chapter 1

Nine months ago, I got dumped for being “too skinny.” Yep, you read that right. In a world where women are judged and looked down on more often than not for being “too fat,” the man I thought was in love with me deemed me not fat enough. It broke my heart, and I was so depressed afterwards that I spent the next three months literally stuffing my face and gaining the very thing that caused me to lose him.

By the time Summer classes started, I had packed on the dreaded Freshman 15 (proof that isn’t just a myth). It didn’t really bother me at first though. It was an excuse to buy new clothes and it was nice not having to watch what I ate all the time. What did bother me though, was people I knew looking at me differently, and not in a good way. That included my own family.

It bothered me enough that I spent the first week back at school eating better and exercising so that I could lose the added pounds. But then it happened. While sitting down to a lackluster salad at the café on campus, my ex walked in with a new girlfriend on his arm … already. Not just any girl either, one that had to weigh at least double my 140 pounds.

That was a turning point for me, and where this story starts …

“How could he have moved on so fast? What makes her better than me? A bunch of pounds …” I mumble to myself, fighting back the tears that are threatening to fall. Those questions, and the thought of being forced to spend my lunch break watching them together, make me lose the appetite my salad wasn’t even close to satisfying. Getting up, I make my way over to the trash bins to throw it away.

As it falls into the bin, I look up and see a flyer for a clinical trial on campus. It is for a weight gain supplement designed by students in the medical and science programs to help athletes and those with health issues maintain or gain weight. I look over my shoulder at my ex, who is smiling and lovingly rubbing the belly of his new girlfriend, then back to the flyer as a tear escapes and makes it way down my cheek.

“That’s supposed to be me. He’s supposed to love me. He’s supposed to be touching and rubbing me. I’ll show him fat, and he’ll regret ever leaving me” I mumble to myself, as I turn and head off in the direction of the lab listed on the flyer. When I arrive, I’m greeted by a lab tech named Jack who has me fill out some paperwork. Once I’m done, I just sit there while he goes over everything, nervously fidgeting.

“So, how did you get into something like this, wanting to help people gain weight,” I ask. Without looking up at me he tells me what is clearly an abbreviated story about how he came across something “similar” that was being used to make people to gain weight against their will, and that he had to study it and come up with something to counteract it to help a friend of his (P.S. that’s my Halloween story, Trick or Eat).

“Huh,” I say under my breath, realizing he hasn’t technically answered my question. He’s only given it a different context. “Why would you get involved with something that helps people gain weight if you’ve seen it be used for bad purposes,” I try again. This time he does look up at me while answering, and in his eyes I can see that his response isn’t only the truth, it’s something he is really passionate about.

He explains that, while doing the research to develop something to counteract the other “supplement,” he had discovered that there are a lot of people who could use something like that for health or professional reasons. Not only that, his friend and the others he had witnessed taking it, had come to enjoy the eating and weight gain that came with it.

“The only problem with it … was that it was too extreme, it accomplished the goal too well. The people who took it couldn’t stop being hungry, couldn’t stop eating even when they were full, couldn’t stop gaining weight. It was too effective, too addictive,” he tells me. “There needed to be a better option, something safer and manageable for the people who need and want it, so that’s what I’m doing.”

As he looks back down at my paperwork, I look at him with awe, wishing I had not only his drive to make a difference, but something to care about that much as well. Apparently satisfied with what he read, he gets up and gathers instructions, a journal, and two bottles then returns to his seat. Just as he is about to go over everything, a young woman with fiery red hair bursts through the doors.

“You ready to bust out of here Jack, I’m dying to …,” she starts, then abruptly stops when her eyes fall on me. After a quick apology, she jumps up on nearby county and mimes out zipping her lips. The silliness of it makes me laugh, and I can tell Jack wants to too. He doesn’t though. “I’ll be done with this is a few minutes, then we can head out Rosey,” he says, composing himself, then walking me through everything.

“There are fourteen capsules in here,” he says shaking one of the bottles, and “fourteen scoops of a carb and calorie dense shake mix in here,” he says shaking the other. “If you wanted to just maintain your weight, you would just take one of each a day. But, since you are looking to gain, you will take two capsules and have two shakes.”

He then continues, going over the recommended diet, explaining how the capsules will increase my appetite and weight gain primarily through hormone changes that work similar to those experienced during pregnancy. They will essentially give me “cravings” for the types of foods I need to be eating. Meanwhile the shake mix is meant to help meet the calorie count goals easier. I can drink what I can’t eat.

Beyond that, he goes over a lot of stuff about eating healthy instead of eating junk food and doing light exercise so that my physical abilities keep up with my weight gain, all of which I only half pay attention to. Finally, he hands me the journal and tells me that I need to keep track of everything I eat, as well as my activity levels and measurements, to give them the data they need for their study.

With everything in hand, I stand and give him a smile, blushing a little as he returns it. I’m not really sure what has gotten into me, I’m here to gain weight to make my old boyfriend regret his decision, not to get a new boyfriend. There’s just something about him though that I’m drawn to, how well he listens and how much he seems to care about how this whole trial thing goes for me, not just for their study.

I’m brought back down to Earth though when I’m stopped by the redhead as I make my way to the door. “I saw the way you were looking at Jack … don’t go getting googly eyes for him, he doesn’t swing that way,” she whispers in my ear. Leaning back a bit, I look at him then back at her. “Huh,” I find myself saying under my breath yet again, “I never would have guessed that.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve been there, made that mistake with him … us girls have to stick together,” she whispers with a wink. When Jack interrupts to ask what we are going on about, we look at each other and giggle. Instead of answering, I let him know that I will see him in a week to check in and get more of the supplements and shake mix, then turn and walk out of the lab.

Committed to gaining, I head to the grocery store on my way to the small house I rent off campus. While there, I pick up everything on the suggested food list that I know I won’t have any problem eating. Lots of breads and pastas, cheese and milk, veggies and more. As I put it all up on the conveyor belt to check out, I can’t help thinking to myself that eating to gain weight is SO much better than not eating to lose it.

Once home, I take my first capsule and drink my first shake, then set about making a baked ziti that is smothered in gooey melted cheese and a massive piece of bread coated in butter and garlic spread. I don’t know if it is possible for all of the trial stuff to be kicking in yet, but the meal is too good not to eat each and every bite.

By the time I’m done, I’m more full than I have ever felt in my entire life and more than ready to pass out. I only manage unbuttoning my jeans and toeing off my shoes before collapsing on my bed and doing just that. After sleeping better than I have since the break-up, I go about my morning routine, with the addition of taking another capsule and drinking another shake.

Breakfast is a massive plate of eggs, bacon, and potatoes all mixed together and smothered in cheese. Even though it should be far too much for me to eat on my own, I once again manage to eat each and every bite. Once done, I sit back, rubbing my full belly and looking from the empty plate over to the fridge and cabinets full with all the other yummy things I bought to stuff myself with last night.

“Yep, SO much better …,” I say to myself naively, not yet realizing that there might be consequences that come from my decision to gain weight.