Chapter 1

Timothy "Tim" Strabbers walked out of his house in a 3 piece gray suit, black dress shoes and a red tie. He was holding a briefcase in one hand and had a laptop bag on his shoulder. He trudged through the leaves that needed to be raked on this early November day on his front lawn as he made his way to his blue 2020 Toyota Prius. Tim was a 5 foot 5, 120 pound, 41 year old man that had been a CPA for 20 years after he graduated from DePaul University. He was currently working for Vagner Incorporated as apart of the accounting team. He was responsible for Accounts Receivable and mostly had to chase other businesses around in order to pay money they owed.

Tim got to his car when he heard a familiar voice from behind. "Hey Tim, did you hear? We're getting new neighbors!" Next door to his left was a husband and wife couple, Mr. and Mrs. Yannoe. Mr. Yannoe was retired after working for 40 years in the United States Postal Service and his wife worked as an elementary school chef who also was on the verge of retirement. Old Bill as he was called at the Post Office stood about 5 foot 9 and 220 pounds with a beer belly. His 72nd birthday was coming up in a few weeks just before Thanksgiving. Tim replied "The house finally sold?" Old Bill laughed and said "No, the real estate company just decided to take the For Sale sign down just for kicks. Of course it sold!" Tim looked over to the 2 story house to the right of his own and the For Sale sign was indeed gone.

Tim asked "Any idea of who's moving in?" Old Bill replied "No idea. Ask Madeline, she has her nose up this whole town's ass." Madeline was the nosy neighbor across the street who was actually Second Selectman of the town. Nothing went on in the town of Ramiville without her knowing about it. Old Bill looked around and said "Can those morons ever put the newspaper on the doorstep?" Tim laughed and said "Why don't you go digital like the rest of society?" Bill replied "Because I need the physical paper to whack you over the head with it for suggesting such a travesty." Bill and Tim both laughed and Tim said "Have a good day Bill" as he got in his car and Bill waived. As Tim pulled away Bill found his newspaper in the rose bushes 15 feet from his doorstep. Bill shook his head "These kids couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat, dammit."

As Tim drove toward the city he listened to Jim Croce's "You Don't Mess Around" and wondered who the new neighbors would be. Tim himself had moved to Murray Street 10 years earlier and at the time an old angry crone lived there. You know what happened to her? She died! 2 years later a whole family moved in and had been living there for the past eight years. Just a few months earlier the mother and father sold the house once the kids went off to college and beyond.

As Tim fought and cursed at city traffic, he tuned in on his radio to the weather report where it said temperatures were going to be in the 40s all week. Finally when Tim pulled into the parking lot, he saw the company's second in command walking hand in hand with his very large girlfriend and said to himself "I need to get me some of that." Tim had always been nerdy and awkward but society didn't find that attractive until the last ten years. He had several dates the past few years but he didn't have the confidence in himself to believe anyone wanted him. He didn't have the most glamorous job even though it paid well and his overbearing mother made it hard for him to truly have alone time. Tim's father passed away in 2016 and his mother leaned on Tim for company since Tim's brother Sam moved to Billings, Montana mostly to get away from her.

