chapter 1

Beware there is some dark and sadistic themes in this piece. If that is not your thing, move on to Freshman 15 stories or something.


The back-story to my true life story is I am a 52 year old woman who realised 5 years ago, after a life of not feeling completely happy with my larger frame that I feel very beautiful when I am appreciated for exactly who I am, a 210lb and growing mature woman with a feeding and lactation fetish.
I have always eaten to excess, but have generally maintained a larger, but not growing body as I have always been pretty keen to exercise formally several times a week. Although this part of the story has changed in the last 6 - 12 months as I basically no longer care to exercise as often, and I figure if I get fatter as a result well so be it.
When I was a young child I used to have 'that' feeling that I'm sure many of you feedees are aware of. That special excitement feeling in one's lower tummy, almost like when you are about to go to a concert to see a favourite rocker, or waking up on your birthday. Well, that was the feeling I had whenever I thought about eating too much and getting fat. You know, parents will say, 'Dear, are you having another biscuit, serving of dinner, piece of cake? If you don't watch out you'll get fat.' That same feeling would come over me. Knowing I was being 'naughty' by doing so just added to that particular feeling of thrill.
I don't know how it started (or when it stopped) but I went through a phase from when I was about 5 or 6 where I would stuff my clothes and pretend that I was a fatter person. That would feel absolutely delicious to do, especially when I would try to touch my toes or get up off the floor. All I knew at that age was it was naughty and it felt good to do it. I even forgot that I did that until I started coming to fat-related websites and then the memories came flooding back, although now as an older woman I could recognise that as a sexually turned on feeling.
I started to search out images of fat women and realised that their shape, their pride and their love of eating was really sexy to me. I was introduced to this way of seeing fat women and then men by my wonderful love and lover. He confessed after some time of dating that he was turned on by fat women, and that although I turned him on, I was not nearly fat enough for him.
Seeing his obvious straining erections whenever we would merely discuss me gaining on purpose made me convinced that he really found fat attractive, and I guess seeing it through his eyes, I would love to open up my Tumblr full of fat blogs while lying in bed next to him and saying things to him like, 'Would you like it baby if I was able to be this fat?' while watching him gently stroke himself. For any of you FA men out there, you will probably identify with the semi-shame of having to admit that you'd love to have a really big woman to love and touch as your plaything. You'd love it in private, but you would be so ashamed of what your friends and family may say. The dilemma of the shame and the desire is what I think produces the most heightened sexual response in this realm.
I noticed that I loved the attention my growing belly was getting, and with his encouragement we started to document it online and I loved seeing all the hot comments. However his darker side started to manifest itself. IN BDSM terms we are definitely kinky with both of us being switches, with him tending more to dominance, and me towards submission. IN recent times, we had a really dark and intense scene where he punished me for a real life transgression. He beat me until I sobbed tears and snot streaming down my face. He strangled me and pulled my hair, not relenting when pinching my large nipples really hard and spanking my ass and biting me. With so much more flesh to be tormented at his disposal he was truly an animal.
He then told me that instead of any loving touch, I would only be abused if I did not lose 15 kg. I was gobsmacked and did not know what to do. Having enjoyed gaining so much in the last few years, I did not relish the thought of going back to the gym and eating salads. I also figured it was a losing deal as I would continue to be physically tormented until the weight was off. What choice did I have and why did it turn me on so much? I think it was knowing that I would not really be able to reduce my desire for food, and that 15 kg may as well have been 50 kg as my current upward trajectory was getting difficult to stop.
Then, out of the blue he sent me a message, he was so turned on by the dominance that he couldn't wait to see me again, in order to compel me to eat pastries after pastries in his presence, to undermine any actions that I may have done to restrict my eating. He wanted to maintain the status quo of me as a confirmed fatty in order to be nasty.
I asked him why he wanted me to lose the 15kg in the first place and he said to start the whole fattening process up all over again, for me to lose motivation and to surrender to my fate.
I feel it is sick and twisted, but I have never felt so turned on and loved in my life. I hope you enjoyed my story.