Chapter 1 - The Park

My carriage driver deposited me at the entrance to Hyde Park where Mayfair high society congregates each spring to promenade and show off their supposed (and sometimes actual) wealth in hopes of attracting husbands, wives, or other manner of lovers. Alas, for me, at a healthy weight of 35 stone (that’s 490 pounds for my less learned readers), I am well beyond my days of promenading and it took every ounce of strength between them for my driver and my trusted footman Todd to extricate my overly ripe body from my cramped carriage. After finally getting my two feet planted on solid ground, the always sarcastic Todd whispered in my ear, “My Lordship, you either have lay off all the rich French food or we’ll have to acquire a much larger carriage … at the rate you’re going you’ll be larger than Daniel Lambert by the time you turn 30!”

I clapped my dear friend on the back and earnestly replied “do you really think so? I mean Daniel Lambert was 53 stone and I’d have but three years to achieve that high distinction…”

Todd laughed heartily and patted me affectionately on my belly “I know you can My Lardship … particularly if you find a wife who with a dowry sufficient to support your, shall I say, gluttonous lifestyle!”

“Et tu Todd, you sound like my mother, urging me to take a bride before I reach Lambert-like proportions.”

“You must admit my friend that you’ll have trouble waddling down the aisle at St. Paul’s when you get that big … I heard that the late Mr. Lambert reached nearly 650 pounds and had a waist of over nine feet … now granted, you’d look magnificent at that weight but finding a wife might still be a challenge.”

“Come come Todd, you forget that my late father’s fortune is as fat as I am. Now help me over to yon bench as I will be picked up shortly by Lady Daphne’s carriage.”

“How is Lady Daphne, still married to old Lord Hardwicke?” How old is she now, like 45, and isn’t he like 80?”

“Behave servant and leave me be .. you can return to this spot in six hours … but better bring along another servant or two to help me back in the carriage …”

“Of course my Lardship … I know how her Ladyship loves to stuff you to overflowing before entertaining’ you .. I just hope we can fit that monstrous belly of yours back through the carriage door after another of her Ladyship’s feeding sessions!”

I contemplated my nearly quarter ton life as Todd, all eight stone, eight of him, hopped effortlessly into the carriage. My God, I weigh three times more than my oldest and dearest friend … I was but a mere 14 stone when we met at age 12 and look at me now!” Next my thoughts turned to the lovely Lady Daphne, a friend of my mother’s and 18 years my senior, the woman who turned me into a man at age 16 when I was skinny young lad of only 22 stone. In spite of my inherited wealth and title no girl my age had yet to show interest in me but this vivacious and beautiful 33 year old took me under her wing, feeding me fattening sweets and teaching me the secrets of lovemaking that had served me well these many years in spite of my evergrowing appetites for both food and sexual conquest.

I was quite enjoying those old memories of meals and conquests past when I overheard three not particularly handsome Young Mayfair debutantes pointing at me on the bench and snickering in derision — “that’s Lord Bulgerton isn’t it” … “it is he’s even fatter than I ever imagined, he must weigh over thirty stone” … and finally “I wonder if there is a man beneath all those rolls and rolls of fat and if there is how long would it take to find it?” That last one drew particular guffaws from the other two debutantes until I managed to catch their gaze, tipped my hat to the ladies, and calmly said “I am indeed the aforementioned Lord Bulgerton but sorry to disappoint you as I actually weigh in at 35 stone … oh, and I can assure you that my manhood is fully intact beneath this rather substantial belly of mine, as can be attested to by many a woman far more comely than you three.” That sent them scurrying off but not before I could yell out, “did your mother’s tell you I’m worth a fortune?”

Oh how that lifted my spirits as Lady Daphne’s carriage finally arrived and a contingent of four strong bodied servants jumped down to escort her Ladyship’s abdominous guest to his upcoming gastronomical and sexual tryst. I don’t know if it was the experience of being manhandled by her heavily muscled servants or the idea of the upcoming tryst but my member suddenly became rigid beneath my hundreds of pounds of belly fat!