Chapter 1

I stood alone in the kitchen, early morning light just starting to filter in through the blinds. There was just enough of it for me to see the platter, and the magnificent chocolate cake sitting on it. I wasn’t entirely sure where it had come from—it had just been sitting there when I entered the kitchen. But it looked so perfect, so inviting, that I couldn’t help but wonder if…


“Don’t do it,” I whispered to myself.


I knew it was a bad idea, that I should resist. Eating cake for breakfast wasn’t a good habit to fall into, and I didn’t need my past as a personal trainer to tell me that. But the girl who’d once preached discipline and self-control, who’d only allowed myself what I needed rather than what I wanted, was gone, buried beneath more than 200 pounds of excess blubber.


Thinking about it, I looked across the room towards the decorative mirror I’d hung up to make the space feel bigger. Now, it only made me feel bigger, but I that couldn’t be helped anymore. Seeing my reflection—double chin, full chest, wide hips, and heavy belly hanging free of my hoodie—I barely recognized myself anymore.


But I didn’t walk away.


My attention back on the cake, I felt my mouth starting to water. A quick glance towards the stove clock told me it was barely 6:00 am. Much too early to be awake, let alone to be considering a piece of cake. I should have been asleep, not contemplating a piece of cake.


And I still didn’t walk away.


It was my alarm’s fault. It had gone off at the usual time, pulling me out of a dream that had quickly faded. It shouldn’t have sounded since it was the weekend, but technology can be fickle, and something must have gone wrong. Unfortunately, I hadn’t been able to ignore the rumbling in my stomach, demanding some breakfast. Which is why I’d wandered into the kitchen, where the cake had been waiting for me.


“Don’t do this, Katie,” I told myself again. “Just walk away and get some exercise instead of stuffing your face.”


But I still didn’t walk away.


I could feel my resolve starting to slip. More and more, I knew it wasn’t a matter of if I would give in, but a matter of when it would finally happen. I felt so humiliating to be so weak, and that weakness had seen me gorge myself from a 140 pounds athlete into a 350 pound fatty. But…


But was it wrong that I also found it kind of hot?


A nameless something washed through me, something that hitched my breath and made my heart skip a beat. Unable to restrain myself any longer, I plunged my fork into the very heart of the cake, moaning as I put the bite into my mouth. It was everything I had expected—soft, and moist, and sweet. I quickly went for another bite, then another, then…


“Really, Katie? Cake for breakfast?”


I froze, the fork dropping from my numb fingers. Foolishly praying it had just been my imagination, I turned slowly and saw Mark standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with an unreadable expression on his face. I felt my cheeks start growing hot.


“This isn’t what it looks like!” I blurted.


“What is it, then, Katie?” he asked.


“I…I was just a little hungry, and I wanted something sweet.”


“That’s always your excuse, Katie. My god, what happened to you? You never used to be like this.”

My vision blurred as my eyes started watering. “I know.”


Mark shook his head. “You used to be so disciplined, the kind of girl who ate healthy and wouldn’t even look at sugar! Now it’s like sugar is all you eat!”


“I…can’t help it,” I whispered.


“Seriously, how does a hot, skinny girl like you turn into a blob in less than two years?” he asked incredulously.


I shook my head. “Please stop,” I begged softly. But Mark actually grinned at me.


“I’m not even close to done, my piggy princess.”


The nickname, tossed so casually in my direction, made me blink. My heart started racing with a mix of emotions—indignation, humiliation, and something else I didn’t dare give a name to—even as I felt my knees grow weak.


“Don’t call me that,” I said. There wasn’t much force behind the words, though, as I felt a heat rising within me.


“Why not? It suits you.” He started walking towards me, eyes sweeping across my body with deliberate slowness. “Wouldn’t you agree?”


I squirmed beneath that gaze, trying to ignore the feelings swirling through my chest. It was an effort just to open my mouth. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I finally managed to say. Mark gave me a knowing smile.


“You can’t play dumb with me, Katie,” he said. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you always go back for seconds and thirds. Or the look on your face when you’re binging on junk food. Or how you were just trying to have cake for breakfast.”


With both hands, he suddenly grabbed my belly, freely hanging from underneath my shirt, and hefted it. “I swear to god, Katie, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were fattening yourself up on purpose.”

I froze. The way he’d said it—teasing while all but daring me to deny it—made my heart start beating even faster. What’s more, I could tell he’d noticed the effect of his words on me.


“I…” I licked my lips. “I’m not—”


“Don’t lie to me!” he hissed vehemently, giving my belly a violent shake. I couldn’t help the involuntary moan that escaped my lips.”


“I…can’t—”


“Say it!”


“I…I…I…” Between his harsh words and the way he was groping my fat, it was hard to think. The heat inside of me started to blaze, and it seemed that I would explode if given just the right push.


“Say it!” Mark hissed again, practically whispering the words into my ear. My entire body shuddered, and I would have fallen if Mark hadn’t been holding me by the gut.


