chapter 3

The next day at lunch I sat and tried to talk with Rio, but he was always so involved with the other soccer players at our table. I picked at a salad that was so dissatisfying that my stomach growled immediately after I finished it.

Rio pushed his leftover chicken strips and fries towards me. He didn't take his eyes off of the soccer team captain, Will. They were talking about the training schedule and plays they should try to run. I silently berated myself for happily consuming the extra food.

Before Rio had to get to practice I got to talk to him about my weight issue. "I didn't even notice," he said. "I was only kidding yesterday, Aaron. You know that. You look good so you shouldn't even worry."

"Thanks man, but do you think you could help me out?" I asked. "Like, uh, you look fantastic. I wouldn't mind if we had similar builds. I just want to slim out a bit."

"You know it's because I'm constantly running," he said. "Plus we don't have similar builds. You're so tall and you have a thicker frame." I felt like I was embarrassing myself. I didn't think I could lose weight on my own and I was too embarrassed to beg for my spot on the cross country team back. Coach Umbridge didn't very much care for me. My exit was not the most amicable.

He looked at me in that Rio way and it made me think about being with him intimately again. I had cycles in which I wished Rio would be interested in me. They would end when I realized that would ruin years of friendship and possibly alienate me from the one guy I knew I could trust with all my problems. Well, he knew almost all of my problems.

Nobody knew I was gay and I couldn't imagine coming out to anyone, even Rio. I didn't look or act "gay." I think that was one of the hardest things for me. I wished it was obvious so I wouldn't have to tell anyone. I hated stereotypes. I hated this self-hate gay people had to go through. I hated that I was allowing myself to fall into the trap.

"I guess that's true," I said finally.

"Oh come on Aaron," he said. "You know I'll help you out. We have to get you ready for b-ball season." I smiled. His face was really attractive. I could feel the cycle beginning. I wondered how long it would last this time. He would style his brown hair upward in the front with gel. The sides were neatly trimmed and faded. His upper lip was slightly larger than the bottom one. It had a kissable fleshiness to it. He had high cheekbones and eyes the color of bittersweet chocolate. His ears were kind of large, as was his nose, but I liked that.

"Thanks Rio," I said with a smile.

"No problem. Leave things up to me." He ran off towards the soccer field. I stayed behind watching as his firm butt shifted as he ran away from me. He had a nice butt too. Some people just hit the genetic lottery.

When I got home I ate nothing but fruit until dinner. I was craving meat. My dad made steaks. My younger brother ate happily. My mom cut one in half and shared it with my sister. I sat eating apple slices. "You could have a little bit," my dad said. "You love steak." He said that about every food he made. I just loved food apparently. I couldn't give into temptation.

"Oh baby," my mom started. "Just eat a little. Here." She put a baked potato on a plate and covered it with butter and shredded cheese. She also put some bacon bits on it. She put half a steak on the plate, with some mixed vegetables and a roll. My dad was a larger man, as was my mom. It was in my genes to be a ***. I ate, trying to eat slowly so I would feel full more quickly, but it didn't happen and I ended up finishing the other half of the steak and another potato. I really needed Rio's help.