chapter 1

I watched you eat that ice cream, working up the nerve to finally ask "do you think there's space for me to feed that to you?". I perched precariously on your lap. A quick flash hit me, wondering if our combined weights were more than this furniture had ever borne. You were more than double my weight, bringing our load to over 500lbs on this one straining armchair. I hoped I seemed confident, but my heart leaped like a rabbit.

As I dipped the spoon, scooped and introduced it to your eager lips; a buzz of electricity surged from my fingertips to warm my entire body in a bolt. I could feel the hum of desire which charged under my skin. I repeated. I relished. I savoured. Plucking more courage, I guided you to the bed. I couldn't help but marvel at how the mattress sagged around your awesome mass and tried to envelope you. Spreading limbs wide to accommodate your girth, I straddled you. I cast an admiring view at this sight below; fleshy hills for me to be conquered by.

The dessert was nearly finished, quickly consumed by your hungry mouth. I planted kisses in between the seeds of calories sown, rewarded by a flood of coffee ice cream on my own taste buds. Funnily, it was a brand I'd never seen before. Now, on foreign soils, just the sight of that illicit ice cream overwhelms my senses in an unexpected and absurd flash.

We were both hungry for more than just feeding. Layers of clothing were stripped ceremoniously until left naked and full of want. You hovered above me, taking the weight on your arms. If you've ever stood just below a sky scraper and tipped your head back there's an overbearing sensation of its impossible hugeness. I had never willed a building to fall like this before. My chest thumped again as you lowered your flesh against mine. I felt like a fragile drum under your pounding rhythm, completely intoxicated by my own comparative frailty.

The sheen of sweat on your brow was a reminder of your power, the mass you maneouvre. My fingertips traced the countours of your form and admired the contrast between the firm abdomen of adipose and the soft spills of fat at your back and chest. I wanted to explore them with my gently parted mouth, but the thought was lost like smoke and I never did get the chance. You were the biggest man I'd ever been with. It thrilled me when I realised I couldn't encircle your vast waist with my arms; when I climbed on top of you, but couldn't position myself because my knees only just glanced the mattress. You were an ocean of fat deep enough for me to drown in.

The clock moved too quickly. I wanted more time listening to the the deep timbre of your laugh and the honeyed resonance of your voice. I wanted to see you again. At some future point, to conspire together and watch you expand. For you to proudly present the clothes you wore that night we met and announce them outgrown. For me to measure and monitor and admire.

I had to catch the train I wished I'd never booked. I studied your naked form from a few feet away for the first time. You think a mountain is beautiful as you scale it, but when you descend and look once more, it takes your breath away. You stood in front of the mirror and I joined you there. Shuddering with a primal want when I looked at our contrasting reflection.
Coffee and cream. Feedee and feeder. Mountain and explorer.
We both said
-afterwards-
that we wish we'd taken a photo
But, in that moment,
we were perfect in our transience.