Fat! Fat! Fat!

Chapter 1

It was the summer after my senior year of high school. I had a job working at a local grocery store, saving up money before I went off to college in the fall. My best friends Leah and Audrey and I were inseparable all through school, and we were determined to spend as much time together as possible over the summer before we all had to go our separate ways.

Leah was giving Audrey and I a ride home after work one afternoon, when we happened upon a character who had been a presence in my neighborhood for as long as I can remember, a reclusive older woman who lived all alone in a big ominous looking chateau at the end of our block, a woman whom the neighborhood children referred to as “The Fat Witch.”

We wouldn’t see her outside the confines or her home very often, but on the rare occasion that we did she was not at all one to be missed. She was huge, huger than huge! So fat and round and portly the very fact that she could stand upright and move at all seemed to defy the very laws of physics and any sort of logic. She was always dressed in black from head to toe, usually donning some sort of long cloak-like garment. Her skin was as pale as moonlight, and her hair was long and wavy and as black as midnight. In all the years I’d lived in that neighborhood and spotted her lurking about in the daylight I’d never gotten close enough to really see her face. All I could really see is her big old schnoz jutting out in the middle of her rounded pale face.

“Oh my God, Clarissa!” Leah cackled at me. “Who in the world is that?”

“Ugh! She’s huge!” Audrey cried out.

“Oh that,” I said. “Yeah, she’s known around here as ‘the fat witch’.”

“Is she really a witch?” Audrey asked, sounding rather childish in her naivety.

“She’s definitely fat!” Leah chortled.

“Yeah, I don’t know,” I said. “She’s just this lonely old lady who’s lived in that old house forever. She keeps to herself and everyone just leaves her alone.”

Now one might think that after hearing the words, “everyone just leaves her alone,” that would be an indication to just keep on driving and to in fact leave her alone. For some reason however, Leah took this as a cue to pull up to the curb in front of the fat witch’s house and taunt her.

“Hey, fatty!” she called out of the open car window. The obese woman turned her alabaster face toward us and glared right at us with her cool, steely eyes. “Yeah, that’s right! I’m talking to you, porker! Why don’t you go on a diet!?”

Leah and Audrey were laughing hysterically in the front seat of the car. I just sat in the back, quietly mortified as they unleashed a barrage of abuse on this poor helpless woman who hadn’t done anything to anyone — as far as I knew.

“Have you ever heard of a gym, lady?” Audrey said, picking up where Leah left off. “Someone needs to put a chain around your refrigerator!”

“Guys,” I said quietly, “let’s go. I gotta get home!”

But Leah and Audrey just kept right on yucking it up as they hurled insults at this woman whom they, until just a few minutes ago, had no idea even existed. I felt terrible, but I felt helpless to do anything to stop them. Even at age eighteen, I guess I was still a slave to peer pressure.

“Why don’t you pick up the pace a little?” Leah shouted. “Maybe you’ll start burning off some of that lard!”

“Be careful, Leah” Audrey responded, “she might start an earthquake!”

That’s when it happened. The fat witch looked right at me. Not Leah, not Audrey. She looked right at me! I was terrified, I’d never seen her this close-up before. She had this otherworldliness about her; her large spherical body almost seemed to levitate off the ground as she slowly drifted closer to us. Leah and Audrey seemed to be oblivious to all of this as they continued howling over their cruel and juvenile taunts.

As the fat witch approached the car, she lifted her left hand slowly, sticking out her pointer and pinky fingers, wiggling them in this strange sort of circular motion. She seemed to be mouthing some words that I couldn’t understand. My heart was pounding in my chest.

“Guys!” I finally shouted. “Come on, let’s get out of here!”

“Okay, okay,” Leah said as she put the car in gear and hit the accelerator. “Relax, Clarissa. What are you afraid of? You think she’s going to chase after us?”

“Ha! Fat chance!” Audrey quipped, the two of them continuing to howl with laughter.


When we pulled into the driveway and Leah put the car in park, I felt like I had to say something. I was just so disturbed by the whole incident.

“You guys,” I said, “what was that all about?”

“What?” Leah fired back, feigning innocence.

“You’re acting like fourth graders,” I responded. “I mean, we’ve finally graduated high school, we’re about to go off to college, and you guys are regressing back to grammar school.”

“Oh come on, Clarissa,” Audrey said, turning around to look me in the eye. “We were just kidding around. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal,” I answered, “is that this is my neighborhood, and she is my neighbor. I still have to live here for the rest of the summer, and now anytime I see her I am going to be embarrassed because of you two!”

“You’re crazy!” Leah fired back at me. “That lady is the one who should be embarrassed. I mean, can you imagine? Having to go around looking like that? I would never leave the house!”

“You know,” I said, pausing a moment for dramatic effect, “you guys are so closed-minded. We live in a big world full of all different kinds of people, all different shapes and sizes. Who are you to judge someone just because they’re… they’re…”

“Fat?” Leah responded sharply.

“Yeah,” I said. “Fat!”

It was at that moment that I felt a strange sensation in the pit of my stomach, something like I’d never felt before. Kind of like a cramp, but not really - more of a feeling of fullness than a pain, and I heard this unusual grumbling sound coming from deep within me.

*Glub! Glub!*

“What was that sound?” Audrey asked, a concerned look coming over her face. “Was that your stomach?”

“I think so,” I said. “I’ve been working all day, I haven’t had a chance to eat lunch yet. I guess I’m pretty hungry.”

“Well, don’t go eating too much,” said Leah, “or you might end up like your fat friend over there.”


I could turn to my left and still see the fat witch off in the distance, slowly wobbling her way back toward the front steps of her home. My heart kind of felt for her, living there all by herself. It was probably really difficult for her to get around or do anything for herself.

“Well what if I did get fat?” I asked her, and then I heard that sound again. 

*Glub! Glub! Glub!*

“Would you think less me?” I continued. “Would you stop being my friend if I got fat?”

*Glub!*

“No of course not,” Audrey responded. “We’ll always be your friend. No matter what! Isn’t that right, Leah?”

Leah didn’t say anything, she just glared back in the rearview mirror, her crystal blue eyes glaring at me over the top rim of her Ray Ban sunglasses.

“We’re sorry,” Audrey continued. “We didn’t mean anything by it. We were just playing around. We didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything.”

“You should be apologizing to her,” I said.

“Who?” Audrey asked.

“The fat witch, of course!” I answered.

*Glub! Glub!*


I began to feel this strange sort of tightness around my waist, like I was being wrapped around by some giant boa constrictor or something. I was getting more and more uncomfortable by the minute; I just had to get inside.

“I’ll talk to you guys later,” I said as I started to open the door to get out of the car.

“Oh hey,” Audrey said all of a sudden, “do you still have that lipstick that I wanted to borrow?”

“Oh,” I said. “Yeah I think it’s in my room. I’ll have to go look for it.”

“I can help you,” Audrey offered. I told her it was fine, so she got out of the car too. As I started to step toward the front door to my house, I noticed that my shirt had started riding up over my belly, which had started to stick out a bit over the top of my jeans. I tugged at the bottom of my shirt to try and pull it down, but it wasn’t really cooperating.

“You need me to wait for you?” Leah asked Audrey.

“No, I can walk home from here,” she answered. “It’s only a block away.”

“Fine,” Leah answered. “Oh by the way, are we still going to Steve’s party next weekend?”

I had almost forgotten. Our friend Steve was throwing a big send-off party for all the graduated seniors at our school. It was probably going to be our last chance to see and say goodbye to all the old familiar faces we’d known since we were in kindergarten.

“We’ll be there!” Audrey chirped enthusiastically.