Chapter 1

Bon Mot and Polygon (who had not used their real names, whatever those might be, in years) sat on the latter’s somewhat untidy couch playing Ms. Pac-Man, downloaded from Xbox Live earlier that day, in co-op mode and with the absolute concentration of people who accorded far too much importance to videogames. Consider them, if you will, dear reader. Bon Mot presented, there, a somewhat rounder figure, but brimming with energy. All things considered, he did not appear to be too dissimilar from a helium balloon tethered in a strong headwind- spherical but in a state of seemingly perpetual motion. Polygon, on the other hand, mostly appeared to be comprised of sharp angles and straight lines. Quite the opposite of Bon Mot, however, he reclined languidly on his couch, his controller held in his lap- a laconic liquorice bootlace with the hair of 1990’s Garage musician. Predictably, it was Bon Mot, not he, who broke the intent silence.

“Is this giving you an erection?” he asked- which, all things considered, was not a very usual way to start a conversation.

Polygon considered this for a minute, then nodded. “Yes. I can’t work out if it’s the undertones of feederism and excessive decadence in this game, or if I’ve just got the rumble function on the controller too close to my cajones.”

“Well, just so long as it’s not just me, really,” said Bon Mot, philosophically.

“Do you think we should move apart on the couch ever so slightly? It feels a bit weird that our legs were touching now that that’s out there.”

“Good point,” Bon Mot concurred, and scooted over a couple of inches away from Polygon.

At some point, one of the two of them was going to have to write up their opinion on Ms. Pac-Man for the online gaming magazine they worked for. Polygon pondered the possibility that perhaps he should do it- left to his own devices, there was every possibility that Bon Mot would tap out a review that included a warning about possible sexual content and get them both fired. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time. Polygon could recall quite clearly losing the first job they had had together out of university, working for a local newspaper, because Bon Mot had been allowed to write the weekly advice column while in a peculiar mood. As Polygon recalled, he had advised readers to break up with neo-nazi partners by yelling “Primo Levi!” at the point of climax. The resultant injuries when a few people had tried it and incurred the annoyance of their thuggish mates had been enough to ensure that the two of them would never work anywhere outside the internet again. Yes, Polygon would have to write this week’s column.


While all this was going on, and across the other side of London, another, alarmingly forward conversation was going on.

“David Tennant?”

“Shag. Then Marry.”

“Immanuel Kant?”


“King Henry VIII?”

“Oh, er, kill. No Shag, then kill!”

“Okay, er... David Beckham?”


“ David Cameron?”

“Oh kill! kill with acid!”

“Okay, so let’s recap,” said Entré, brushing her hair out her eyes and looking glancing at a clipboard. “You’d bang the tenth Doctor and possibly also marry him, but you’d only marry, not shag a renowned moral philosopher...”

“I admire him for his intellect,” replied Egress, taking a bit out of a slice of pizza from her prone position on the hotel bed the two were reclined, and letting the grease drip down her chin and onto her bosom.

“Okay... now, you’d shag, then kill one of the most infamous Kings England’s ever had...”

“Well, it would be a bit weird if was the other way round,” Egress reasoned.

“... But you’d just kill a conventionally attractive footballer, and you’d drown the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland in a vat of acid. That right?”

“Well, I kind of pictured him dissolving rather than drowning, but yeah- pretty much,” Egress said, as she stuffed the remains of the pizza into her mouth. “Right, I’m going to go see if we’ve got any Mars Bars- you want one?” She stood up and stretched, displaying an impossibly curvaceous and well-proportioned hour-glass figure. Despite the development of a slight, but increasingly round belly at the centre of her physique, Egress’s body was known to still draw stares from almost every man she passed.

“Do you ever stop thinking about food?” Entré asked, shaking her head and smiling a little at Egress’ excesses.

“Sure,” Egress called over her shoulder as she wondered out to the kitchen, “when I’m asleep or fucking!”

