chapter 1

It’s like Patricia is teasing me. Ever since we came back in February, they have been toying with me brain I swear it!
She came back a couple days before me and Kamari so by the time we got there, everything was already settled. Imagine my surprise when I was protein powers littering the cabinets and nutrient supplement shakes. None of us could possibly be considered underweight so my mind could only fill with questions. I’d say she looked the same, but as we made it into spring and the layers came off I couldn’t help but notice her growth. The poor short girl, the weight had nowhere to go but her belly. A substantial pouch sat above every pair of pants no matter what she did. It was cute. The way she sat so obviously restricted by the evermore tightening clothes when we hung out. So obviously I mentioned food whenever we hung out, she was so easy to persuade.

The most hilarious thing happened yesterday. We went to go and get lunch from campus dining and Patrice was out of dining dollars. I had to keep myself from any kind of reaction. I couldn’t laugh at the poor piggy for eating so much that they had no more dining dollars by mid semester. I couldn’t embarrass the little glutton for not planning ahead. Nor could I grab up the hungry baby and stuff her poor tummy as she so obviously needed. So instead I’m here journaling.

I hate that part the most. I hate that I can’t just grab her up and make everything perfect for her. I see her rubbing her routinely over stuffed belly and I hate that I can’t just reach out and help her. Sometimes I feel like she wants me to but that could just be my brain pining.

I really do worry if I’m making it all up. That I am seeing something that isn’t really happening outside of me wanting it to be true. At the same time though, when we do cuddle up for a movie on the couch, or embraces each other after a bad day, I can feel it. I can feel how soft she is in my arms and my brain starts firing. Well at least summer is on it’s way. Soon it’ll be time to show off all the hard work.