil imps
Who turn the skinnies into blimps
The stout gray blobs who tempt and tease
Let us come and feed you, please
It’s been a while—oh, far too long
But if you think we’re gone, you’re wrong
In fact, we’ve been here all the while
But stealthy feeding is our style
In honesty, we never left
So thank us for your extra heft
We’re clever and we have a hunch
That we’ll find ways to make you munch
We can make you stuff your face
Of stuff it for you, just in case
‘Cause when you’re in a gloomy mood
The universal cure is food
Or feeling cheerful? Celebrate!
Even then you’ll put on weight
When we arrive and make our rounds
You’ll start piling on the pounds
‘Cause if you munch when you are bored
A mammoth butt is your reward
If you snack when you are blue
You’ll get a jiggly belly, too
Soon we’ll blow you up to size
Those widened hips and massive thighs
It gives us joy to ruin your figure
We love to see you getting bigger
Let us come and pay a visit
That’s not too much to ask, now, is it?
Imagine all the weight you’ll gain!
Across the world, the Munchies reign
Now it’s time to turn the page
And usher in the Munchies Age!
What’s our purpose? What’s our plan?
To make you fat…because we can.