Presenting a strange parallel to Bon Mot and Polygon, Egress and Entré had known each other since university. The main difference was that in their friendship, one could detect the smooth running of a workable dynamic: the more grounded, competent Entré supporting but also drawing strength from the self-confident, though somewhat unfocussed Egress. Entré paid the bills, Egress provided a sense of lightness and fun. If we return to our two male protagonists, however...
15 chapters, created StoryListingCard.php 12 years , updated 54 years
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FAbrit 12 years
Ah, poor Egress.
FAbrit 12 years
Severino 12 years
Amazigly well written. I'd read this even without the feederism parts.
FAbrit 12 years
Somewhere around this website, I'd imagine!
FAbrit 12 years
Yeah, I vaguely remember hearing about a similar case in which a problem with the neurology of the brain prevented people from knowing when they were full up, thus causing them to lose control of their weight. I'm still reasonably sure that there's no way the particular genetic anomoly I gave Egress could work in real life, but at least it's plausible. Oh, and I think you must have run out of comment-space part way through your last sentence, there- it just sort of stops...
FAbrit 12 years
I'll try and do something with this kind of gaining rate in it at some point, yeah!\r\nOh, and don't worry- I can't quit writing about Egress after only one story- she'll be back. There's another project I want to work on first, though: a B-movie style yarn entitled "The Woman Who Ate the World."
Jazzman 12 years
Regarding the Spirit of Egress. I would love to see something with her "Devil may care" lust for pure enjoyment.Same type of eating and maybe with a gaining rate of my friend. Since I witnessed her gains I know for a fact that a woman can for a small period of time. Gain 2-5 lbs a day. And even when she gradually reached 295 lbs she could still gain a pound a day for over a month. So yes please do consider another story where Egress gains a whole lot in a barely realistic amount of time. I'd love to see her again smiley
Jazzman 12 years
Well done! I can definitely live with "medical science " .Asas
FAbrit 12 years
Hey Jazzman- I've got to admit that I haven't corrected the excessive weightain... I have however, tried to explain it using a bit of medical science I just made up. I don't think it's exactly 'realistic', but hopefully it clears up any continuity or logical issues raised in the story!
Jazzman 12 years
You're terrific no matter what. A wordsmith.Beyond the abilities of all but Swordfish in this realm. I'd hate to see you change the weights by going back. just correct her own opinions. A friend of mine actually did gain 27 lbs in 10 days of Christmas break. And once on a re-gain after a crash diet-she went from 187 back to 202 in 31/2 days.I can't wait for more of this story.
FAbrit 12 years
I see what you mean, Jazzman... but given how I intend to end the story (and it's got nothing to do with weight), one of its protagonist's absurd weightgain is going to seem like small-fry in the suspension-of-disbelief stakes (I should point out for those of you who are put off by this statement, that the ending I've got planned out is still awesome, though I can't go into detail). I might change the weight thing if I wake up tomorrow in a realistic mood, but I've got to admit that I write a lot of this stuff on a whim. Thanks for the input, though!
Jazzman 12 years
Someone mentioned style. And YES I agree.This is so finely written. If I could beg one correction please. Somehow rescue the story from the 80 lb gain in three days. Perhaps she thought she weighed 170 but was really 195. And though she looked 250 she was 215. I know you have some marvelous fiction nuances in the story. But I would love for the weightgain to stay closer to reality.\r\nAwesome story!
FAbrit 12 years
Thanks CakeForBreakfast and Csmith!
Csmith 12 years
Do you write for a living? If not, you should
FAbrit 12 years
Thanks, tubbykins!
FAbrit 12 years
Thanks- and I guess I'll leave the duplicate chapter up since it looks like its original may not display properly all the time!
FAbrit 12 years
Don't worry, I will!
FAbrit 12 years
gary1627: thanks anyway- maybe when it's done I'll just repost it with that kind of error taken out. And thanks about the riots\r\n\r\nAleph: thanks for the support- always glad to hear my use of language is appreciated!
Gary1627 12 years
No idea of how you can get rid of the duplication, I'm not computer literate enough to know. Like how you encompassed the recent riots too.
FAbrit 12 years
Thanks for tehe support! The duplication is a mistake- I just uploaded the same thing twice by mistake... er... how do I get rid of that, by the way? the 'edit story' function only seems to let me change the description and title of the story, not the chapters. Any ideas?
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