Maybe you could try joking something like "With all this stuff you are baking for me you could really make me fat -- but I'm not doing it without you. Eat half of your own baking, kitchen-witch!" and goofily chase her with a muffin or whatever.

But that joking moment might just open up the conversation a bit more.

54, and yup I used to be on Dimensions all the time (I still stop in occasionally, much like with here)

Congratulations on your pregnancy, but yah, what an emotional roller-coaster.

We had a similar situation, had been taking a few chances but not really severe chances, but then she had some untypical emotional responses and sudden motion sickness so we got a test, and whoa, life suddenly changed! I certainly enjoyed the pregnancy, and in full hindsight it ended up being a fantastic point in our lives to have a kid. I hope things work out as well for you. I just hope that plus sized maternity wear is easier to find these days.

I agree with the others, let it sit ... in the specific. In the general, do make an extra effort to check in on how she is doing, and to do some activities that are very familiar and comforting to you both (be it a favorite day trip, Sunday brunch, taking a walk together, just going to get a coffee and people watch. Just some stuff that should have that comfortable 'this is a normal thing that he and I enjoy together' as a reminder of all the normal and good things in your relationship.

It is fairly uncommon for people to lose more than 10% of body weight and to then keep that off in the long run. So it depends a bit on what you consider 'fat' to look like, but that plus a bit more than 10% would probably mean that you won't ever not look fat for too long. (for my my rule of thumb is that most people look solidly fat by a BMI of about 35, but that is just to my eye, and other beholders would have different numbers)

But others are entirely correct, the real turning point is when your mentality has changed to regard being fat as normal, and the way that you used to live your life as alien and undesirable.

I've never been especially fat (my heaviest was 240 pounds at 5'8". Fat enough that most stores didn't carry pants in my size and I needed to start buying 2X tops). But that was fat enough to have at least the start of fat experiences, so I'll give answering this a shot. (my wife is a couple of inches shorter, and her heaviest was also about 240, so I'll throw in a few observations from her experiences too)

There are basically two sides to it, the physical and the social. The physical is easier to describe, but the social is the bigger deal.

On the physical side, I was just starting to find spaces challenging at times. Reaching up for something on a store shelf and my belly knocking something over on a lower shelf for example. Or chairs or booths that were just a bit tight. My wife had more chair issues at her heaviest, what with having hips.

Also could not comfortably walk as fast as most people, although we are both regular walkers. If trying to keep up with the flow on a busy sidewalk would soon be out of breath, or if walking at a more comfortable pace had to occasionally step aside and let faster people pass.

Normal amounts of stairs (like a couple of flights) were not a challenge to get up, but for sure I'd be breathing hard by the time I got to the top.

On the social there is a mix of being invisible and being noticed (but not noticed in a good way). Also a sense of vulnerability.

Invisible, like, sales staff were less apt to make an effort to serve me at stores, people in public were less apt to engage with me, that sort of thing. My wife reported that she really noticed how many fewer guys would be checking her out.

Being noticed not in a good way was that if people paid any attention to me I assumed it was negative (maybe not fair to people, but certainly some of the looks and words supported this conclusion). I was never publicly called rude names, but addressed as 'big guy' and things like that. My wife reported that a few guys checking her out were way creepier about it, like maybe felt that a fat woman wouldn't call them out on it when a thinner woman would?

More vulnerable in that as I reached a size that was uncommon where I live and work (I happen to live in a thinner area and ditto for work), I felt that I was beginning to be 'outside the herd' and so not protected by fitting in. If someone was looking for someone more socially exposed or vulnerable I felt that could be me. Likewise my wife felt that less women did the automatic protective closing ranks with her.

As a stress eater I can say that for me the payoff is the stress relief from a belly full of carbs, I don't know what chemicals get pumped into my brain but it is so comforting and soothing (plus it distracts me with thoughts of fatness, which is a great way not to be stressing about whatever it is that has me stressed).

It might be a bit like the runner's high, that some people get easily and others not at all. If a belly full of comfort food doesn't leave you feeling relaxed and vaguely euphoric, then it makes sense why your response to stress is not eating.

I really slacked off on my healthy lifestyle and indulged in a bit of my gainer fantasies in the first part of last year, becoming the most sedentary I've ever been and developing a near daily habit of hitting up local coffee shops for vanilla bean lattes and yummy baked goods (the perils of working from home when your neighbourhood is full of great places to grab a quick bite). I hit my personal highest weight in March (240 pounds) and was still 235 in July when I had some bloodwork done, and my blood sugars were well up into the diabetic range and my cholesterol had spiked.

Obviously my body just doesn't hold up well to that lifestyle. I got started on Metformin for the diabetes, cut out the majority of carbs (including almost all sugar), and got back to moving around more in general and getting in at least 20 minutes of more intense activity each day. It is pretty much impossible to replace all of the calories I was getting from carbs, and I'm being more active, so my weight has plunged down to about 200 pounds, the lowest I've been in over two decades.

It has been a pretty weird mental space to be in, fantasizing about pigging out and getting flabbier while eating in a very disciplined way and losing weight. To some extent it is an extension of where I've been for ages, because I've pretty much always had these desires and tried not to give in to them most of the time, but never before has the conflict between my internal desires and external actions been so large. Leaves me feeling almost disoriented at times.

Thanks for sharing, loved that story!

Here is one way to think about the effects of gaining weight -- thin privilege is totally a thing, and you are losing thin privilege. To some extent you never would have felt it when you were thinner, because you always had it.

This has two effects: the loss of that privilege, and people being surprised, shocked, and even upset that you are willing to give that up. So when you get comments and so on, you can ask yourself "are they commenting because they can get away with it now" (picking on the less privileged), or because they are disturbed that I'm giving up that privilege? The first group are people who are good to push out of your life. The second group are more worried for you, and to them you just tell them that you are very happy as you are, and leave it at that.