chapter 1

Let's just assume I'm German & blonde for today:

As dedicated beer lovers you and your friends decide you ought to visit Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany. After watching the mayor tap the first keg, opening the festival, you're all raring to go - looking forward to all that tasty beer, sausage and roast meat. You take a wander round, laughing at the guys in lederhosen and ogling the girls in low cut tops. Seeing the gigantic steins of beer going round makes you all really thirsty so you find a likely-looking tent and settle in. You notice it's a tight squeeze, as the benches are fairly close to the tables, but you manage to get your big belly wedged in eventually. Your mates laugh and call you a fat bastard.

After your first couple of rounds, you hail one of the dirndl-clad barmaids - noting with satisfaction that she's about to pop out of her bodice. As it happens, it's me!

I bring over my enormous tray of frothing beer and lean over as I hand them out, my overflowing boobs jiggling under your nose. I smile as I see your belly pressing against the table and decide to test you. "Would any of you boys like something to eat? I'd recommend our Bavarian sausage! It's made locally so it's really fresh" You all agree eagerly so I bustle off, and you all watch my round bottom sway as I leave. Your mate says "I'd recommend her my sausage, anyday". Pretty soon I'm back with a huge tray of food and plonk it down; your tummy rumbles loudly for everyone to hear. I grin to myself and go off to serve someone else. But I keep one eye on your table - noting that you put away lots more food than any of your friends - and start forming a plan.

Because I'm keeping an eye on you, I'm the first to respond when you all need more beer. You're not used to such strong stuff, so you're all feeling very relaxed and merry by this point. I decide it's time to pounce, and bring lots more steins. Then I tug at your sleeve, smiling and say "come with me". All your mates look on round-eyed and jealous. "Don't worry boys, I'll bring him back safe and sound". You can't believe your luck, but you ease your way up off the bench. I yell to another barmaid that I'm nipping to the ladies and whisper to you to follow me at a distance. I lead you out of the tent and around the back of the kitchen area where no-one goes. I put my finger to my lips and say that you're to sit there and I'll get you ALL the food you can eat. Then I dash off back to work.

Before long, you hear me whisper "here you go" and I lift the edge of the tent and slide out an enormous plate of cheese noodles and roast chicken (Kasspatzn & Hendl). It's a feast of carbs and fat and you tuck in eagerly. "I'll be back" I whisper and dash off to serve the customers. Before you've even finished your plate, the side of the tent lifts again, and out slides an even bigger plate of steaming potato dumplings and ham hocks (Knodel & Schweinshaxe). You realise you're in for an enormous stuffing! The thought makes you so horny, which in turns makes you hungrier than ever. The fact that we're doing it secretly adds extra fun! It's not long before another plate appears from under the tent - laden with potato pancakes, white sausage and a delicious spiced cheese spread (Reiberdatschi, Weisswurst and Obatzda).

Soon your chin is covered in grease and your belly is feeling very full. Then I appear, wiping my hands and smiling. "I'm off duty now, so we can get going properly". You're so full I have to help you up, and your trousers are cutting into your fat. You groan happily and waddle along behind me as I lead the way to my big old-fashioned house. I get you settled on at a big oak table and you notice a gorgeous smell in the air. I say I've had something roasting in the oven for hours.

I come back from my old-style kitchen with a vision - a whole roast pig! "Do you think you can manage that?" I ask, "I'll rub your belly if it helps". You nod eagerly, so I caress your swollen tummy, easing it so you can keep filling it with enormous bites of delicious roast meat. It takes you over two hours before you've managed the lot, because you have to keep taking breaks; you huff and puff as your tummy strains more than ever before! Once you're done, I gently wipe your face and hands and help you up, then lead you to the bedroom (the camera pans away from a scene of us giggling on the king-size bed).

Once we're lying back, happy and spent, I ask "would you like to do this again tomorrow?"