Magic Shop: the Joke

Chapter 1 - The Joke

"I'm not going in there."

Amanda stopped on the sidewalk and stared at the shop wedged between the laundromat and the closed down deli. The sign above the door read "Curiosities & Remedies" in faded gold lettering, and the windows were so dusty she could barely see inside.

"Come on, don't be boring," Jess said, already pushing the door open. A bell chimed somewhere in the depths of the shop. "Maya found it on that weird Reddit thread. It's supposed to be, like, an actual magic shop."

"It looks like a fire hazard," Amanda said, but she followed her friends inside anyway. Three glasses of wine at dinner had made her brave, or at least willing to go along with whatever stupid idea Jess and Maya came up with.

The interior was exactly as cramped and strange as she'd expected. Shelves lined every wall, packed with bottles of colored liquid, dried herbs tied in bundles, crystals, and objects Amanda couldn't identify. The air smelled like incense and old paper. Dust motes floated in the dim light from a few scattered lamps. The ceiling was low, making the whole place feel like it was closing in on her.

"Holy shit," Maya whispered. "This place is insane."

Behind the counter at the back sat an old man in a purple robe, his beard long and gray, his eyes sharp behind wire rimmed glasses. He looked up from the book he was reading and smiled. Amanda felt a chill run down her spine. There was something about his smile that seemed to know things, like he could see right through her.

"Welcome, welcome," he said. His voice had a strange quality to it, like it was coming from farther away than it should. "Browse as you like. Everything here serves a purpose, though not always the purpose you expect."

"Is that, like, your sales pitch?" Jess asked, grinning. She was already poking through a shelf of bottles, picking them up and reading the handwritten labels.

"It's a warning," the old man said pleasantly. "But also an invitation."

Amanda wandered deeper into the shop, running her fingers along the shelves. Most of the items looked like the kind of stuff you'd find in any new age store, crystals and tarot cards and bundles of sage. But some things were stranger. A jar full of what looked like preserved eyeballs. A box that hummed when she got close to it. A mirror that showed her reflection slightly wrong, like she was looking at herself from a different angle than she actually was.

She paused in front of the mirror, tilting her head. Her reflection tilted the opposite way. When she raised her left hand, the reflection raised its right. It was like looking at a stranger who happened to look exactly like her.

"That's creepy as hell," she muttered.

"What is?" Maya appeared beside her, looking into the mirror. "Oh wow. That's trippy."

"Everything in here is trippy." Amanda moved away from the mirror, uncomfortable with the way her reflection seemed to linger even after she'd stepped aside. "I don't know how this place stays in business."

"Maybe it doesn't need to," Maya said. "Maybe the wizard guy is, like, immortal or something."

"You've been reading too much fantasy."

"Have I though?" Maya grinned and moved toward another shelf, this one filled with what looked like old medical instruments. "This place is straight out of a book."

Amanda kept browsing, trying to shake the uneasy feeling that had settled over her. The shop was just weird, that's all. Weird and dusty and probably full of fire code violations. Nothing magical about it.

"Oh my God, Amanda, come here."

She followed Jess's voice to a back corner of the shop, where her friend was standing in front of a shelf that was definitely not family friendly. Dildos, vibrators, plugs, all of them arranged neatly in rows. But these didn't look like the stuff from a normal sex shop. They were too detailed, too realistic. Some of them seemed to move slightly when Amanda looked at them, though that had to be a trick of the light.

"Look at this one," Jess said, picking up a dildo from the middle shelf. It was short, maybe five inches, but thick as hell. The silicone was flesh colored and incredibly detailed, with veins and texture that made Amanda's stomach flip. "It's like a chode. Who would even want this?"

Amanda felt her face heat. The toy looked exactly like David's dick. Her ex boyfriend from three years ago, the guy who'd been sweet and funny and terrible in bed. David had been a big guy, probably close to three hundred pounds, with a soft belly and thick arms. And his dick had looked exactly like the toy Jess was holding. Short, thick, with that same slight curve to the left.

