Coming out in one hilarious step.

Chapter 1: An Embarassment-Free Zone

I've been out of the fat closet for quite a while now. Out and proud, almost to a fault. I've got badge and everything. It is, then, the purpose of this quasi-aimless blog-type story-thing to discuss coming out as a feeder and FA... and I should point out that I serve as a warning, not an example.

Without further ado then: I have no shame. Let's be perfectly frank about this- I'm a walking embarrasment-free zone, specialising in anything from full and open discussions of personal politics to obscene and gratuitous cock-jokes. Y'know, just spreading a little joy wherever I go. As a result, I had the whole 'coming out' thing a lot easier than most FAs. One day the subject of what I found attractive in a woman came up jokingly in conversation, and a couple of minutes later, I was out as an FA. Bish bash bosh, job done.

It helps, of course, that I live in England. I understand it's harder over in the states. America seems a lot more hostile to sexualities which differ from the norm. In contrast, the English- at least the educated English, the social class in which I tend to move- tend not to give a fuck what you get up to behind closed doors. If there's an orifice and an unlikely onject, chances are thaat someone in the home counties has at some time attempted to combine the two. Nationally, that's just the way we roll.

On a side-note, I never formally came out as a feeder, just an FA... but I then I don't think I really need to. It's pretty bloody obvious.

One of the things that I occasionally hear is that people's families sometimes have trouble accepting that one of their number is an FA or Feeder... I suppose feedees are included by logical extension. Not that my opinion is something that the world hangs off of (though it should: I'm fucking marvelous), but I reckon that this must one of the worst aspects of being an FA. Luckily, again, my own experiences offer me no evidence one way or the other, since my family never freaked out in the slightest. There was the ususal "fair enough" moment, and then it just became a source of in-jokes and entertaining double-entendré. Then again, I suppose my relatives are pretty much innured to anything I might come out with. When I was about twelve, I pretended consistently to be gay just to stop the jerks at school asking if I had a girlfriend. See what I mean? In retrospect, by the way, it's hilarious, but I went to a pretty rough school- it's sheer dumb luck I didn't get beaten up so many times as to cause brain damage with that stunt. But that's not the point, and I've digressed long enough.

Frankly, being 'out' as an FA weirds out my friends a lot more than my relatives. Accordingly, I bring it up at every available opportunity when around them and watch their always-entertaining reactions. Again, I have sheer dumb luck to thank that I've still got friends.

Now, by now, I imagine some of you good folks might be wondering if this is going anywhere. To this implied query I reply: "er, no, not really." Y'see, this is just the first thing I've written on this site, and it seemed like a good way of introducing myself to all you lovely people. I certainly don't reccomend that those of you who haven't come out yet follow my subtle-as-a-napalm-assault method. Like I said, I serve as a warning.

Well, here's hoping my depraved meanderings rasied a chuckle or two. More soon- until then, peace out my hippy dream-brethren.
2 chapters, created StoryListingCard.php 12 years , updated 54 years
5   0   5362
12   loading

More stories

Comments

FAbrit 12 years
Thanks itsmeagain!
FAbrit 12 years
Sorry... the that should have read two LOVELY ladies. Bloody computer keyboard.
FAbrit 12 years
Why thank you ic2 and Ariday- always a pleasure to have the support of two lovel ladies.
FAbrit 12 years
Greg the Vet: I love the idea that your flirting with people makes the go on diets. A little bit upsetting for us feeders I suppose, but on the other hand it sounds a bit like a really crap super-power, which is awesome.\r\n\r\nLkr: Just to further increase the joy you get out reading this in a British accent, I should point out that my accent is REALLY British- swinging violently between Lord of the Manor posh and a slight cockney twang depending on mood.
Ikr 12 years
I found this very entertaining. I enjoy your style of writing, and I laughed every time I imagined someone with a British accent dictating this. (Here in the States, your accent is a bit of a joke.) \r\nI can't wait to read more from you, my friend.
FAbrit 12 years
Yeah... looking at it \r\nnow, it does seem a little too short. Still, what can I say, I was writing it too late at night, really.
Csmith 12 years
Quite diverting. But too brief. More is better. But you know that, of course. Good job!