I'm not dogmatic about any of this. Most of my advice on my old site was the best I could come up with 16 years ago.
Back then, there was very little info on feedism and most of that was really bad. (Many didn't even believe female feedists existed--they thought there were only predatory male feeders and their victims. At the same time, some feeders WERE predatory (still are!). And some feedists attacked me for even suggesting that such feeders existed or that there could ever be any downsides to feedism.)
I'd be astonished if no progress had been made since then.
My site was a strange animal. I originally meant it to be entertainment, but then I started getting some serious emails from people struggling with challenges related to feedism. I tried to step up my game and give them good advice. I believe I did pretty well, but of course it wasn't always perfect. Whose advice is? Anyway, I got a lot of positive feedback about the advice I did give.
As I said there was very little information back then. For awhile there I was getting more email than I could answer!
But after awhile I was not the only game in town, and people could get much broader advice and personal stories than I could ever provide. So I was happy to retire the site and let others take over. Occasionally I stick my oar in to current conversations, but even these days I am not necessarily right, and even my better advice does not apply to everyone.
But even these days there is almost no hard data on feedism and we're all largely shooting in the dark. And there's still a lot of bad advice out there. For example, I talked to one woman a couple of years ago who want to gain but all the people she talked with were so full of crap she couldn't figure out what to believe. I was able to help her, and she's still grateful.
Feel free to challenge anything I've written. Honest discussion on these points is the only way forward. I'd rather you didn't trash me personally, but go ahead if you must.
1 year
RegularGhost15:
I don't see any benefit in picking friends based on size. Your hiking example doesn't even stand up to scrutiny because thinness doesn't equate to fitness. I weigh more than I have in my entire life and I can run faster and further than I ever have 🤷
Anyway, the deciding factor on who was "easier" to make friends with for me has always been determined by their level of maturity/insecurity. Body weight has never been the ultimate deciding factor on our compatibility.
What's wrong with just making friends with similar interests like normal people?
Again, I never said it should be the only basis for a friendship. I don't appreciate this straw-man stuff.
1 year
AskDrFeeder:
I'm not saying you should dump all your thin friends, just the fat-shaming ones.
Munchies:
Then just?? Say that???
Okay, I just did!
Also, fat shaming knows no size. There are fat people with internalized fat phobia that will turn around at fat shame you. And half the time, they are bigger than you've ever been.
Once more, a real friend - big or small - will not disrespect you.
Quite true. Someone's size is not the only determination of who would make a good friend. I just think if you're fat or gaining there are some natural advantages in having fat friends. They're easier to keep up with on hikes. They're more prone to eat the same kinds of things and the same quantities, making them more fun to hang out with.
But again, it's not the only factor. A thin person with feeder tendencies could be an incredible friend.
1 year
I'm not saying you should dump all your thin friends, just the fat-shaming ones.
1 year
Miachu:
But as I've gotten fat, My friends have honestly not really cared much about my weight gain. Probably because I'm not the only one in my friend group who's put on weight lmao
Ha! Well, I guess your friends' getting fat has the same effect as getting fatter friends, so I'll take this as confirmation.
1 year
One of the downsides of getting fat is the social stigma.
I've always thought the best way to deal with that is to make fat friends, and possibly to dump thin friends.
Has anyone done this?
Has it helped?
Is it easier to make fat friends than thin ones?
1 year
Take it slow, learn to pace yourself, and eat a variety of things, not just ice cream and sweets. It's fine to eat junk food, but eat healthy stuff as well. You might try eating healthy in the beginning of the day and switching to fattening goodies after you satisfy your nutritional requirements. Or eat healthy meals, but double down on snacks and dessert.
After awhile you'll get used to eating like that and will be able to eat more and enjoy it.
1 year
Make friends with fat people. This will normalize fatness in your mind and make it easier to deal with.
You shouldn't dump your thinner friends, but a little distance might be good, especially if they are judgmental fitness freaks or diet Nazis.
1 year
MitchHedberg:I haven't noticed this at all, just look at the WeightGainTalk subreddit and you'll find tons of people apprehensive about judgement.
Weight based discrimination has actually increased over the last few years, despite everyone being fatter on average.
According to this it could be linked to a resurgence in right-wing values but I'm not making that claim myself:
bristol.ac.uk/neuroscience/news/2023/obesity-stigma.html I think the article is probably right, that anti-fat discrimination is correlated with right-wing views. But it doesn't present any evidence that it's on the increase.
That has nothing to do with my conjecture anyway. Feedees could less conflicted than they used to be even if there was a rise in discrimination.
1 year