"Put it back," Amanda said, but she was laughing despite herself.

"No way. This is hilarious." Jess turned it over in her hands, examining it from every angle. "It's so thick. Like, how would this even fit? You'd need to be, like, super stretched out."

"Some people like the stretch," Maya said, appearing beside them. She picked up another toy, this one longer and thinner. "Different strokes, you know?"

"That one looks like David's dick," Jess said, pointing the short thick dildo at Amanda. "Remember David? Your ex?"

"Oh my God, shut up." Amanda's face was burning now. "It does not."

"It totally does. Same shape, same size. It's uncanny." Jess held it up to the light, squinting at it. "Even the color is right. Didn't you say David was, like, really pale?"

"Can we not discuss my ex's dick in public?" Amanda hissed, but she was grinning despite her embarrassment. The wine had made everything funnier than it should be.

Maya squinted at the toy. "Wait, really? That's what David was working with?"

"I mean, it wasn't bad," Amanda said defensively. "It was just, you know. Different."

"Different how?" Maya was grinning now too.

"Thick. Really thick. Like, uncomfortably thick sometimes." Amanda couldn't believe she was having this conversation. "Can we please talk about something else?"

"You should buy it," Jess said. "As a memento."

"Absolutely not."

"Come on, it'll be hilarious. You can name it David Junior." Jess was already carrying it toward the counter. "I'll buy it for you. Consider it a late birthday present."

"My birthday was six months ago."

"Then consider it an early birthday present for next year."

Amanda looked at the toy, then at her friends, then back at the toy. It really did look exactly like David's dick. Same thickness, same slight curve, even the same prominent vein running along one side. And it was only fifteen dollars according to the small tag attached to it. That was cheaper than a decent bottle of wine.

"This is so stupid," she said, but she was already taking it from Jess's hand. "Fine. But I'm buying it myself. I don't need you holding this over my head for the next year."

"You're actually going to buy it?" Maya asked, delighted.

"It's fifteen dollars. That's cheaper than drinks." Amanda carried the toy toward the counter, her friends giggling behind her. She felt ridiculous, walking through this weird shop with a dildo in her hand, but the wine had lowered her inhibitions enough that she didn't really care.

The old man looked up as she approached. His eyes flicked to the dildo in her hand and something passed across his face. Recognition, maybe. Or amusement. Or something else entirely, something Amanda couldn't quite identify.

"An interesting choice," he said.

"It's a joke," Amanda said quickly. "My friends dared me."

"Of course." He took the toy and examined it, turning it over in his wrinkled hands. His fingers traced the veins, the curve, the head. "This one is quite popular. Very effective."

"Effective at what?" Jess asked, leaning on the counter.

"At fulfilling its purpose." The old man's smile widened. "Like everything in my shop."

There was something in his tone that made Amanda's skin prickle. She wanted to ask what he meant, but she also didn't want to know. Better to just buy the stupid thing and leave.

He wrapped the dildo in brown paper and tied it with string, then slipped it into a small bag. His movements were slow and deliberate, almost ritualistic. "That will be fifteen dollars."

Amanda handed over a twenty and waited for her change. The old man counted out five ones slowly, deliberately, his eyes never leaving hers. She felt like he was looking into her, seeing things she'd never told anyone.

"A word of advice," he said as he handed her the bills. "Magic works best when we're honest about what we want. Even the parts of ourselves we'd rather not acknowledge."

"It's just a dildo," Amanda said, but her voice came out uncertain.

"Of course it is." The old man's smile didn't waver. "Enjoy your evening, my dear."

Amanda took the bag and hurried toward the door, her friends following. The bell chimed again as they stepped out into the cool night air. She took a deep breath, trying to shake the weird feeling that had settled over her in the shop.

Outside, the three of them dissolved into laughter again.

"That guy was so weird," Maya said. "Magic works best when we're honest. What does that even mean?"

"He's probably high," Jess said. "Did you smell that incense? Definitely weed."

