chapter 8

"Yes, I am Dr. Lawry," he confirmed. "And you are?"

"I'm Casey Kirby."

"AX3 has never been around an African-American for such an extended period. It might be worth getting your testimony about your experience. Was he receptive? Both AX1 and AX2 were also white males. Perhaps that's where we went wrong." He was rambling, his mind obviously trying to piece together what factors could improve Axel's chances of passing the government tests.

"Racism isn't inherent," I said. "So, unless you taught him to hate black people he would treat everyone equally."

"Well," he said, clearing his throat. "It would still be worth doing some studies."

"Why did Axel get so worked up? What did you say to him?"

"It was just an activation phrase. We use it to get him to attack. You see, he was a difficult subject, but the only one which survived. AX1 and AX2 both suffered deaths in training." He narrowed his eyes on me before speaking again. "To activate the attacks, you must say Perro de Presa Canario. To deactivate them say Palos Verdes Blue. But that's all irrelevant to you, Casey Kirby."

This was much more intense than I could have imagined. I wanted to ask more questions, to voice my opinions on the whole matter, but I couldn't vocalize anything. My throat was so dry. I wanted a glass of water, but I didn't want to leave Axel alone with this man.

Dr. Lawry broke the silence. "When can I take him?" he asked, before laughing obnoxiously. "Disregard that, I'm taking him as soon as he wakes up."

"You can't take him! We're--you can't." I felt nauseous. He couldn't take Axel from me. I felt selfish, but I liked having him around, and I wanted to make sure he was happy. Even if we weren't a couple. Even if being in each other's lives was only temporary. I had to help him be independent. Had Mr. Tanaka treated him like nothing? Like some simple weapon who didn't have his own feelings and thoughts?

"You've had intercourse?" he asked. "He's too unstable for that, he could kill you. What if he snapped your neck after ejaculation? Or couldn't control his sexual urges and raped you?"

"How would you know?" I retorted, blood rushing to my face. "Have you studied his sexual behavior? Did he fuck someone to death? You didn't even know he wasn't racist until a few minutes ago, you sorry ass excuse for a scientist."

"No need to get hostile. I would not know how he responds to sexual intercourse. From what I know he is a virgin. We had him masturbate a few times, as a test, but I do know he's done it without our asking--each time he seems different afterwards." He smiled, and it felt very inauthentic. "Do you want to, uh--sleep with him?"

"I think you should leave," I said. I didn't like him, not at all. He was a total ass.

"I will. As soon as AX3 wakes up, I will be on my way." He really thought he was going to take Axel. Well I wasn't going to let him. This punk ass dude was getting me more riled up than Jonah ever had.

"His name is Axel, which is what he wants to be called, and he's not going anywhere with you. And to reiterate, I really think you should leave."

"I'm not going--," Dr. Lawry started, but I didn't let him finish.

"Get out," I shouted. "You have no right to take him. He's not some piece of property, he's a person."

"AX3 is government property. You have no claim on him," he said. "How do you know he wants to stay here? You don't." I would hope he enjoyed staying with me. I had really grown to care about Axel.

"I want to stay here with Casey." Axel sat up on the floor. I didn't know he had woken up. "I don't want you bothering Casey ever again, or me." He stood up quickly, as did Dr. Lawry, who put on his suit jacket.

"AX3, really, you don't know what you're doing," Dr. Lawry said in a calm tone.

"Now I really think you should leave." Axel looked at me, still somewhat composed.

"Now AX3, calm down so we can go and--."

"My name is not AX3. My name is Axel." He was getting angry, his eyes narrowed, nostrils flared. "Get out!" He lunged over to Lawry and picked him up again. "You--you and--and Jomei." He made a growling sound. I took it Dr. Lawry had upset him. It seemed he didn't know the guidelines either. Axel shook Lionel like it was nothing, throwing him to the ground after a few seconds. He knelt down beside Dr. Lawry and began to punch him in the chest.

"Stop, Axel no!" He'd kill the elderly man, who didn't compare even a tad to the durability of my apartment wall. I ran over to them, and Axel pushed me back without much effort. I fell backwards onto the coffee table, breaking two of the legs. He had knocked the wind out of me. Axel looked over at me his face contorted in anguish. He looked back at Dr. Lawry, who was panting loudly, and jerked him up from the floor, dragging him out of the room towards the front door. Axel stormed back in, his breathing heavy.

"I hurt you," he lamented, which wasn't entirely true. For the most part I was fine. He hadn't caused me any permanent damage. "I'm broken. I'm stupid." I was still laying on the broken coffee table. He fell to his knees, and I could feel the floor vibrate from the sudden thud. He leaned forward, crying loudly. "Casey I am sorry. I am sorry."

I got to my feet and made my way over to him. I placed a hand on his back, rubbing it gently. "I'm okay Axel, really."

"I should go with him," he said. "It's where I belong. I don't belong here. I don't deserve this." I knew he didn't want to hurt me, and it didn't seem like he ever really wanted to hurt anyone. I wanted to help. I wanted him to feel better.

"When--when I'm angry," I started. "I count backwards from ten, and with each number, I think of something that makes me smile. So, for example, uh, let's say for the number ten I'd think of teaching you to make a grilled cheese. Remember? You put six whole slices in yours."

"You were right. It was too much for one sandwich." He started to soften, his breathing becoming regular once more.

"What's something you'd use for your number ten?" I asked. He sat up, looking at me. His belly rose and fell with each breath.

"Sleeping in bed with you. That always makes me feel calm. Or how you got me all those cakes today. Or when you taught me to dance to Beyoncé." I felt my face get really warm, and I wished he didn't make me feel like this. I didn't want to abuse the situation. I wanted to just be friends.

"That's ten, nine, and eight. You're good at this." He got to his feet, and now he looked down at me.

"Are you all right?" I asked. He nodded, pulling me into his body. We hadn't ever hugged like this before, the closest we got to one another was in bed. I could feel his penis against my stomach again, but this time he was definitely hard. I didn't know what to do.

"When Dr. Lawry asked you if you wanted to have sex with me, you never gave him an answer." I stood in his arms, completely caught off guard. Had he been awake, listening in? Maybe he wasn't as clueless as I thought.

"If I said yes would it make you uncomfortable?" I asked. He hadn't initiated anything sexual before. I didn't know if he was gay. Could he even be gay? Could they have made sure that wouldn't have happened with some sort of pill?

"No, I do not think it would." We stood silent, his arms around me. I didn't want to take advantage of him. He was vulnerable, and he'd been through a lot. If we had met through an app, or on the internet, I wouldn't have hesitated. I would have made my move as soon as he let me know it was okay. "I am sorry for getting so angry," he said, releasing me from his grasp. "When that happens, I remember it, but it doesn't feel like me. Something just takes over."

"It's okay," I reassured him. "How about a snack?" He smiled again and nodded. His leftovers from the coffee shop were a little banged up, but they were still edible. He ate them happily, getting frosting on his nose and lips again. I smiled to myself as I went to get him a paper towel, but the thought of Dr. Lawry's return weighed heavily on my mind.