Blanche Gets Big

chapter 1

*75 year old Blanche was 5'2 and 130 pounds when she was forced to live at Howard, Fine and Howard's Home For The Elderly. Her lawyer I. Fleecum had swindled her out of her money. He twirled his handlebar mustache as he ran to the train laughing with a briefcase of her money*

"Hahahahahaha I win! I win! I....."

*An anvil appeared in the sky out of nowhere and dropped on Fleecum. So much for him*

Blanche organized her new room at the rest home where there was a poster of Joe Don Baker on the wall for no apparent reason. Her orderly was a 5'5 bald man named Jacques.He brought a huge plate of thick sausages, juicy bacon, eggs, toast, beans and a big milky tea. It was enough to feed 75 people and Blanche filled her face with the big breakfast. She ate 700 pounds worth of food...just kidding.

Blanche's belly began to grow and she was holding it as she ate. She stood up and shouted as loud as she could.

B: LOOK JACQUES! I'M GETTING FAT! YAYYYYYYYYY!

*Jacques played Stars & Stripes Forever and danced around the room. An hour later Jacques brought in dessert. Blanche stooded and bellowed

Blanche: OH MY GOD THESE ARE MY FAVORITE PASTRIES OF ALL TIME!!!!!!

Blanched laughed as she ate 22 chocolate eclairs, 85 donuts and 125 chocolate bars......just kidding.

Blanche's dress was getting tight "Can you rub my belly please dear?" she said kindly.

*Jacques did a cartwheel and said "Aw haw haw madamoiselle, zuit allures!!!!

Jacques gave her a squeeze on the belly and a pat on the butt. Blanche laughed loud enough to wake up the dead and pumped her fists.

B: YES! YES! WEEEEEEEEE!

Jacques grabbed Blanche swollen gut and gives it a rub. Blanche burped really out and shouted

B: YAYAYYYAYAYAYAAAAAAA!!!!

*Her belly was all filled, and Blanche was satisfied. She pulled out a gun and shot Jacques who ran and dove out a window. She started to read 50 Ways of Self Control by Bill Clinton with her hand on her belly. The old hag relaxed, rubbing the belly and holding it. She thought of dinners, and desserts, and more dinners. "GONNA GET FATTTTT!!!!! she shouted to no one.

It was dinner time at the home and Blanche was wheeled to the door by a guy dressed in a penguin costume named Hansel. Blanche waiting hungrily for her dinner. She could smell the roast beef cooking, and her belly rumbled loudly to the point old Herb turned and looked.

Herb: "What the hell was that?"

Blanche laid back with her tray ready to accept the plateful of yummy dinner. Hansel came in, with a huge plate of roast beef dinner with thick, meaty slices of beef and lots of potatoes covered in gravy. Hansel fed her the whole meal while the entire room gathered around to watch. She laid back, letting her gut fill with the wonderful dinner. She ate and ate, belly bulging with beef and potatoes. The crowd cheered her on and old Ethel started singing Take Me Back to Sorrento.

The dessert was brought in, carrot cake with chocolate ice cream. Blanche was fed every last bit, her belly stuffed full of food. She moaned in happiness, licking her lips, then licking her plates. All of a sudden she felt a different rumbling. Blanche laughed loudly.

Blanche: "HERE IT COMES GUYS! YOU READY??

*The crowd all leaned forward with anticipation as Blanche rose to her feet, bent over as loud as she could and farted so loud and so hard that old Abe fell out of his seat. The entire crowd cheered and started celebrating with each other. 2 orderlies dumped a tub of gatorade on Hansel and carried him out on their shoulders singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"

Blanche: YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Later on in her room, a portly gentleman with a cigar in his mouth named Gunga Bunga grabbed at her sides. "Holy moly Blanche, you're getting fat! That's good."

*Blanche looked in the mirror and had gained 200 pounds in one day. She laughed loudly as she waddled across the room*

B: LOOK AT ALL THE DESSERTS I'VE HAD! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

*Blanche then fell onto her bed and started snoring. A guy in a pink suit walked in and sang My Heart Belongs To Napoli*


THE END