Hey, wanted to let everyone know I'm still here and intend to write. I think I've been dealing with a depressive episode for pretty much the past month and struggling with the writing process hasn't helped, it's less writer's block and more "you're an awful writer and people are too polite to tell you". I rationally understand that's not the case but my brain doesn't always work properly, I do my best most of the time to compensate.

I want to finish Mamma's Secret Recipe but this latest chapter just doesn't feel right, like there's a fatal flaw that I'm not fully aware of. I tried writing a few other things to get my mind off of it/look at it with different eyes but the feeling hasn't gone away, I hope it's just my mind messing with me because I'd hate to leave it unfinished. I have to write something or I'll lose my mind, so I've been working on another project.

I have a story in mind, one that I've had in the back of my head for a few years. It'll be set in the future where obesity is considered a thing of the past, a world many would consider "perfect". So far the running title is "Utopian Woes" but I'm not married to it. The themes will revolve around finding meaning in a world without conflict and how even when the world is as good as it'll ever be people will still struggle and even suffer compared to others. I think it's an interesting idea and that people will like it too.

So that's what's been going on with me, too busy with life and dealing with mental health issues. I'm not quitting anytime soon but I shouldn't beat myself up over absences, that never helps. I miss posting, I miss seeing how people enjoy what I make and I miss having the drive to write in general. I guess I was dealing with burnout but my mind doesn't know how to relax without feeling guilty about it, so I've been stuck in this awful place of not having the drive but still having the desire to create.

Thanks for your patience, I hope what I make in the near future will be worth it.

I appreciate the feedback I got for my last post, though I want to make it fully clear that I don't intend to stop writing anytime soon. If I don't write then I get depressed, one thing that I know helps me feel good about myself is writing FA fiction so it'd be bad for my mental health to stop outright. But the point was taken, I need to prioritize my well-being and figure out a healthy work/life balance.

I'm going to finish Mamma's Secret Recipe, it's the thing I've spent the most time on writing-wise and it'd be a disservice to myself if I abandoned it. But I need to explore other stories, I have so many ideas it's not even funny. I also want to continue my other long-form stories but I should take it one step at a time. I miss writing one-off stories too, they're fun to make. Feel free to share ideas and suggestions, I'd love to see what you guys come up with.

This might sound a little mushy but your positive responses mean a lot to me, it might just be a spike of dopamine but I don't care it feels good. I might be writing for my own pleasure but knowing people actually enjoy what I make is something else, you're all so nice and I always look forward to seeing what you guys think.

Hopefully this is just a rough chapter in my time as an artist, I love doing this and I look forward to where this weird and wonderful path takes me.

I have a confession to make, I'm burning out. I love that so many people are enjoying Mamma's Secret Recipe but the stress of finding the time to write it is wearing me out. I don't want to just stop; for one I'd like to see it to the end but more importantly I don't want to disappoint people. What's frustrating is that I think I've gotten bored with it, I keep wanting to write other things but my sense of loyalty won't let me just abandon what I'm doing. I also have two other unfinished stories that I wanted to continue which is only adding to the fear that I'm doing something wrong.

I feel like I'm stretching myself too thin, I don't talk about it here but I don't have many other hobbies/passions. I've been trying to draw for the past year but that hasn't gotten far because it's inconsistent and unfocused. I also play D&D whenever I can but it eats into what little free time I have, I don't want to disappoint my players either. It seems like no matter what I do I'm going to make somebody unhappy, including myself. If I didn't feel bad about it I would just write and draw, because I have a need to make FA art in the mediums I enjoy the most.

I honestly don't know what to do. It hurts that I'm losing the drive to continue any of my hobbies, they're what bring me joy and pride the most in life. I want to make FA art so badly but I'm constantly afraid that it's not good enough, I'm always surprised and happy whenever my stuff is positively appraised.

I don't have much else to say, I'd like whatever feedback you care to give. Thank you for reading.