I agree with everything that's been said so far. I, too, don't chat about gaining until I know someone a while, and I feel comfortable with them as a pleasant acquaintance. (In other words, we don't have to be best friends, but if I wouldn't go to a pub to have a drink with you, why on earth would I chat with you sexually?!?)

There's one other thing to remember: many people have come here for a fat positive site, not specifically for feeding. So you shouldn't presume that someone who's here is into feeding or gaining, only that they are into fat in some way--for themselves or their partners.

Which means it all comes down to 1) getting to know people, and 2) asking politely and thoughtfully before getting down and dirty, as it were.

I agree that if you're going to put yourself online, whether for dating or just feedback on pics, you have to be fairly thick-skinned.

But my concern is the relatively low incidence of reporting of problems. There is one attitude that encourages people to take care of things themselves, and I have always been that kind of person. But more recently, I've developed a different perspective, insofar as I think reporting helps 'clean up' FF, helps set a higher standard of behaviour, and can contribute to making the site more manageable for women with lower tolerances for such stuff.

I really think that everyone who gets hassled by someone, even if it's just that they keep asking you to chat privately after you've said no, should be reported. That would make an enormous difference in how people feel about being here.

As someone who enjoys talking about fat in sexual ways, AND as someone who doesn't like a lot of the ways guys address me here, I don't think the issue is that I want something different.

Everyone has different tolerance levels for different kinds of things. There are a lot of things that upset other people that don't upset me a bit. But I am completely creeped out--and insulted--by someone who wants to know my weight and fetish preferences before we have even the most basic knowledge about each other. I mean, seriously, there are people who ask you that shit without even saying 'hi' first.

I think the real issue is this. In any community, there are going to be things that drive some people away. If women feel they aren't getting enough attention, there are plenty of active women around would tell them how to change that. If they just leave, there's nothing anyone can do. Likewise women who feel they're getting negative attention--you just need to ask if you wanna change that. If you decide to leave rather than trying, it's a perfectly fine choice, but we can't make policy around it.

Apologies for how long this is getting, but two more quick points:

1. If chat is too tame, people should start using the other rooms--I would imagine both weight gain and BDSM could be more explicit than the main room, though I haven't seen that happen in weight gain and I'm not sure why. There are spaces for more explicit chat.

2. In the four years I have been on the site daily, I have seen threads from smaller women saying they feel the site is only for very big women, and vice versa. It is really easy to feel lost in the shuffle. But actually, there is a lot of attention for traditionally beautiful slender young women growing a small little pot, a lot of attention for super-sized women, and a fair bit for everyone inbetween. Occasionally the balance goes one way or another, and I'm *totally* convinced that you can personally experience a balance away from your 'type', but overall, the balance is actually quite fair.

That one's actually a line from a song--Fat Kidz by Twiztid. You can hear and read it here:
www.tsrocks.com/t/twiztid_texts/fat_kidz.html

A friend bought them as xmas presents last year for me, the live-out, and my daughter. We laughed for ages!

I know what durian is, but I've never heard of it in a shake! Anyway, this thread sent me off browsing, and I found this recipe:

www.1st-milkshake-n-smoothie-recipes.com/creamycoffeesmoothie.html

Creamy Coffee Smoothie
3 tablespoons instant coffee
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup milk
1 cup heavy cream
6 ice cubes
2 tablespoons vanilla extract

Directions

Combine all ingredients in blender and blend on high until desired thickness.

I don't think this is a smoothie--I think it's a shake. On the other hand, I think milkshakes should contain ice cream. Anyway, thought some of you might enjoy the recipe.

There is a great episode of Sex and the City about Charlotte dating a bad kisser, and they discuss how to explain to him what he should do... won't spoil. I recommend it.

I have nothing to add to what Xutjja said. I agree completely.

It would be good communitybuilding practice for everyone to report to the pic owners when they see them being used elsewhere. Then the pic owner can decide whether or not to act on it.

I saw this in New Scientist and was totally fascinated. I wonder if they'll actually figure out what's going on.

If you haven't read it, do--it's surprising and cool.