NewBalloon:
Hello, everyone! I'm new to the site. I'm a 6-foot tall male and have gained over 100lbs in the last three years, going from a fit four-workouts-a-week (and as a former fat kid/teen, fittest in my life) 175lbs up to an accidental, then intentional but temporary 307lbs (heaviest ever) before life events caused me to drop down to my current weight of 275lbs. I haven't been below 270lbs since gaining.
Obviously, I'm not the heaviest I've ever been. But today something happened to me that made me feel fatter than ever and I'm afraid/excited that it may have completely altered my self image. I guess I'm just hoping for feedback, shared experiences, or thoughts on what took place and how, right now, I feel it really changed things. But I don't know how yet...and I don't really know if it was a good experience or not.
Today I went to be fit for a suit. The employee who helped me was a young, short, and skinny young woman and the seamstress who made notes for alterations was a little older, tall, and slim. At first I underestimated my jacket size, asking to see a 44 when I needed a 50. Then I asked to see a size 42 pants but had to go up to 46 easily. When I asked for a shirt she took my measurements -- as I stood there I felt huge and heavy. She went and found a shirt, I put everything on and stepped up onto the viewing platform surrounded by panoramic full-body mirrors.
I don't know if it's because of the fit of the suit, or the look, or the tucking in of the shirt (I don't often since gaining), or the mirrors, or the two slender women standing beside me...I saw myself in a new light and to be honest, I freaked myself out.
I felt big and round and wide and like I was exposed. My love handles were so wide and pronounced even sucking in my gut seemed vain and pointless next to my whole silhouette. I didn't know how round my waist was or how padded and fat my back has become. I'm a little panicked, a very excited, but I feel like I've misunderstood what people's perception of me has been for so long. I'm 275, down from 315...so what must I have REALLY looked like before? I feel like a veil has been lifted and I don't know if I'm going to diet hard and try to drop it...or, since I'm here already, push things further...maybe lose later? I don't think my mental image of myself kept up with my gain.
Has anyone else freaked themselves out with their body? What did you do?
Tl;Dr: Suit fitting made me feel my size like never before and I'm both excited/terrified of what happens to my self image from here.
i think your reaction is pretty common. i have gained 200 lbs over several years, and i have felt that way a number of times.
the first time was when someone showed me a video, and in it i stood with my hands on my hips. at first it didn't register that it was me, one of those "who is that fat guy?" moments. i was probably 240-250 lbs, so almost a hundred pounds into my gain.
this has happened a few times since. most recently when i was at a hotel and the elevator had windows on each wall - the first time in a long time i had seen my body from all sides. it was another, "wow, i am *fat*" moment. until then i didn't realize how other people saw my body at over 350 lbs.
so i think what you experienced is common for people who gain a lot. how did those sensations of feeling exposed make you feel?
