Chloe Grows Her Understanding

Chapter 1 - Shock and Anger

I sat down at the kitchen table. I was very thankful that, for once, one or both of my kids weren’t within arms reach. I was having trouble breathing. I was shocked at what I’d just found on Rob’s phone.

It was porn. Lots of porn. Over 1000 files. A bunch of movies. It looked like Rob had been collecting images and videos throughout our whole relationship, as several were ten years old by the saved dates.

And part of me was further shocked by the fact that it wasn’t just faceless women getting fucked. Or that it was a type of woman that wasn’t me, like a bunch of red heads or blondes or something. I think it might have been easier even if it been a weird fetish thing like feet if it was all the same but not like me.

It was none of that. It was all pregnant or very fat, or both, brunettes. I had to admit, a lot of them looked somewhat similar to me, but with dozens to hundreds more pounds! As a women who’d had two kids, I was in pretty good shape! I worked hard at the gym, took walks, and kept close watch on my diet. I’d stayed pretty thin.

I THOUGHT this is what Rob wanted. I thought I’d successfully fulfilled my duties as a wife. He’d never complained to me about our sex life or my body. We still had sex several times a month!!!

I started to get mad, then floated through shame, fear, and disgust. What was wrong with him? Why did he have these? Was it something I did?

I breathed. Rob didn’t know I’d found this. So, what should I do? Leave? Kick him out? Confront him? Scream like a banshee?

I took a couple more breaths. I had to figure this out before just being mad. He was grilling dinner and had obviously accidentally left this file storage open. I’ll put it back and figure out what these images are about. Maybe if I understand more, this will go better? I don’t have the strength to confront him tonight. I was already exhausted and this made me more exhausted.

I sat through dinner and we cleaned up and got ready for the week. Rob usually leaves for the gym and work before I had to get the kids up. I got them to school and then got to work and started looking things up on my own phone.

First, there was a whole community lusting after fat women on the internet. Second, a lot of these women enjoyed getting fatter and reveled in that - at least it seemed that way. Third, there was also a huge group of sites about pregnancy fetish, and some of those involved how big these women could grow their bellies.

The undercurrent was glorifying weight gain, gluttony, and how a woman’s body could change and grow bigger.

Many of these women were strikingly beautiful. Some literally grew until they could hardly move, or even couldn’t take care of themselves, and it appeared many grew their bodies and then disappeared from posting. I wondered why, but so did lots of other people. I had to admit, in an academic sense, they were pretty and many were very body positive.

But the underlying problem was I’d found these secret, hidden files on MY husband’s phone. How do I deal with him? We had two kids, 6 & 4. I didn’t want a divorce. I love him.

This just makes me not trust him. I also feel a lot of that comes from not knowing why he has these and whether he is able to own this and explain his actions. I still needed to process this more.