chapter 1: amanda

Amanda glanced around her as she popped the large hood of her parka over her head. This wasn’t a part of town she would normally visit, but she was already in too deep and curiosity had gotten the better of her. The sidewalks along the dimly lit side streets were clear of any shady looking foot traffic. She checked her phone as she stepped away from her car - it was almost 11PM, the time she was told to show up. The wind, previously dormant gusted briefly, channeled down the street by the tall buildings lining each side. She shivered, shoving her hands hastily into her coat pockets.

“What am I even doing here?” she whispered to herself. Just 45 minutes ago she had been at home, snug in a blanket and chatting with her friend. What could possibly have persuaded her so late at night to throw her clothes on, go out into the freezing cold, and drive to a bad part of town? “Maybe Ruby’s just fucking with me…” she thought.

Ruby, or more accurately Roberta, or perhaps even more accurately “Rubenesque” was the only person on earth who knew Amanda’s secret. About five years prior, back when Amanda was still an 18 year old college freshman, she had made an account on a website. This wasn’t an ordinary website, but rather one dealing with a very particular fetish with which Amanda was still partially in denial - or at least had been spending the past 8 years coming to terms with.

It had originally started when she was just a sophomore. Her older sister Amy was a senior who, as a stipulation to being given a hand me down car from her parents, agreed to act as a sort of school bus driver for Amanda. Every day that year she and her sister climbed into a trusty old Crown Victoria and headed towards school. There was one stop that they made however - the stop to pick up Amy’s best friend Marie. The two girls had been inseparable since childhood, and as long as Amy had known her she always felt indifferent towards her. That year at school was different however. As the months went on and the school year progressed, Amanda noticed some changes going on with Marie. She had been a fairly thin girl for quite some time, but she was starting to morph little by little into a fat girl. Each morning she would walk out to Amy’s car just a little bit fuller, a little bit rounder. By the midpoint of the year Marie had developed a double chin, and her belly was starting to protrude over the beltline of her increasingly tight jeans. She was wearing thicker and thicker sweatshirts as a vain attempt to hide her expanding size.

One evening in early April, Marie and Amy were having a sleepover. Amanda didn’t know why, but she was fascinated with being around this girl. She was getting fatter and there was something mesmerizing about it. Something which she found incredibly alluring. Butting in on her sister and her friend, Amanda insisted on hanging out with them while they watched their movie. For the first time in months she was able to see Marie out of her bulky shape hiding sweats. It was exhilarating. She was wearing a tight tank top and some very clingy yoga pants, perched on the couch surrounded by a box of pizza on one side and a bag of peanut M&Ms on the other. That night was the first time Amanda had ever masturbated solely based on memory of the flabby display she had witnessed. Every slurping bite of pizza, every morsel of candy, watching Marie as she belly laughed at a scene in the film and tracing the outline of her flabby body shaking and rippling in the faint bluish light coming from the television.

The experience had been one which pushed Amanda to figure out what the hell was going on with her. The internet was extremely useful for narrowing down her degeneracy quickly. A simple search for “attracted to fat people gaining weight” brought her to a wikipedia page about fat fetishists, weight gain fetishes, and feeders/feedees. Searching upon those terms brought up a treasure trove of websites dedicated to the topic. Settling in on one in particular, she set about discussing weight gain, exploring what she found attractive, and talking with some people in the community. She stayed anonymous. She didn’t have any idea why this side of her existed, and she was determined to keep it closely guarded. Originally she thought maybe she was a lesbian. Marie’s body had turned her on incredibly, but eventually she came to the conclusion that she wasn’t attracted to Marie - just what Marie had been doing to herself. That’s when Amanda realized that she desperately wanted to be a feedee.

She had never been fat, in fact Amanda was quite conventionally attractive. A pale complexion paired with long, dark brown hair and light green eyes gave her fine facial features a mesmerizingly seductive look. She was fairly tall at 5’10 and only 125 pounds, in fact her slightly shorter sister had often referred to her half-affectionately as “beanpole”. Her parents weren’t fat, in fact they were quite health conscious, jogging together most mornings and being sure to watch their diet. There was no explanation she could come up with as to why she wanted to be fat. She assumed maybe some of the wiring had gotten crossed in her brain, but throughout her college years no matter how many parties she had attended, how many guys had hit on her, and how hard she tried to make “normal” relationships work she could never shake the erotic fantasies she had brimming in her brain.

After college, she moved by herself to the city. She majored in hospitality and got a job working at the concierge desk at a prestigious local hotel. The real reason Amanda had picked a large city was her desire to be distanced with her past - her family, her friends, the small town in which she grew up. They were all hindrances to her goal. She wanted to give in. She wanted to let herself go. She didn’t just want to get a little fat, she wanted to get absolutely enormous. The more the fantasy had built inside of her unrealized the more it ate away at her. Still, even in this setting she had spent the past year too much of a coward to follow through. She bought clothes in multiple larger sizes and hung them in the closet of her apartment’s vacant 2nd bedroom. She promised herself that she would start growing into them. She would try out stuffing herself for one night and then chicken out in the morning. She had put on a measly 5 pounds and was no closer to being the obese woman she dreamt of than when she was in college. That’s where Ruby came in. There had been a post on a feedee forum talking about meetups for the fatties. They mostly happened in the larger metropolitan areas, and of course there was one where Amanda lived.

One of the girls who she had admired for years on the site, an enormous unabashed fatty who called herself “Rubenesque” helped organize the events. Amanda was too embarrassed to show up with her skinny ass, but desperately wanted to join that life. One night after working up the courage she sent a private message to “Rubenesque” and to her surprise they struck up a pretty good conversation. Amanda came to know “Ruby” pretty well, confiding in this online stranger that she desperately wanted to be obese, but admitted her cowardice in following through. Ruby had given her some tips and ideas, and had insisted on meeting up with her in person multiple times, but alas Amanda had chickened out each time.

So here she was, standing alone on a frigid winter night. The sound of some footfalls drew her attention - a tall and rail thin figure was walking slowly down the sidewalk behind her in a sort of peculiar way wearing a baggy hoodie with their hands in the front pockets, making her nervous. She eyed a few doors up the block the small ragged looking storefront with a neon sign of a mandarin character in the window, and the name “Far East Grocery” in a vaguely “Asian” looking font underneath. She walked brusquely towards the shop door, and in spite of a “Sorry, we’re closed!” sign on the door, pushed her way inside.