Fat Guy Falls Down

Chapter 1

Professor Herkimer Lagass was having a wonderful dream about his wife Yone wearing a gold bikini and giving him a lapdance. Yone was 4'11 and 130 pounds of Dominican beauty while Herkimer was a 5'8 300 pound fat guy that just happened to be exactly what she was looking for in a husband. Yone was grinding her heavenly hips and booty up on him before she turned around and wrapped her arms around his big fat neck. Suddenly she started licking his face and it confused him greatly. All of a sudden he woke from the dream to find his dog Ralphus licking his face to wake him up. "Oh dammit, Ralphus! Really? Shoo...shoo!" Ralphus jumped off the bed as Herkimer rubbed his face and ended up rolling halfway off the bed, barely catching himself on the nightstand while saying "Woahhhhh." From downstairs he heard Yone say in her thick Dominican accent "Su bueno, papi???" Herkimer said "Yes, yes....I'm fine. Damn dog." Herkimer rolled out of bed and stretched while yawning....hearing the unmistakble sound of his pants ripping in the process. "Dammit all to heck!" He said as he checked the giant gap in his thighs. "That's the second time in three weeks!" He quickly shed his pajama pants and top and stood in front of the mirror in his underwear. He had a huge belly that his moobs rested on and a big double chin. He said "At least Yone loves me." He then started getting dressed in his work suit.
He was a history professor at Big Island University, home of the Kincaid dynasty. His dress shirt clung to his big belly and his dress pants seemed to be suffering the same fate as his pajamas. As he put on his tie the dog rushed between his legs chasing a ball which caused him to nearly choke himself with the tie knot. He said "Blarghghhhhh, cough cough, what's with you Ralphus?" He struggled to put his socks on and was actually sweating as he put his shoes on. He then waddled down the stairs and into the kitchen. Rather than coffee or tea and eggs for breakfast, he simply re-heat the leftover chicken tenders from the night before. As he sat down with the tenders, he went to put one in his mouth when he stopped. Yone had opened the refrigertator and bent all the way over in her underwear to get some fruit out of the bottom cabinent. Herkimer could only admire the big round booty all up in the air when Ralphus hopped up on his thigh and stole the chicken tender out of his hand. Herkimer shook his head and said "That's what I get for getting distracted." Yone said "Que?" as Herkimer said "Nothing, dear." Herkimer finished his tenders with a load of ketchup as Yone shook her head and said "You need to eat better." Herkimer said "Yeah yeah, someday." Herkimer got up and checked his wrist noticing his watch wasn't on it. He said "Where's my watch?" Yone answered "Its in the living room." Herkimer remembered taking it off the night before and went to the living room. As he was walking into the living room he could hear Yone humming to the radio and imagining her moving her hips. He smiled in his daydream but right on cue he walked shin first into his coffee table. "MOTHER OF PEARL!" He said as he started hopping up and down. Yone rushed into the room and asked "You okay?" He said "I walked into the damn coffee table!" She said "Why you do that?" He replied "Because I was daydreaming of you." She said "Awwww mi amore" and kissed him deep while he wasn't expecting it. He said "Well, um....love you too honey." He put his watch on, grabbed his briefcase and walked outside.
His bus was usually on time so he walked slowly out of the house and to his stop only to see that the bus was early today. He then started to run as fast as he could with his briefcase flopping around trying to catch the bus. One of the patrons in the back pointed and laughed at him. "Hey...huff...pufff....hold that bus....hey!" Thankfully the driver saw him and kept the doors open as he panted, just making it to the door. The driver said "You okay, sir?" Herkimer slowly made his way up the stairs and said "Usually....the bus arrives at 7:30....its 7:28..." The driver said "Yeah, there was nobody on State Street, sorry dude." Herkimer said its okay as he staggered to a seat before sitting down. He took out a handkerchief and wiped his sweating brow, trying to catch his breath. Just before his stop, he noticed a blonde woman close to his age giving him the googly eyes while biting her lip. He looked around and figured out she was checking him out. He checked to see if his fly was down, nope. He looked to see if he split any of his clothes. Nope, still intact. Then he simply smiled at her which caused her to wink at him. He got red in the face and reached out for the pole to pull himself up only to miss completely and fall directly on his face. Everyone on the bus laughed except for the lady who helped him up while saying "Are you okay?" He said "Yes, yes, coming up, blarghhh." The woman not only dusted him off but he felt her hands rub his belly and his butt. He said "Um, thank you ma'am." She said "Anytime" before winking again and going back to her seat. He got red in the face again but almost fell over again when it reached his stop. Thankfully he was holding onto the pole this time. As the driver said "Big Island University!" Herkimer said "What a day." It had only just begun.