Amanda clutched the bag to her chest, feeling the weight of the toy inside. "I can't believe I just bought a dildo that looks like my ex's dick."

"You're going to use it tonight, aren't you?" Jess asked, grinning.

"Maybe." Amanda felt her face heat again. "I mean, I paid for it."

"Oh, you're totally going to use it." Maya was laughing so hard she was almost crying. "You're going to go home and fuck yourself with David Junior."

"Stop calling it that!"

"Never." Jess linked her arm through Amanda's. "Come on, let's get you home so you can have your reunion with David's dick."

They said their goodbyes in the parking lot, still laughing and making jokes. Amanda drove home, the bag sitting in her passenger seat. She lived alone in a small apartment on the east side, and by the time she pulled into her spot it was almost midnight. Late enough that she was tired, but not so tired that she wasn't curious.

Inside, she locked the door and carried the bag to her bedroom. She set it on the nightstand and stared at it for a long moment. It was just a toy. A stupid joke toy that happened to look like her ex's dick. There was nothing weird about that. People bought novelty sex toys all the time.

Except the old man's words kept echoing in her head. Magic works best when we're honest about what we want.

"It's not magic," Amanda said aloud. "It's silicone."

She stripped out of her clothes and stood in front of her full length mirror. She was thirty four, five foot six, with a curvy build she'd learned to love over the years. Her breasts were large, D cups that she'd always been proud of. Her hips were wide, her thighs thick. She kept her dark hair long and her face was pretty, with full lips and green eyes. She worked out enough to stay healthy but she'd never been skinny, and she was okay with that.

She looked good. And she was horny, had been since the wine at dinner and the laughter in the weird shop. Why not use the toy? It wasn't like anyone would know.

Amanda unwrapped the brown paper and pulled out the dildo. In the light of her bedroom it looked even more realistic, the silicone soft and flexible. She ran her thumb over the head and shivered. It really did look exactly like David's cock. The memories came flooding back, the few times they'd had sex, the way he'd felt inside her. It hadn't been great sex, but there had been something about David's body that she'd liked. The softness of him, the weight, the way he'd felt when she pressed against him.

She'd liked David, actually. Liked his soft body and the way he'd felt when she pressed against him. She'd always been attracted to bigger guys, something about their size and weight that made her feel safe. Protected. Like they could wrap around her and nothing bad could touch her. The sex had been awkward, sure, but that was more about inexperience than anything else. David had been shy, uncertain, always asking if he was doing it right. It had been sweet but also frustrating.

"This is so weird," she muttered. But she was already climbing onto her bed, already reaching for the bottle of lube in her nightstand drawer.

She started slow, rubbing the toy against herself, getting used to the feel of it. The thickness was intimidating but also exciting. She'd always liked the stretch, the fullness. That had been the one good thing about sex with David. He'd filled her completely, made her feel every inch.

Amanda pushed the head inside and gasped. Even with the lube it was a tight fit, her body stretching to accommodate the girth. She worked it in slowly, inch by inch, until it was buried as deep as it would go. The stretch was intense, almost painful, but in a good way. In a way that made her toes curl and her breath catch.

"Oh fuck," she breathed. It felt good. Really good.

She started moving it, pulling it almost all the way out before pushing it back in. The thickness dragged against her walls, hitting spots that made her toes curl. Her other hand moved to her clit, rubbing in quick circles. The pleasure built fast, faster than she'd expected. Maybe it was the wine, or the laughter with her friends, or the weirdness of the shop. Or maybe it was just that the toy felt really fucking good.

The orgasm built fast, pleasure coiling tight in her belly. Amanda's hips rocked, meeting each thrust of the toy. She was close, so close. Her breath came in short gasps and her thighs were trembling.

That's when she felt it. A warmth spreading through her body, starting where the toy was buried inside her and radiating outward. It felt strange, not unpleasant but definitely not normal. Like heat spreading through her veins, making her skin tingle.

