Update! I can almost safely forget about all this since it looks likely that I’ll be working from home through possibly all of 2020.

Not the best news for “work me”, but “fat me” sees the perks 😉 thank goodness I get to put off getting back in acceptable shape for walking about and standing for longer stretches than the time it takes me to make a meal! I’m beyond unfit now, and currently 20lbs heavier since lockdown ☺️

I get lower back pain every time I gain 10+ lbs. For me, it’s entirely a matter of muscle strength, and that leads to poor posture, especially when I’m standing up. It’s probably safe to say I gain my weight lower on my body than your husband has on his, but in either case I’d suggest doing a few set of freestanding squats, (legs parallel to one another, arms outstretched straight in front, and bending at the knees while keeping the back straight... or just google it 🤣).
I try to do 3 sets of 8-12, depending on what I’m reasonably capable of at the time. A handful of those over a week or two tends to be all I need, and I hope it helps him!

Honesty, like, 98%!of the time I’m a confident, happy, and an overall badass *** with the super power to ignore diet culture and mainstream body ideals. But a lot of that‘s come from having gained my weight intentionally, and with thoughtful decision making along the way.
I haven’t had time to prepare my ego for the potential reactions, or rehearse a decent excuse I can put into a witty quip at my expense, that’ll let me take the piss out of myself while preempting then from sharing those reactions...
my advice is to come up with those 2 things and you might have some semblance of a plan..?? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

For most people I’ve spoken to about this, which has been a lot (I like to hear people’s feedism backstories), nearly all of us have had to deal with some amount of shame along the way towards engaging confidently and happily with this fetish community.
What that shame has felt like to each person whose experienced it, though, does tends to vary. For me it wasn’t thinking negatively about myself for what was turning me on, just a *strong, deep-seated* apprehension and aversion towards any notion of where my feedee desires might one day take me if I let myself go. I had a very limited range of fantasy weight gain and anything beyond that gave me a jolt of anxiety and instantly turned me off.
I knew at the time that the anxiety feels came from the fear of only belonging outside of society as I knew it, like a “fear of future shame”... in hindsight, there’s not a lot of difference, if any, to the shame you asked about.

I encourage you to keep in mind that feeling ashamed of a fetish, or any aspect of your sexuality and/or fantasies, is a reaction to the way you’ve seen fatness and/or feedism rejected by your family/loved ones, social life, and society as a whole. A few thousand years ago, social rejection meant certain death; this is not a trivial thing to overcome.

tl;dr: The shame is normal. It’s just your lizard brain telling you you’ll die if you buck societal rules and norms (you won’t).

Honestly, I’ve got a load I could add about how I personally got from “there” to here, if you want to hear it..? I tend to ramble in these posts so I’ll spare y’all until I’m asked 🤣

Yes, given the way you describe your feelings towards it, it’s possible this fetish will always have a place in your mind. The way I looked at it, back when I was on the road to getting over my anxiety about that, (you are not alone in this), was this:
If you’re after a monogamous/traditional type LTR, you neither need nor want *everyone* to be a viable partner - just one, maybe more throughout a lifetime. This kink/fetish/whatever you want to call it, gives us an opportunity to really whittle down our prospective dating pools. True, this also often acts as a downside. But in my experience it’s nowhere near as disheartening than trying to find FA’s on normal dating apps.

Your other option is to choose not to acknowledge your fetish, and practice ignoring it by living a romantically and sexually more vanilla lifestyle. Plenty of people are closet feedists; I was though all my relationships before I decided to give gaining a go. Personally I thought both then and now (over 150lbs later!), that to live like that is a waste of a life. Not just because of the kind of relationships I’ve gotten to have since, either. I’ve been living my best life this whole time, single or otherwise.
Hope this helps 😊

Keep eating and this will keep happening 😉 I also had a few “wake up fatter” moments early on that wound up being totally legit. You will hit a plateau at some point, in which case come back here for recommendations (I suggest a few days/brief spell of dieting).

Welcome to weight gain!

Greatest thing I’ve seen tucked into a forum yet 😂 Thanks for that

I sometimes think that sex acts as a barometer in a relationship, particularly when that relationship is headed towards going tits up because it’s lost intimacy and stopped meeting important needs for one or both people in it.

Your situation, as I read it, is unbelievably common - if I weren’t such a lazy fuck I’d link to a diagram from a longitudinal relationship satisfaction study, but you’ll have to take my word for it that most are moderate-high, until they have a baby; levels then spend a year plummeting to very low satisfaction. If the couple stays together their mutuel levels of satisfaction steadily rises until it returns to moderate-highly satisfying... in about 18ish years. It also comes with an additional dimension of depth, which I haven’t seen quantified (because I haven’t looked 🤷🏻‍♀️).

If you want to help me test out a theory, (which you totally should because then it’s for science, which is a noble cause 😉): look into what options are available to you to for relationship and/or couples sex therapies are available to you. Then talk to your wife about what you’ve found, and explain why you began looking for help - because you realised your connection is slipping away and you take that seriously enough to do something about it. That fact is far more important than details of the sexual fantasies currently filling in that void for you. And if I’m right about that, then your wandering eyes/heart may look like they’re about sex, but really both are a result of a more intimate dissatisfaction you’re experiencing. Intimacy is built with vulnerability and acceptance, but getting around to those conversations started when you’re each trying to survive parenting and working? Hella hard and unrealistic for tons of couples to fix on their own.

If you want to try something before you call it quits, make it couple’s counselling. Find a sex+/fetish+ one if you want to talk about sex more openly.

What y’all are kink shaming up there is called “Death Feedism”, and sits at the far end of aeveral feedism sub-spectrums. “Feeding someone to death” isn’t actually a literal thing. It’s so impractical that, by choice or not, most death feedists are just like “vanilla” feedists, (not hating because I am one!), but without any concerns about limits, and anecdotally it seems more likely fat and sex may be inextricable for them (also me).

I get that the issues of abuse and meaningful consent are easy to imagine, even for people who don’t relate. On the overall spectrum of feeding and fattening, I’m pretty sure we can agree that the, “fed beyond immobility by dominant feeder” end is the most extreme of all the feeder sub-spectrums.

My dad was given a terminal cancer diagnosis with 12-18 months to live. Grim, I know, but this happened when I was at my thinnest adult weight (an athletic 185/size 14 US) and had ended a sexless joke of a non-“relationship” relationship just hours before that bombshell dropped.

I’d toyed around with the idea of gaining since I discovered feedism and put a name to why the thought of growing a belly hang made me cum so freaking hard. But up until that day I pictured myself finding an FA but keeping my fetish to myself, in fantasy only except for being fiercely body positive and secretly enjoying any accidental gains I might have.

What a halfhearted waste of a life experience mine would have been if I’d never had that existential slap in the face, or one that came with the freedom of starting over in a new country, and also a built in excuse to explain away the kind of weight gain that makes loved ones gossip and debate whether they should intervene; I moved overseas to help my birth dad die - of course I was going to “comfort eat” my way through it all!

So, yeah, TL;DR is I once had a mortality-based epiphany that made me gain 150 lbs 🤣