“I wanted this!” I blurted, tears of shame leaking from my eyes. “God, I’ve wanted this since I was a teenager! I’ve wanted it more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my entire life!”


“There,” he said, giving me a soft kiss on the forehead. I felt too numb to pull away. “Was that so hard?”


“You’re such a bastard,” I whispered, voice quavering.


“A bastard who knows your secret,” he said. Then he squeezed my belly hard, and added, “Not that you hid it very well. Letting all this soft, luscious fat hanging out in the open.”


Despite it all—his words, his grip, the way he’d forced me into an admission—I still felt hot hearing him say that. I tried to protest, but the words wouldn’t come. I wanted him to keep talking.


“And you are fat, aren’t you, Katie? For certain, the fattest girl I’ve ever dated. And you really like it like this, don’t you? A fat lump of blubber who can’t hide how she’s ruined her body. And to think you used to be a personal trainer, too! I wonder what your former clients would say if they could see you now.”


“Please stop, Mark!”


Don’t stop, Mark!


“When did you become such a pig, Katie? Was it when you outgrew all your clothes? When you gained the first 100 pounds? Or have you always been a pig?” He smiled. “That’s it, isn’t it? A pig in waiting, just hoping for a chance to give it.”

Mark suddenly did something unexpected: he leaned in and kissed me. Deeply, passionately, his tongue darting into my mouth. He kept one hand on my belly, cupping it gently, while the other crept around my thick waist to grab my round ass. I felt my knees grow weak again and definitely would have fallen over if Mark hadn’t pushed me against the counter. By the time we separated, I felt dizzy and slightly out of breath.


“Thank god you found me,” he said softly.


“I…what?” Lightheaded as I was, I found it hard to concentrate on his words.


“I said, thank god you found me, because I am more than willing to accommodate….” He gave my belly a soft pinch. “Your appetites,” he finished.



My brain felt like it was pushing through molasses as I struggled to process his words. But some semblance of their meaning broke through, and I felt myself starting to smile. “Wait. Are you saying you…”


“That it’s really hot the way you’ve ballooned since we started dating?” He nodded fervently. “Absolutely. And now it’s nice to know I’m not the only one.”


My cheeks started warming a little. “How did you know?” I asked.


“Oh, c’mon, Katie. You’ve got to realize it was pretty obvious. You gained more than 200 pounds in two years! And barring some extreme health issues, you had to really be trying to get that fat that fast, even with my help.”


“Your…help?”


He flashed me a confident smile. “Didn’t you think it weird how your alarm went off, even though it’s the weekend? Or the fact there was a cake sitting out on the counter, just ready for you to dive in?”


Along with the other, powerful urges I felt deep inside, I could identify a rising anger. “Are you saying you’ve been fattening me up for two years!” I demanded. For the first time, Mark looked a little unsure of himself.


“I…” He licked his lips. “I didn’t do anything to you,” he finally said. “I just gave you opportunities to do what you wanted anyway.”


“Opportunities to become a colossal fat ass!” I snapped. “My god, just look at me!”


Mark looked down with a sigh. When he looked back up at me, all traces of bravado were gone. “I have looked at you, babe. For two years, I’ve looked at you, and I’ve seen an incredible woman at war with herself, trying to reconcile who you thought you needed to be with the person you wanted to be.”


My anger towards Mark suddenly vanished. Where his earlier teasing had appealed to something deep and shamefully animalistic inside of me, this tender confession made me feel something else: safe, warm, and loved. But did I really deserve to feel this way over something so wrong?


“Why am I like this?” I whispered. “Why do I want to ruin myself so badly?” I started crying again, the tears silently making wet tracks down my round cheeks. “Why am I such a freak?”


“If you’re a freak,” Mark said, “then what does that make me?”


“I don’t know. An even bigger freak?”


He looked me dead in the eye and, with a completely straight face, said, “Have you seen yourself, Katie? You’re the biggest freak I’ve ever known.” He wobbled my belly for emphasis. I still felt ashamed, though it was muted by hunger. Hunger for Mark, but even more so, hunger for cake!


I leaned against his chest. I felt him stagger a step before he could brace himself against my greater weight. Knowing I was so much bigger than him still made me feel ashamed of myself, but…


Was it weird that it also found it kind of hot?


No, it’s not, I told myself. This is who I am, so maybe…


Maybe it was time to let go of the shame and the guilt. I had to admit, the idea was both terrifying and liberating at the same time.


“Thank you, Mark.”


“For what?”


“For helping me see what I couldn’t on my own.”


You’re welcome, Katie,” Mark said, then leaned down to kiss me again. Once we separated, it took me a moment to catch my breath.


“Okay, then,” I finally managed to say. “So, what do we do now?”


“Well…you seem to be forgetting the cake.”


“Am I?” I asked playfully. “What are you going to do about it?” He grinned excitedly at me.


“I’m either gonna watch you eat it,” he said, “or I’m going to feed it to you.”


“Promise?”