everyone has made really great points so far (well, with the exception of the poster directly above ).

we were having a discussion last night at dinner around how people get to the point that they do what they want, or follow the path they want to, rather than do what pleases others or others expect them to... it's a complicated, difficult subject.

i think my advice would be, don't feel badly if you haven't figured it out now. or this summer. or this year - there's lots of time. you might find in your mid-20s you feel differently. it's not a race. i think the worst position to be in is one where it creates a lot of anxiety for you. so just relax, enjoy the fantasy in a way that is not stressful for you.

experience will help open your mind. the biggest leaps in my understanding of myself resulted from being placed into new situations - moving away for school, moving to a new town for a job, breaking up with someone and moving into a new apartment - it doesn't necessarily change you, but it pushes you out of a comfort zone and accelerates your development. well, that has been my experience. you meet new people, get exposed to new things, and hopefully you get a better sense of yourself along the way.

best of luck!

lol! i would love to see more fat and gaining people on it - most of the updates are coming from people trying to lose weight, though. the tracking tools are really great, easy and fast to use. if it wasn't easy, i wouldn't bother, lol!

yesterday was a 6000 calorie day, btw.

my girlfriend encouraged me to track the calories i consume and burn using this website: fatsecret.com/

last week i cut out beer and some treats, but i was still averaging 4800-5200 calories a day.
6000 is not unusual, with a few beers, and i have had days as high as 7000 on rare occasions.

i have tried to cut down to 3500 but it seems like a punishment!

i used to be a fit person, worked out at a gym regularly for many years. i have always been attracted to fat partners, though not exclusively.

when i started getting fat i was with a larger partner. now i am fatter and with a smaller partner - in every case pretty much it has been wonderful, because of the partner i was with.

my advice is don't get too hung up on "types" of people, concentrate on making real, human connections. being fat or fit is a part of that, but it's a small part.

this is really great perspective and advice, ditzy.

as an old guy now, i can attest the level of change that ditzy talks about is common... and not just between 17 and 21, but for me those changes continued.

my perspective is, it's a journey. when you're young you don't have that perspective, so you take the "now" (pretty much all you know) way more seriously than you probably should.

my advice: do whatever you need to do to reduce your stress (first and foremost) and concentrate on the things that you want to learn and experience. if that requires distancing yourself from anyone (including your gf), do it. ditzy was right - you can't imagine the connections to come over the next 10 years!

most of all - don't live you life because of what others will think. we've all been there, and most of us will tell you, life gets much, much more fulfilling when you start living life for yourself.

best of luck!

for me it was getting fat that eventually allowed me (to give myself) the freedom to eat without second guessing... indulge in what i want, when i want, how much i want. just accept the pleasure of food, of flavour, of texture, of taste - without any guilt or worry.

yes - this is exactly it!

so, we split up (amicably) about a year ago. what is really interesting now is that those habits are still with me - maybe more now, having worked at home for the last year and adding another 50 lbs (probably more).

we are still casually in touch with each other, just the odd email. some stuff happened in her life last month, so i sent her a note and we had a zoom chat last month. i think we were both surprised - i was bigger and she was smaller, lol! she has been using the pandemic to get in better shape, so while she still outweighed me, the gap was certainly much narrower than it was a year ago!

so while she's changed her lifestyle, i find i am stuck in mine. my new/current gf is sensitive to being healthy, but she also has made it clear she's not attracted to skinny guys, so i think i am in a good place right now.

lol! i think it got pretty out of hand about 100 lbs ago! but i know what you mean.

a couple days in with no muffins, cookies or beer... i am already looking forward to this week being over!

yes, i think you are correctly stating it. certainly it was not a conscious decision!

when you put it like that, and i think of my change in thinking from when i was fit to now - the "value" i placed on being in shape motivated me in my exercise. i mean, i went to the gym 3-4 times a week continuously for 20 years! at some point it just becomes a habit, and you do it on automatic pilot.

but when i took that time away and grew out of shape, the "value" i placed on that enjoyment of that new hedonistic lifestyle, was much greater than the effort it would take to get back in shape.

none of it was conscious, but i think i realized i had missed out on some of those pleasures... now they've become the habit, i guess!

was pretty surprised on the weekend to find i'd gained 4 pounds in just one week! that was kind of a shock. i've put on over 50 lbs since halloween without even trying, which kind of scares me a little, to be honest. 350 lbs is way closer than i realized.

so this week i am going to try cutting out beer, and try to resist my girlfriend's baking (no easy task!) and see if i can get things a little more under control. we'll have to wait and see if this helps...