I know... I hate making decisions. Especially when I've finally gotten to like myself being fat.

But this is a serious one. I keep thinking that if I just get back to strengthening my core that will be enough. But there's no hiding a 50" belly.

I have to say 5 pretty much across the board. The possible exception is a goal of maybe 5 1/2.

My size:
Height 5' 5"
Weight 220ish, goal 250-260.
Belly circumference 49-50", goal 52-54".
Pants 42, goal 44-46.

I would love to see my belly ripple when I walk, and hang over my belt.

Again yesterday my pain management doctor, treating me for pain from my lumbar fusion, pointed to my belly and said "that's not helping". He said that unless I do my part, meaning diet and exercise, he's not sure what more he can do to help, after this next procedure (RFA, zapping the nerves to lessen the pain signals). I guess I got my marching orders... literally... he wants me to start walking again and get back to weight training. I'm all for getting back into shape but little does he know that not only do I not want to lose weight, I want to get fatter.

I don't know either why getting fat is so addictive, especially when I tried so hard to not get fat and to lose weight. Now the fatter I get the fatter I want to get. I used to get upset at how I looked being fat, but now I really like what I see and want more.

I might try something like it. I need to get my calories up around 4,000 or so to kick my gaining into overdrive. Maybe whole milk instead of so much cream. Cream can be hard to tolerate. I like the idea of a couple thousand calories more per day or week.

I gain mostly visceral fat, giving me a beachball belly. I'd like to gain more sub-q fat, so maybe I'll look into the fructose angle.

Forty lbs in 3 months should be possible. That's about 3 lbs a week. Pasta, pizza, potatoes, rice, bread, heavy cream, ice cream, whole milk, butter on everything. Lots of food of any kind... whatever you like to eat. You can get milk that is lactose-free. I use that.

There was a time almost 25 years ago when I dieted and exercised myself down to 137 lbs from about 160, and down to a 31-32" waist. I'm 5' 5".

I started lifting weights and got beefier. I stopped serious lifting a few years ago due to some (non-gym) injuries, and getting tired of watching my diet and pushing.

So now I'm at 223, hoping to get to about 250, 265, or even 280 and a 44-46" waist. The idea of getting really fat and taking myself to where I've never been before is exciting.

My opinion is what you eat has no bearing on how easily you gain or lose. Overeating is overeating. I am not a junk food junkie, and I can get fat with the best of 'em. I have always gotten fat on "real" food.

Fantasy of being a lot fatter than I am is currently a big turn on. I guess maybe because I'm not there yet. I imagine myself wearing a nice outfit of a tight polo shirt and khakis or buttondown shirt, and my belly rippling as I walk, spilling over my belt.