This is it. In the beginning I got very turned on as I was gaining, but after orgasming I lost the desire and disliked myself for letting myself go. Other times I said to myself this (getting fat) isn’t me. I realized it was only because other fat guys turned me on, I wanted to be like them.

But as time went by and I got used to being fatter, didn’t get ridiculed, found I could buy larger size clothes I thought hey this isn’t so bad.

So I guess it was both... I love fat guys, and I actually got to like being fat, and liking how I look. In my case it just took time.

I’m just about 5’6”, currently 215-216 lbs give or take, my belly is about 46”. So my fantasy goal, and I say fantasy because I don’t think I can reach it, is to get to 260-270 lbs, 56-57” belly, 46-48 waist pants. I’ve even wondered if I could ever get to 300 lbs.

think about sitting in a restaurant, or anywhere with my blubbery belly and love handles spreading and overhanging my belt. I think about how my belly would ripple as I walk. I’ve found pics on the internet of guys, and seen some in real life I would love to look like. But I do have a limit and think of guys I saw that I don’t want to look like.

This was at least 15 years ago... I was a member of a weightlifting forum and made a post “I wanna get fat”. I remember saying I was tired of dieting and busting my ass to lose weight. I said I wanted to eat anything and everything and actually become obese. I don’t think it was just frustration, but rather a real desire to get fat. I saw so many good looking fat guys... how bad can it be for so many good looking guys to be so fat? It was a turn on. I toyed with the idea on and off for years, but I found myself getting turned on by it and fantasizing about it and fat guys when I masturbated. Of course, afterwards I lost the desire to get fat until I started getting turned on again. So around May 2015 I gave in, let go and started gaining. I found this site and joined for the first time (I quit, then came back a few times), and found the Gainer’s Pledge. So yeah, around 2005-2006 is when I had my first inkling of wanting to get fat.

I don’t know if my husband suspects. I make comments that I got tired of worrying about getting fat, or if I do so what, that’s why they make bigger size clothes, I joke about my belly and call myself Fatboy, and things like that, but I never came right out and said it.

I’m going to say round belly with a nice layer of soft blubber. Mine tends towards round and hard.

I also tighten my belt and let it slide under my belly to show it off. I consciously fight the urge to hold it in, letting it protrude. Whether people notice, because so many people are overweight, and I’m just another fat guy, I don’t know. But I do like to draw attention to my belly. In the shower I cradle it with one hand and let it hang out while I ... y’know, which makes it all the more erotic. At night in bed, lying on my side I sort of cradle it.

Y’know, I think about this a lot too and I think you nailed it at least as far as I’m concerned.

I always had a “weight problem”, dieting and exercising it away. I wanted to get the (natural) bodybuilder physique. I never achieved it though I got in pretty good shape running, mountain biking and weight lifting.

I worked at a school as the IT admin. where there was a custodian named Hector. He was the sweetest politest guy you could meet.. and he was fat. I thought he was attractive as hell, though I wasn’t into fat guys then. I still maintained my dislike and fear of getting/being fat. But I fantasized about him... I still think about him 30 years later.

I discovered Xtube and kept stumbling on the fat guy videos. It was a guilty pleasure to see guys that I thought were really obese... which it turns out that relatively speaking they weren’t... turned me on.

When I saw I wasn’t going to achieve the body image and goals I was going for, realizing that I’m basically lazy and it was more work than I wanted to continue with, I let go and started gaining. I let the historically fat guy in me out of his cage. I’ve wavered over gaining, maintaining or losing. I unintentionally lost 35 lbs last year (I moved, doing most of the work myself). I recently put back 5 lbs and am trying to get back up somewhat. I’m 215 at 5’6” but don’t know if I’ll ever hit 245 again, much less the 260-270 I hoped.

For someone who was fat phobic to the nth degree it’s amazing how much I like being fat, and how I’m attracted to fat guys. And it seems I keep raising the bar.

I’m also self-diagnosed mildly Asperger’s. I have the signs for it as well as OCPD. The Asperger’s runs in my family. It’s funny (odd, not comical) that when I was about 18 someone asked me if I knew what autism was. Apparently he detected it in me from my behavior. I’ve embraced it, but it’s hard for people to understand, with many thinking the things I say and do are worthy of mockery, being treated or talked to like I’m stupid, or just downright disrespectful. I even got it from my family at times despite two nephews being formally diagnosed.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who’s done an about face from being somewhat athletic to wanting to get fat and blubbery. I was a runner, mountain biker and weight lifter for many years, the last stage was weight training power lifting style. I came to love fat padded muscle on guys, with a round belly, and switched my attention to that. I saw a shore town cop in his summer uniform of tight white polo shirt and tight blue shorts. He had massive traps, arms, legs, and a big round belly. I still think about him and um... fantasize.

After a couple of surgeries on my shoulder and back I realized my weightlifting days were over. I started getting fat and liked it. I’m getting soft; my chest is becoming squishy moobs (a definite turn on); my belly, which was the round and hard type seems to be getting softer; I’m getting soft rolls under my armpits. I don’t really have much of a fupa yet, but I’m waiting. I want to see my belly get to ripple when I move, and hang over my belt rather than just protrude.

Watching a former athlete go fat is definitely erotic.

I’m reluctant to mention it at the risk of TMI and it’s somewhat graphic nature, but... personal toilet hygiene.

When I was up to 245 lbs. I dreaded going to the bathroom anywhere but home, where I have a handheld shower head and can get in the shower. Contorting to reach back and around was a nightmare. It doesn’t help that I have two rods and four screws in my lumbar that reduces my flexibility to that of an iron bar.

I often went back to my desk fearing I was not entirely fresh. I lost 30 lbs. unintentionally... increased activity which has slowed to a crawl. I’m beginning to creep back up ... initial goal is 225-230 and take it from there... but I’m beginning to experience the same hygiene issue. I’m retired now and home most of the time, so it’s not a fear I’ll be at work less than completely fresh.

I don’t know what other people, who are even bigger, do to address the issue. Ideas, tips?