chapter 1

A long time ago, on a website far far away away (Dimensions), there was a story titled “Lauren Eats Herself Round”. It’s my favorite, so I thought I’d write my own version.

Another holiday gathering, and lately it’s always the same. Watching my aunts and my cousins shuffling around the kitchen and living room, entertaining, discussing, laughing, drinking and nibbling on treats in clothes that they really should have retired a month or two ago – too tight. Comments like “Ugh, I’m so stuffed and we haven’t even started dinner yet”, or “God these are amazing, please take them away from me”, or “All this food, it’s so incredible!”. Eventually, as a few years passed, I started to hear more of “I just keep expanding, I don’t know what it is” or “I’m going to be a blimp if I keep going like this” or “My god, soon you’ll have to roll me in and out of these holidays”. The typical things that formerly fit but now recently plump ladies would say. Our family genes have made us prone to hourglass shapes, so they did carry it well. But still, they were gaining weight. All of them. Not me though, I mean it’s not that hard to simply put down the food, right? I could never understand how someone could gain 10 pounds, not like it, then another 10, not like that either, then another 10, and another 10. I mean, it’s just will power, and simple science. Burn more calories than you take in if you want to lose weight. If you do the opposite, you’ll gain weight. Nobody seemed to get that. I would watch them take a bite of cake and roll their eyes back and moan, like it’s the best thing ever. Then put one hand their stomach, or push both hands onto their love handles, like they know that it’s just going to make them fatter, with a sudden look of regret. And then – pick up another treat to eat. I mean, come on, really? As a couple of more years passed, some seemed to fight it less and less…and have gotten fatter and fatter. Now I look at them all and can trace their varying states of fatness and their stages of development from plump, to chubby, to really chubby, and finally I lump the rest in that have passed that 200 pound mark forever. Doreen is the most recent gainer, that has probably put on 25 pounds in the past two months. Her boobs are big and strain her buttons and her capris are really tight around her ass. Heck even her tummy is starting to get more than a slight lump below her belly button. I thought Cheryl would maybe turn things around, and get it under control, but wow she is blowing up quickly, probably pushing 180lbs since last summer. She fidgets with her shirt constantly, as it keep trying to ride up. Those pants must be new because they seem to fit her well, but when she walks or shifts a hip there is a lot of butt that moves along with her. Karen is the fattest. And there she is, standing by the breakfast bar, eating a cupcake with her right hand while she rests her left hand on the top of her belly. Doreen asked her if she wants another and she says “Of course not, but yes I’ll take one” and then cocks her head and exhales heavily while looking at the last bite of the work-in-progress cupcake….and as Doreen turns to get her another Karen takes that last bite and licks each finger. I don’t get it, and I really shouldn’t stare, it’s like she can’t help herself, poor girl. As I said at the start, it’s always the same, I know how these get togethers go.
Suddenly, tonight though, while we were all sitting at the table, the attention turned to me: “You look as beautiful and skinny as ever, I don’t know how you do it” and “How can you eat like this and still look so amazing?!?” and “Roz, if only I had your metabolism, you are so lucky!”. That one stuck with me. Am I lucky, is it as simple as that? They were all slim and fit too, are they suddenly unlucky? And…what if my luck ran out, then what? I thought about it more and more as we ate and everyone else chatted. The more I tried to remind myself about the simple science behind weight gain and loss, the more I thought about luck, and lack of luck. I began to look around me and study their features – slight to full double chins, thicker arms, full breasts, cheeks full of food. I subtly looked down at my own breasts and ran my left hand across my stomach and over to my left hip, wondering if something is keeping me lucky.