The Gameshow

Chapter 1 - The Gameshow

“Oh my God babe you have to see this!” My boyfriend, Paul, called me from the other room. I walked into the living room, frowning when I saw nothing out of the ordinary.

“What? It’s just The Gameshow.” I said. Paul chuckled.

“No it’s not, keep watching.” He said.

“Good evening and welcome to a special, you could even say SUPERSIZED episode of The Gameshow!” The host, a tiny, athletic woman scantily dressed in a sports bra and cycling shorts opened the show, and my face dropped when the camera panned to the contestants at the starting line.

The Gameshow was known for being one of the most intense athletic shows on TV, so the contestants were usually incredibly athletic gym regulars. So imagine my shock when the camera panned to some of the biggest fatties I have ever seen in my life. Rolls upon rolls of blubber hung out of the sports bras and tight shorts they were shoved into, huge bellies poking out in front of them.

“Oh my god!” I giggled, coming to sit next to Paul on the sofa.

“We have teamed up with the Public Health department to bring you not just what will surely be an episode to remember, but a reminder to any of you who may need it what a lifetime of greediness and laziness does to the body. We have a specially altered course, just for these fatties. First, they will have to eat their way through this bucket of whipped cream to get to a button at the bottom which will open the next phase of the course. Then they will have to get down on those biiiig tummies and crawl through the next part of the obstacle course. And then, if they make it through all of that they’ll have to climb three flights of stairs to hit the button and finish the course. First person to do that will win the prize, which is free entry to our sponsor’s Get Fit Programme so they can lose the weight for good.”

“Oh my god this is going to be so funny.” Paul chuckled from next to me, and I laughed in agreement.

The camera panned back to the six fatties lined up at the start of the course, and we both cackled as the starting klaxon sounded and they waddled their way over to the first obstacle, the bucket of cream. Cameras on the inside of the buckets caught every angle of the piggies’ faces as they dove into the cream, getting it all over their faces and in all of their chins as they chowed their way through.

“Haha look that guys failed at the first hurdle.” Paul laughed, pointing out a huge guy on the end of the line, who’d clearly got distracted by the taste of the cream and was stood licking every dollop of it up while the others pressed their buttons to move onto the next part.

“And they’re all out and onto the next course except for Joe, who’s out of this round - but we’ll let him finish his treat before we break it to him.” The host said with a wink, and we both cackled.

The next part of the course was about ten metres of netting for the fatties to crawl under, followed by a few rubber obstacles for them to jump through. We both watched in amusement as the fatties dropped to the floor, their bellies getting covered in mud as they began to attempt to power themselves through the netting. Two of them almost gave up straight away, rolling over onto their backs, their bellies heaving as they breathed as heavily as if they’d just ran a marathon instead of crawling three metres.

“Imagine being that lazy, Jesus it’s disgusting.” Paul tutted and I nodded, watching as the three remaining contestants crawled out of the wire, slowly pushing themselves to their feet to get through the next obstacles. They all got through the first two easily enough, but the last one was narrower, and the biggest of the three didn’t make it. It seemed obvious that she wouldn’t, but I guess she thought she’d made it this far and it was worth a shot, so she jumped through. Predictably, her huge belly got stuck between the rubber cylinders, leaving her stuck with her fat legs off the ground, desperately trying to kick her way through. Paul and I were in hysterics, watching as the effort of trying to kick her way free turned the fatty’s face crimson before she gave up, hanging her head in shame as the final two remaining contestants waddled towards the last obstacle.

By now they were clearly both exhausted, panting like dogs as they dragged their huge bodies up the three flights of stairs. It was neck and neck for a while until, right before the end, one of the two tripped, his body sprawled out across the steps. He seemed to give up then, and all he could do was watch as his contestant waddled past him to press the buzzer and claim glory. The winner smiled, her fat face red with effort and dripping with sweat before placing her hands on her knees and doubling over to catch her breath.

“And that’s it folks! Congratulations to our winner, Steph! Once she gets her breath back we’ll be having a chat with her, and we’ll keep you updated on her progress throughout the weight loss programme. Hope you all enjoyed this episode and hey - lay off the sweeties tubs or the next one could feature you!” The host said, waving as the credits rolled.

“You’d better watch out chubs.” Paul said, reaching over and grabbing a roll of belly fat I’d been hoping he hadn’t noticed I’d put on lately.