Chapter 1 - Introductions in order

There exists a somewhat nondescript pig farm in the province of Himmerland in northern Jutland that is run by a small family; a father and his three daughters. Well, perhaps to be more precise I should say that the third daughter, a beautiful specimen of a female human being by the name of Karina, is recently married and her new husband (yours truly as it so happens) now lives with them. You're probably wondering why I'm telling you all of this, but I promise you that your patience will be thoroughly rewarded - for now though, please allow a honeymooning newly-wed to indulge in some frivolous reminiscing of how I met my wonderful bride.

It was a day in late autumn when I turned up to the Aagaard's farm, with little more than a recommendation from a jobcentre and a hope that my working out in the country-side would be better for my mental health than in a bustling city like Copenhagen. The main farmhouse is a large building built mostly in wood consisting of adjoining A-frames with stauncher foundations and load-bearing pillars of rough stone. I had had to cycle for about fifteen kilometres from the nearest train station and was dismounting my bicycle to push it up the pebbled drive when a large bearded man pushed open the red painted door. He seemed as surprised to see me as I was him, but it turned out he was exactly who I had been referred to.

'Ever slaughtered a pig?' Were the first words that Jan Aagaard spoke to me. At my startled expression he just laughed and clapped me on the back with a strong, calloused hand. 'I'm just pulling your chain, son, I know what your about, and I tell you what, Karina's been struggling a bit of late, so it will be great to get some fresh eyes on the books. Come, let me give you a tour of the farm.'

There was no saying no to this man, who stood at least a head and a half taller than myself and was almost twice my width. Most of it was thick muscle, but his middle years had taken their toll and so he was perhaps not quite as hale as in his youth; but a more powerful presence I had seldom met. Jan showed me around, driving me the length of the twenty-four acre farm with a large stock of swine and seemingly endless trenches and rows of troughs and what looked like Anderson shelters of corrugated iron for his animals. I was introduced to Lotte, his eldest daughter, who was almost as broad in the shoulder as her father and her eye level was at least on a par with my own. She had flaxen hair and blue, piercing eyes and her cheeks were red with exertion. She was busy mucking out a particular sty and was in seemingly no mood to talk for too long, stopping only briefly to shake hands and take a swig of lukewarm iced tea before returning to her shovel. In one of the barns behind the farm house, Jan introduced me to his second daughter Stine, not dissimilar in appearance to her sister, though she was a tad taller, but not quite as broad across the shoulder. Her hair was tied back and she was busy allocating feed in the various bins systematically stacked around, though her greeting was somewhat warmer than Lotte's, it was equally abrupt.

'Well, that's two down,' I said nervously to Jan, frankly the sight of so much physical labour had me a little worried. Don't get me wrong, I am not averse to manual effort, I run and train at the gym regularly, but I had never considered such a line of work for myself and couldn't imagine I would be particularly good at it. 'But it's Karina who sits with the accounts, right?'

'Aye, it is.' Jan said ushering me inside the main farmhouse. 'Through here at the back is where she's all set up with computers and what have you.'

Jan guided me through a grand kitchen and sitting room, down a small corridor and into a very spacious light-filled room with a large table in the centre upon which rested a computer. Some distance away from the computer, running up against one wall was a wide, sturdy bench upholstered in leather. A few stacked empty plates rested next to the computer on the table and an equally empty glass bowl on the other side. The plates were dirty I noticed, and I remember (foolishly) wondering precisely how long they had been sitting there, but that thought didn't last long, as the door to my left opened and in walked my future wife.

'We're out, Far,' Karina said immediately, almost petulantly, gesturing to the empty glass bowl, at which her father let out a sigh. 'This is him then? The one to replace me? He's a tad short, isn't he?'

You'll have to forgive my beloved's somewhat brusque manner; you see it wasn't her idea that I should be employed. Honestly enough she had been doing a fine job with the family business' accounts, but by the Aagaard's employing of me she would be free to pursue her own interests, but even so, the relinquishing of her role smarted a little.

'Play nice, skat' Jan remonstrated his daughter affectionately, 'and if we're out then you should have paced yourself.' With that, Jan gave me yet another bearish clap on the back and departed, ignoring the scowls from Karina.

'So, what's your name?' Karina asked, fixing her attention on me and moving a step closer, so that she loomed over me. If I were to use one word to describe Karina, it would simply have to be beautiful. She was not quite her father's equal in height, but not far off, though she was certainly wider than he was. Her hair was auburn, and it glistened a wonderful reddish-gold in the light streaming in through the windows. Her eyes a luscious green, sparkling above her plump, somehow permanently blushed cheeks. Her breasts were gigantic, resting atop an enormous stomach that bulged out, her layered summery dress hiding the exact contours of her, but certainly not her size. Her hips were rotund and her thighs bunched up against each other as far as to the knees, her feet were forced apart in her casual stance, purely by the thickness of her upper legs.

'Uhm, Mads,' I answered uncertainly.

'Well, Mads, this is going to be a shit day. First off, I have to teach you everything, and Far won't even help me out with that,' she gestured again to the empty bowl. 'Fuck, I'm warning you now, I can get irritated when that bowl is empty.'

'What's so special about that bowl?' I asked cautiously, aware that Karina was holding my gaze, as much as I wanted to study her form, I knew she would notice immediately, and undoubtedly judge me.

'Well nothing now that it's empty!' She sounded exasperated, throwing her hands in the air. Her arms were proportionately massive too, I was fairly sure that one of her upper arms would be longer around than my waist. 'Never mind that now, let's get to it.'

She sat down on the bench, almost entirely filling it though I was sure that four of me could have sat side by side, albeit a bit bunched up, but still, there was barely room for my narrow bottom as I perched on one side. I couldn't avoid gently brushing up against her fat thigh with my own much slimmer one as we sat there. It was a nightmare trying to concentrate, when for most of the next hour I was trying to steal glimpses of how Karina's giant stomach filled her lap, resting heavily on her splayed thighs. Just the fact that she seemed even taller than myself when was sat down spoke volumes of the sheer volume of her backside, and I struggled to hide my excitement.

'OK,' Karina announced after the first hour, 'if I don't find something to fill that bowl with now I'm going to go mental.'

'Maybe I can help?' I offered, though still unsure as to the bowl's purpose.

'Fat chance, unless you happen to have a lot of M&M peanuts in your pocket!'

'Not in my pocket, Karina, but as it happens I might just have some in my suitcase... you know, for the train over here.'

I'll never forget the gleam that came into her green eyes at that moment; a mixture of hope and excitement, framed in a perfect face.

'Oh, please check!' She exclaimed.

Two minutes later I came back into the room with an unopened bag of M&Ms and a full 400g Toblerone.

'Thank god for that!' Karina exclaimed when she saw what I'd procured, 'I thought I was going to pass out from deprivation!'

I grinned, assuming it was a joke, but Karina seemed deadly serious. She promptly divested me of the sweets and began snacking. After the first few mouthfuls she resumed explaining my new job, and I was awed to see her multi-task. She never took her eyes off the computer screen or my face to make sure I had comprehended the last instruction, but her plump fingers were forever darting between the chocolate and her awaiting mouth. Needless to say, she made short work of both treats, but she seemed satisfied, at least for the next hour.

But just as I was in the middle of consolidated a particular report, I was interrupted by a rather timid, and until then entirely out of character query; 'uhm, Mads?'

'Yes?' I responded, not taking my eyes from the Excel sheet in front of me.

'What else do you have in your suitcase?'