Chapter 2

There was a line-up at the microwave in the break room when Al went to heat up his ravioli at lunch the next day.

"Is it okay if I cut in front of you, man?" said his pod-mate Richie. "Because I gotta be back on the phones in like two minutes. Nessa will have my balls if I'm late again."

"Sure, go ahead," said Al.

"You have no idea what she's really like," said Richie as he punched in the numbers. "She likes you. You're the stats golden boy."

"Oh, it's no big deal," said Al, flushing. He kind of hated how ridiculously good he was at his job. Sure, it was nice to win grocery store gift cards and have his name on the Wall of Fame, but it stopped the slackers from being nice to him.

'Whatever," said Richie, running out with his meal in hand.

Al took his turn at the microwave. There wasn't anyone he knew on break, so he sat by himself. With hudreds of employees and constant staff turnover, he usually didn't know anyone to eat lunch with. He pulled out his tuna sandwich, his ham and cheese sandwich, an apple, half a dozen chocolate chip cookies and a bag of salt and vinegar chips. The secret to eating lots was variety, he thought. That way he didn't get tired of any one taste.

"You eating all that?" said a woman as she sat down across from him. "Wow."

Al jerked his head in a non-committal way.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I like to see a man with a healthy appetite," she said. "As above, so below, right?"

He stared at her. She was about the same age as him, slightly chubby, with long dark hair and plenty of eyeliner behind her glasses. She was wearing purple fingerless gloves.

"That was a joke about sex," she said, meeting his stare levelly.

Al flushed.

"I know," he said.

She cocked an eyebrow.

"Do you?" she said. "I'm sorry, I'm so rude. I'm Kat." She held out one partially-gloved hand.

"Al," he mumbled.

"I know," she said, pushing her hair back. "Alain Deveau. I, um, actually recognized your voice. I work in Quality. I've listened in on tons of your calls."

"You have?" he said, feeling embarrassed.

"Oh, yes. I'm always amazed at how good you are at being self-effacing. Everyone else gets frustrated or upset or pissed off once in a while, but you always put the customer first."

"That's my job," said Al, stung.

She smiled, tapping his wrist with her bare fingers.

"I've wanted to meet you for ages, but this place is so big, it's hard to pick one person out. Especially when you have no idea what that person looks like. If I'd've known how cute you are, I'd've tried a lot harder to track you down."

Al, tongue tied, tried to get out a response to this.

"Just say, thank you, Kat," she instructed, her hand brushing his wrist again.

"Thank you, Kat," he said.

"You're welcome," she said. "You know, this place is so big, when I first started here I used to get turned around all the freakin time. I practically had to leave a trail of bread crumbs to get back to my desk. Otherwise I'd just end up wandeing endlessly in a sea of identical cubicles."

"Looking for a life preserver," said Al.

Kat grinned.

"Yeah, that would have made my desk stand out," she said. "The SSS Quality Control."

"I know what you mean," said Al, finishing off his ravioli and moving on to his first sandwich. "I took a wrong turn down by the men's washroom once, and I entered a Hell dimension. They call it-" he lowered his voice ominously, "The Floor."

She laughed.

"It is like that, isn't it? Chained to your desk, unable to move or cry out, forced to answer pleasantly to any damnfool thing someone asks, hundreds and hundreds of tortured souls, all knowing they can't spend too long peeing in the john or they'll get a verbal warning... you're right. Definitely a Hell dimension."

"The portal's definitely the big door with the swipe lock," said Al.

'Definitely," Kat giggled. "There's always a guardian demon watching there, to make sure we abandon all hope who enter here."

"The new Flaxic motto," said Al, biting into his apple. "It should be carved in stone over the portal."

"Also an option on the IVR. Press 4 to abandon all hope."

"Agents and customers united at last," said Al. He couldn't believe she was laughing at his jokes. Nobody laughed at his jokes. Not girls, anyway. He'd never been able to attract women, mainly because his flirting style involved not making eye contact and never speaking to any girl he had a crush on. He was 24 and still a virgin. Lately he'd been getting a panicky feeling, like maybe he was going to die without ever finding out what sex was like.

But all of that was beside the point, because here he was making conversation with a strange girl over lunch. The words flowed unbelievably easily, as he teased her for being a pitchfork-bearing member of the management team. All too soon, lunch break was over. Al had finished everything but the last three cookies.

"Finish those up," said Kat, as she stood up. "You're going to need energy for a long afternoon."

"I'm off at four," said Al, before biting into a cookie. It was filled with chocolatey goodness.

"What a coincidence, so am I."

"Really? I've never seen you at the bus stop."

"I have a car," she said. "Listen, would you like a lift home after work?"

"If it's not out of your way-"

"It's no problem," she said.