Chapter 1

"You're gay right?" I felt my face flush red at the question. I understood that I liked men. I knew girls just didn’t appeal to me, but having to say ‘Yeah, I am gay’ is possibly the most difficult sentence I ever have to say.

It marks you as different from everybody else and makes you feel like you're wrong for saying it. I am who I am, but that one sentence causes me so much fear and anxiety. I had to take a deep breath.

I looked up at Jason Antochelli, the hottest guy in our senior class, at least I thought so. He was the one who asked if I was gay. It was during period three lunch. It's not like I hadn't noticed him. Everyone knew he dated no one. Ever.

He had a perfect smile, intense green eyes, thick, wavy black hair, an exceptionally hot body (which is trained completely without the help of school sports), and a fantastic ass. It must be the perfect round bubble shape. That's all nice and well but I like...larger guys. Oh god, add that to the list of things “wrong” with me.

But why does he care if I'm gay? I had been "out" since freshman year. I thought everyone knew that; that's why everyone avoids me.

In a small town there aren't too many gays, or even gays that want to be known as gay when everyone already suspects it.

"Uh, yeah." I replied. I fidgeted with my sweater. He was smiling. It was a cool smile and it showed the small gap between his front two teeth. He had on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. I got to see his beefy pecs and muscular arms. He really was hot.



"Well, uh, you think you maybe wanna go catch a movie or grab something to eat?" Why is he asking me out? I'm pretty sure he's straight. I’ve had this happen to me before and I am in no mood for it to happen again.

It happened freshman year when I let my guard down. A kid transferred in late and Seth Yablonowski convinced him to ask me out. It was a joke, of course, but I just feel really stupid for even hoping I could go out with Johnnie. He and Seth are like the biggest jerks ever.

"Listen. I'm gay, but I'm not gonna put up with a dick move like playing a prank on me. Go fuck yourself Jason." I told Jason Antochelli to go and fuck himself. Oh god, what if I made him mad? I got up and walked out.

I’d finish my lunch in the art room.



For the rest of the day I was so pissed I couldn’t even think straight. He couldn’t have honestly wanted to go out with me, could he? I went out to my car and leaning on it was Jason.