Amanda's eyes opened and she looked down at herself. Her stomach looked different. Softer somehow. Rounder. Like she'd just eaten a huge meal, except she hadn't.

"What the hell?"

She pulled the toy out and sat up, her heart suddenly pounding. Her belly was definitely bigger. Not hugely so, but noticeably. Like she'd gained ten pounds in the last five minutes. She pressed her hands to her stomach and felt the give of new fat under her skin. Soft, pliable fat that hadn't been there before.

"No. This isn't real."

But even as she said it, the warmth intensified. Her whole body was tingling now, a pins and needles sensation that made her skin crawl. She watched in the mirror as her belly continued to swell, pushing outward in a slow but steady expansion. Her hips were widening too, and her thighs, and her arms. Everywhere she looked, her body was getting softer, rounder, bigger.

"Oh my God." Amanda pressed her hands to her stomach and felt the give of new fat under her skin. "Oh my God, what's happening?"

She should call someone. Should go to the hospital. Should do something other than sit here watching her body change. But she couldn't move. Couldn't look away from her reflection as her hips widened, her thighs thickened, her whole body growing softer and rounder. It was like watching herself in a time lapse video, except it was happening in real time.

And she couldn't stop touching herself. Her hand had moved back between her legs without her conscious decision, fingers rubbing her clit even as panic flooded her system. The arousal was overwhelming, drowning out everything else. She needed to cum, needed it more than she'd ever needed anything.

"Stop, I need to stop." But her body wouldn't listen. The arousal was overwhelming, drowning out everything else.

Amanda's gaze fell on the dildo lying on the bed beside her. It seemed to pulse with warmth, calling to her. The silicone looked almost alive in the dim light, like it was breathing. Before she could think better of it, she was picking it up, pushing it back inside herself.

The warmth exploded into heat. Amanda fell back on the bed, her hips moving on their own, fucking herself with the toy while her body continued to transform. Her belly was huge now, hanging over her pussy. Her breasts were getting heavier, sagging lower on her chest. She could feel the weight of them, the way they pulled at her shoulders.

But something else was happening too. Something worse.

Her chest was getting broader. Her shoulders were widening, the delicate slope of them becoming more angular. Amanda touched her throat and felt the beginning of an Adam's apple forming under her skin. A hard lump that hadn't been there before.

"No, no, no." Her voice sounded different. Deeper. Rougher. "This can't be happening."

She was turning into a man.

The realization hit her like a physical blow. The toy, the dildo that looked like David's cock, it was turning her into David. Or someone like him. A fat man with a soft body and a thick dick. The old man's words echoed in her head. Magic works best when we're honest about what we want.

"The old man," Amanda gasped. "He knew. He fucking knew."

But she didn't want this. She'd never wanted to be fat, never wanted to be a man. She liked bigger guys, sure, but that didn't mean she wanted to become one. That didn't make any sense.

Did it?

Amanda tried to pull the toy out but her body wouldn't let her. She was too close to orgasm, too far gone. Her hips kept moving, kept thrusting, and with each movement she felt herself changing more. Her skin was getting rougher, darker. Hair was sprouting on her arms, her legs, her belly. Coarse dark hair that definitely hadn't been there before.

Her breasts were deflating. The full, heavy D cups she'd been so proud of were shrinking, the tissue redistributing into soft, flabby pecs. Man tits. She was growing man tits. She could see them in the mirror, sagging slightly, covered in the same dark hair that was spreading across her chest.

"Please stop, please." But her voice was deep now, unmistakably male. A rumble that came from deep in her chest. "I don't want this."

Her belly was enormous, easily a hundred pounds of new fat hanging off her frame. Her thighs were thick as tree trunks, rubbing together when she moved. Her ass had spread out beneath her, wide and soft. And her face, God, her face was completely different in the mirror across the room. Masculine. Heavy jowled. Covered in the shadow of stubble that was already darkening her jaw.

"I'm turning into a fat man," she said, and the words came out in a deep rumble that made her want to cry. "I'm actually turning into a ***ing man."