Female, Fat, and Forty

Chapter 1

Three words to describe me?

Okay, let's go with these: female, fat, and forty.

I know, not the most eloquent of descriptors, but I've always relied on instinct and those were the first words that came to mind. Besides, there's a lot more to me as you can plainly see, so I'll fill in the rest as we go along.

How much do I weigh?

Wow, you really cut to the chase!

For now, let's just say that my doctor gives a hard time at my yearly check-up. Yes, I understand about portion control, counting calories, and more exercise...I just don't care!

Besides, do you think I really have time to do all that? I'm lucky if I get to eat dinner by 7:00 PM with all the running around I do in the evening. Of course, by then it's usually something quick and easy (i.e., fast food).

What keeps me so busy?

Family of course! Yes, I'm a mother of four and I've had my hands full ever since I got knocked up 12 years ago.

Sure is hard to believe it's been that long. Even crazier to imagine that my 20th wedding anniversary will be next month!

Oh and we're celebrating in the best way possible. Of course, you guessed it...a cruise! We try to go every year through Disney. The kids love it!

How can I afford that?

Well if you haven't guessed by now, I am one lucky lady. Hubby recently became a partner at his law firm and we are doing quite well financially. In fact, things have been good enough that I was actually able to step away from work about five years ago. That 9 to 5 grind was never for me anyway. I'm so much more comfortable being at home. Hello sweatpants!

To think it wasn't all that long ago that I was young, ambitious, and thin...oh so much thinner.

...

What?

Okay, I know what you're thinking: "What the hell happened?"

Am I right?

Well I can tell you one thing, I didn't get to where I am now overnight. There wasn't some epiphany that made me realize that my place in life was to be an overweight housewife. In fact, if you had told me that twenty years ago I would have said you were crazy.

Now I get it, some girls know that they want to be some guy's arm candy, settle down, and pop out a few kids. That's totally fine by me. But what you've got to understand is that I didn't begin my marriage thinking I'd go down that path. I firmly believed that I'd carry my own weight (so to speak) and that there would be more of a mutual give and take in our relationship.

So what was it that made me the big beautiful woman talking to you today?

Buy me another drink and we'll see if I'll tell.