It is difficult to put an age to it, but like most people here, I also remember being fascinated by fat since a young age. Here are some memories of early signs:
- Already at primary school, I was fascinated by big kids. I remember telling my cousins about this kid at school who was so big he had "boobs"
- My grandparents had a scale in their bedroom. I remember that my chubby cousin and I used to play in their bedroom and I always tried to convince my cousin too step on the scale. I must have been about 10 years old and I was desperate to know how much she weighed. Unfortunately I never managed to convince her...
- My brother had one of those "friends books" where his class mates write a little text and some info about themselves, like their weight. I was fascinated that one of his class mates weighed 100 lbs (45 kg)
- When I was a bit older, somewhere in middle school, I stuffed pillows under my clothes to feel fat. I also occassionally stuffed to get some belly
- It was pre-internet, but I looked famous painters like Rubens and others up in my parents encyclopedia to see some paintings with big ladies
- I studied the pictures of hotel pools in tour operators brochures to see if I cold spot any big girls at the pool
- We had the movie "Wild at Heart" from David Lynch on VCR. It has a scene with some naked fat ladies dancing. I replied that scene so many times when I was home alone, that the tape started to wear out.

There are many FAs (myself included) who prefer a big belly over big breasts.

I am sure that there must have been tons of research looking into why people have certain sexual preferences. I don't think we will ever understand this or know why. I have had this fascination for fat for as long as I can remember, so I am sure it must be something unconscious from very early childhood or something I was born with.
For me, it is mostly about the “softness”. Someone could have the biggest belly on earth, but if it would be hard to touch, it would not do much for me. Touching, feeling and cuddling a soft body, or the anticipation of how soft someone must be when I see soft curves, is what gets me going. Is this because it reminds me of soft cuddles as a baby, or the contrary, a lack of them? I don’t know. Is it something genetic? Possible, but then it must be random genetic variations, because fatsexuality doesn't usually seem to run in families.
I have thought about this a lot, seeking answers for my preference because I was struggling with it when I was younger. But you just have to accept it as it is without asking why because it will not go away. It is like if we were on a train that never stops. You are on it and you can't get off. You can see the outside world through your window, but you are not part of it. You may dream about it, pretend to be part of it, but you're not. You're fatsexual and you have no idea at all what other people find so attractive about skinny people. You can be sad about being on this train and constantly be staring out of the window, or you can sit back, get to know the other passengers on the train and enjoy the ride wherever it takes you.

Of course, this is just a metaphor, don't take it literally. I don't mean we are people in a different universe, of course we interact with "normal" people as well. But sexually, I feel on a different planet. I have no idea what drives other men so crazy about skinny or normal sized women. I have fallen in love with skinny women, but it was purely platonic, no sexual feelings involved at all. Sexually, I will never feel complete unless I am with a big woman, and I have learnt to accept that as it is without continuing to wonder why.

I think it is like an addiction, you need more and more to be satisfied...

I fit in this category as well. I was a skinny boy when I was younger, and lacked some self-confidence because of this. I wanted to be bigger, but never really tried to gain weight on purpose, except some lousy attempts when I was single and had no BBW in my life.

Not sure if my FA preferences developed as a kind of envying all those people that were lusciously fat while I was skin and bones. I doubt it though, because I had this fascination for all things fat already when I was still a young kid, and I doubt I was already self-conscious about being skinny at that age.
It's probably rather the other way around: my FA preferences causing me to be more self-conscious about being skinny and wanting to be bigger.

You were muscular when you met and she made some negative comments, so be careful not to project your own preferences and read too much in it.
But people can certainly change, and maybe your wife doesn't mind "some" belly anymore (but that doesn't mean she would like you to be 400 lbs neither).
Maybe she always liked big bellies but never dared to admit that and tried to hide that with negative comments on fat (I have known some people who seemed to be anti-fat and made negative comments on people, but turned out to be FAs... sad but true...)
Maybe she doesn't really like it, but as Chubbeyhoney said, is just being nice.

The only way to know is to casually bring up the issue when the occasion presents itself.

Have you ever discussed this with him?
Maybe he is just a considerate FA who is afraid to 'use' your fat because he is concerned that it might make you feel insecure. Websites like this may give a different impression, but (unfortunately) the vast majority of big women are not so comfortable with their body.
From what I have read from you also from previous accounts, I seem to remember that you sometimes go through such spells where you feel less comfortable with your size, and maybe he tries to not emphasize that by paying too much attention to your curves.
I am very much like that myself. With most of my girl friends I felt quite some inhibition to pay much attention to their bellies or other 'problem' areas that they don't like. Also the fear that they wouldn't 'get' how it arouses me and might think I'm a freak for loving their fat, has held me back quite a lot.
Unless I'm 100% sure that the woman I am with likes it, I will not go and grab rolls and rub bellies and tell her how beautiful her large hanging belly is.

This also fits with the fact that when he has had a few, he does grab your belly, because as we know, alcohol lowers such inhibitions.

It makes me sad to read that so many men have an IQ and EQ the size of a mustard seed... Don't let them ruin the experience for you.

Sorry to hear that. When I read your story, I can't help but think there is some underlying depression. You should have that checked out by a medic, because there is medication that can help you to get back on your feet and feel better. You shouldn't feel unhappy.

Is there any possibility to join a local club, charity or anything like that, or even a church? A beautiful young girl like yourself shouldn't be locked inside her house. Could you try to go back to school, that would also be a good way to make new friends. Or try to find some volunteer work or so.

Also, I think you have to think about whether gaining weight is really what you want, or is it an escape? Is being a feedee in your DNA, or is it something that eases your emotional pain. If it is just easing your emotional pain, then you are just fighting the symptoms, while you should try to find what causes you this emotional pain and how you can avoid it. Think about what would really make you happy and feel good about yourself, and then try to find the courage to go for that. I know, much easier said than done, but if you speak to a doctor, you will see that there are therapies that could help you find the strength you need.
All the best!

When you are dating an FA, chances are big that he is at least open to it. I don't want to say that most FAs are feeders, certainly not, but as a non-feeder FA myself, I have the feeling that a feedee better understands our FA feelings. A feedee loves her curves in the same way as a FA does. And most FAs even if they are not feeders, are not against some weight gain.
Bring it up gradually tough. Explore what he likes, give subtle hints, see what his reaction is when you say you have gained some weight, etc.