Two songs -- great big baby and bite my flab

Chapter 1 - two songs

GREAT BIG BABY

(I hear this as greasy butt-rock on the Bob Seger/George Thorogood axis but you can set it to whatever you like.)

Five pounds of French fries, five pounds of steak,
A gallon of ice cream and a chocolate cake.
That’s what I gave my baby for dinner
So that little girl ain’t getting any thinner.

She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter
But we don’t mind so it don’t matter.
She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter...

She can’t stand up, she can’t roll over,
Can barely reach her mouth to feed herself.
She’s so fat and she won’t stop eating
And I wouldn’t trade her for anyone else.

She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter
But I don’t mind so it don’t matter.
She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter...

When it’s time to weigh her there’s a sling and a crane
It’s a lot of hard work but you know my baby loves it.
She’s my chubby bunny, she’s my buttercup,
And we get down when the numbers go up.

She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter
But she don’t mind so it don’t matter.
She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter...

When she’s feeling freaky, we get out the funnel.
This is the thing that floats her boat.
I fill up a pitcher, put the funnel in her mouth,
And pour all the calories right down her throat.

She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter
But we don’t mind so it don’t matter.
She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter...

I’m worried for my baby cause she’s so damn big
I know its a shame for me to feed her and feed her
But now she’s calling out to me, she says she wants a snack
And it’s going to make her fatter and that’s the way I need her.

She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter
But she don’t mind so it don’t matter.
She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter
But I don’t mind so it don’t matter.
She’s a great big baby getting fatter and fatter...

BITE MY FLAB

(The kind of uptempo R&B you can make accidentally in GarageBand.)

You’ve never been with a girl as big as me before.
You look me up and down and side to side and try to figure out the score.
You look like you don''t know what's in store. (For you.)
While you’re making up your mind I think I’ll eat a little bit more. (Yum yum yum.)

So if you are a blubber lover
Don’t be afraid to grab a slab.
I can gobble, you can smother.
Come on, baby, bite my flab.

You may think you’re big but you know I’m bigger.
Watch me eat like a pig as I expand my figure.
I can do things other girls can’t do. (It's true.)
I am going to do those things to you.
I can eat a whole ham, cover up a whole man,
And doing both at once is my particular plan.

So if you are a blubber lover
Don’t be afraid to grab a slab.
I can gobble, you can smother.
Come on, baby, bite my flab.

So I eat and I eat and I eat and I eat and I eat
And giggle cuz you’re underneath a mountain of meat. (That's me.)
You moan and you groan and you wheeze as you struggle for air
And I just keep eating just like I just don’t care.
I felt you go limp so I gave you a break.
If you wake up I'll make you feed me ice cream and cake.

So if you are a blubber lover
Don’t be afraid to grab a slab.
I can gobble, you can smother.
Come on, baby, bite my flab.