Once inside the building, Tim said hi to Ed the janitor as he made his way to the elevator. The accounting firm was on the 20th floor which was no easy task trudging up the stairs if the elevator was out. As soon as he got out of the elevator he walked past the secretary desk and nearly tripped over the trash can she had left out too far. As Tim gathered himself he said "Maxine I have half a mind to dump this damn thing on your head." Maxine was 6 foot 4 and weighed 270 pounds of mostly muscle. She said in a deep, raspy voice "Did you say something Mr. Strabbers?" Sitting down she was almost as tall as he was standing and he replied with a stutter "Um uh, I said I really need to take a dump when I first get out of bed." Maxine looked at him funny and said "Too much information." Tim cursed at himself as he walked into the boardroom with the other accountants. Mr. Flaherty was the head of the firm and answered directly to Mr. Giacardi, the company president. He handled all the Cash that came in and out of Vagner Incorporated. Mr. Royd handled Accounts Payable, which was the opposite of what Tim did in Accounts Received. Royd had to chase off debt collectors and Tim usually was the one hounding others to pay up. Mr. Severino handled Owner's Equity, Mr. Hudson took care of equipment costs and Mr. Paco was in charge of various bills the company owed and paid. Every day they had to wrangle up all the accounts to balance their ledgers and journals. As mentioned earlier, Mr. Royd had to handle all the money they owed and Tim had to handle the money that was owed to them. They worked closely together more often than the others. Mr. Flaherty had Larry Fine hair and was in his 50's as he said "Alright, let's get settled. As we know, Thanksgiving is coming up and Mr Giacardi is having a company party Wednesday before Thanksgiving. We're going to be flooded with expenses for the party so be on the lookout in the next few weeks." Mr. Paco quipped "Yes, with binoculars." Mr. Royd laughed and said "No, get a big telescope and aim it toward our QuickBooks." Mr. Flaherty retorted "Can it, you two!" The nerdiest of the nerds was Mr. Hudson and he adjusted his glasses as he said "But...but...Mr. Flaherty, would we have to come in on Thanksgiving to log the party?" Everyone groaned including Tim. Tim was a nerdy nerd but he was Chris Hemsworth compared to Mr. Hudson. Mr. Flaherty shook his head "No, Hudson. We get Thanksgiving off. We're coming on on Friday to handle what we have to." Mr Hudson "But..but..." Flaherty said "No butts, Hudson. Anyway let's get to work." The boardroom cleared out as Mr. Royd asked Mr. Severino "Did you catch the game last night?" Severino replied "No man, I was on a date with a woman and her tits are out to HERE." Tim shook his head as Paco and Severino high fived as they went to their separate cubicles. Mr. Hudson made his way to his cubicle and Royd said "I wish I had your job, Tim." Tim replied "Why's that, John?" John replied "I'm on the run from bill collectors, you ARE the bill collector." Tim shook his head and said "Yeah, but at least you know you don't have to pay just yet. I have to...." Before he could finish the sentence, one of the maintenance crew had knocked over a chair they were using to stand on to fix and overhead light. Tim fell sideways over the chair and his briefcase flew up in the air only to land perfectly on Royd's cubicle desk. Royd burst out laughing and said "Perfect landing, thanks Tim." Tim groaned and shook himself off. "Yeah, big help John. Chrissakes" Royd opened the briefcase and took out his paperwork and handed Tim his own. Tim sat at his cubicle and on his desk was a high def computer monitor, a framed picture of his mother Julianna, a framed picture of him in a Hawaiian shirt with his arm around his brother who was in a shark outfit with sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt of his own and a picture of his dog Mr. Finnegans. He began getting to work and the day just seemed to drag on and on.

At around lunch time, Royd and Tim made their way to the cafeteria to discuss business. Rodriguez sat down with a plate of roast beef, mashed potatoes and corn while Tim had a garden crest salad. The large secretary from the 40th floor waddled by and Tim's eyes fixated on her to the point Mr. Royd snapped his fingers in his face. "Hey, earth to Tim. Why don't you just ask her out instead of just stare at her like a creepasaurus?" Tim lowered his head and said "I cant, John. She's married." Royd was wearing his own wedding band and said "I know how that goes. Still, you need to find someone to take to the Thanksgiving party. Going alone sucks." Tim replied "We can't all be lucky like you." Royd chuckled and said "It's got nothing to do with luck. What's the worst that could happen? Are they going to put you in front of a firing squad if you ask a woman "Hey how are ya?" Tim "No but I've been rejected a lot, hurts just as much." Royd "There's still time, you can always...."

Royd was interrupted as Mr. Paco and Mr. Severino sat down next to them, Severino on the verge of laughter. Severing "Guys, you gotta hear this." Paco "We don't have to tell EVERYONE." Severino "Tell them, just do it." Paco sighed and said "I just got a phone call from my wife. She was supposed to bake a pie for Thanksgiving. She burnt the damn thing and it set off the smoke alarm. She almost had to call the fire department." Severino roared laughing as even Royd and Tim chuckled. Severino "Hey, I'm no Robert Irvine but you're supposed to bake it, not take a flamethrower to it." Paco "It's not that funny." Royd nudged Severino from across the table and said "The instructions say 325 degrees, not 3,025!" Severino and Royd laughed as Paco said "Cut it out you guys." Tim then leaned over "You're supposes to use the oven, not a gallon of 93 octane and a match." All three laughed as Paco said "Alright that's enough." Severino "Alright, alright let's be serious. How many days did she bake it before taking it out of the oven?" Paco got up and left as Severino kept laughing. Tim "We weren't too harsh were we?" Severino waived his hand and said "No no, it's all in good fun. Honestly his wife makes a great quesadilla. Hope she brings some to the Christmas party next month." Royd "Speaking of which, Tim here needs a date for the Thanksgiving party in a few weeks." Severino "Well that's no problem. I know a girl who's...." Suddenly Paco returned and had placed a few ketchup packets on Severino's head. Severino looked puzzled and asked "What the hell are you doing?" Paco then wrapped his hand in a napkin and slapped his hand on the top of Severino's head, splattering his hair with ketchup. Severino "Oh you mother...." Paco ran off laughing with Severino in hot pursuit with ketchup running down his neck. Royd shook his head and said "For two men in their 30's they do act like children." Tim blinked and wiped the ketchup off his glasses before saying "Don't tell the whole world I need a date, makes me look desperate." Royd "You'll find one, I got a good feeling." Tim rolled his eyes but knew that Royd was right. He was running out of time to find a date for the Thanksgiving party and didn't want to go stag this year. But where would he find such a date? Why am I asking you?