Chapter 1 - shopping day

I could feel the discomfort in my feet as I stood at the bus stop. Why were these things always so late all the time? I was leaning against the side of the shelter, munching on a chocolate bar, watching down the road, as you do, as if the bus would suddenly appear if I stared hard enough. It wasn't like it was an especially long walk home, but I sure as hell wasn't going to put my aching feet and legs through more of that treatment. I'd already done enough walking, and my body was definitely telling me to stop by this point.

I'd gone out today with the purpose of finding some new clothes, but the carrier bags I was holding didn't have any more than a loose pair of elasticated jogging bottoms in them. The rest of the space had been filled with snacks. There's this discount place in town that I can never resist, and I'd bought about as many crisps, biscuits, cakes and chocolate as I could reasonably carry.

Alright, alright. I guess that's the real reason I went into town. Not that the clothes issue wasn't pressing, it was just that the food seemed a good way to motivate myself.

I scrunched up the chocolate bar wrapper and stuck my pudgy hand into the pocket of my winter coat. I smiled to myself happily, there was one bar left. I pulled it out, unwrapped it expertly, and took a soft, deep bite. Mars bars are always my favourite, and this had been a full multi pack when I'd left town to go to the bus stop. It was nearly dinner time, and I was putting off my hunger pangs.

I'd nearly finished it by the time I saw the bus coming. I sighed happily. I was so relieved to finally get this weight off my feet! I adjusted my shirt absent-mindedly, pulling it down as best as I could. It was getting tight, the buttons were straining, it kept riding up and I could feel the fabric pull across my back whenever I put my arms out, lifting it up slightly. It exposed my belly when I did it, but meh, it wasn't like there was much I could do about it.

As I got on, I had a quick look down the seating, looking for a place to perch. One seat really wasn't comfortable, and I always ended up with nearly half of me squished out over the edge. Fortunately, I could see a double seat vacant, and I immediately went for it, carefully maneuvering my body as best as I could with my carrier bags. People would look up, and their eyes would focus on my midriff rather than my face, but I was used to it nowadays and really didn't care that much.

Finally settled, I stuffed the bags in the little space that was available next to me and relaxed.

I simply couldn't wait to get home. It wasn't like I objected to going out that much - I'd had burgers for lunch, and some pastries half an hour later, and then a thick creamy hot chocolate. It's just after a little while you'd be aching to be somewhere comfortable again. Somewhere you can relax. I wondered what mum was making for dinner. Perhaps pizza and chips, or an all day breakfast. I could almost taste it. I wondered if we'd have that toffee cheesecake for pudding, maybe with some chocolate ice cream...

I glanced out the window, and quickly strained to hit the bell. I was thinking about dinner so much I nearly missed the stop!

It was another five minutes walk to get home, and I would feel every step. My belly meant I couldn't really walk much faster than an easy, leisurely waddle. That, and I'd put away enough food while I was out that I was struggling a little more than usual. I was a big girl, I knew that, hell, I'm 19 and I'd been watching it get bigger more or less my entire life.

It'd never occurred to me for a second that I wanted things to be any different. If ever I got a doubt, I would just have one of mum's amazing meals and feel the warm, fuzzy sensation it gave me, and realise that the two went hand in hand. I could never give it up. I used to feel a little bad when I used to be the biggest girl I saw day to day, but ten minutes at home with mum’s cooking would make me feel better every time. I felt a light sweat forming on my forehead from the effort, and the discomfort in my ankles, back and knees was getting more acute. Don’t worry, I told myself, I’ll be home in another ten minutes. I'd be settled, able to relax again. I probably wouldn't go out again for at least another few days.

I was huffing and puffing by the time I'd reached the front door. As I opened it, I felt a warm block of escaped air mingle with the cold, winter chill outside. Home. Warm and comforting. I smiled and stepped inside.

"Hiya love," came my mum's voice from the kitchen as I closed the door. I put my bags down in the hallway and gently waddled into the living room.

"Hiya," I called back, desperate to collapse into the living room couch. I could smell from here that she'd obviously been baking something. There was something innately calming and soothing about the smell of mum's cooking. She would bake several times a week. Sometimes it was cupcakes, or sponge cakes, or delicious, thick, gooey chocolate brownies. From an early age, it'd always evoked comfortable, safe feelings.

"Is that brownies?" I called back, picking up the TV changer.

"Yeah love, do you want some before ya dinner?"

"Please!"

Th ey were freshly made, and she hadn't even bothered to take them off the cooling rack before bringing them in.

"There's another just in the oven, love," she said with a broad smile, placing them on the coffee table in front of me.

"These look great!"

She put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it a little.

"How was town love, did you get what you needed?"

I picked a brownie off the rack.

"I couldn't find much that fitted, mum, but I bought some new black bottoms and a few treats."

"Aw, don't worry love. Did you have a good lunch?"

"Yeah, I had some burgers and pastries and a hot chocolate as well, it was lovely."

"Good girl," she replied, wandering back off into the kitchen.

I licked my lips slightly and took a long, lingering bite out of the brownie square. It was delicious, rich and gooey, absolutely dripping with different chocolate sauces. I inadvertently moaned softly to myself. This is so what I'd been waiting for all day.

Thinking ahead, I grabbed the tray and rested it on the couch cushion next to me. Flipping the TV on, I spread my legs out wide and relaxed back into the plush, soft cushions of the couch, feeling the tension drain out of me. My belly sagged happily in between my legs, and I could feel the warm air tickle my exposed midriff, poking out of my shirt. I guess there wasn’t anything I could do about my clothes at the moment, but I wasn’t about to go all the way upstairs to grab one of my tops that still fitted.

I grabbed another brownie and lowered it into my mouth, wondering what I'd have for dinner.