chapter 6 - an attempt at self control

Lana didn't go back to Weight Watchers the next week. She did weigh herself though, 172 pounds. Up 8 pounds in a month.
The following week, after a week of Chris bringing her breakfast in bed, packing her lunches, and cooking for her every night, she was up to 176pounds, a gain of 4 pounds in a week. Her clothes now were all getting tight on here and she was starting to have to wear clothes from when she was bigger. Just the same, she couldn't help herself. Every day she would resolve to turn down the breakfast, to pack her own lunch, to start counting points again, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

In fact, she looked forward to the breakfasts. She looked forward to the Little Debbies in her lunch. She looked forward to the rich dinners Chris made her. She craved dessert after every dinner. Food was one of her most dominant thoughts. She was literally day dreaming about it.

None of that changed the fact she wanted to be thin. She hated how her body gained. Most of her gains always went to her belly, hips and thighs.

She resolved to finally refuse the Cinnabon breakfast. She lay in bed waiting for Chris to return that morning and saying to herself again and again, "I am not eating it. I am going to have some self-control again."
When Chris returned and sat the tray with the roll and latte down in front of her, she looked at him and said, "I can't eat this anymore."

Chris, "What do you mean? Why not?"

Lana, "I can't eat it. I am gaining back some of the weight I lost, and it took me a long time to lose it. I have to start counting my points again and going to Weight Watcher's meetings again."

Chris, "Come on, what does it hurt? Just eat it. You know you enjoy it?"

Lana, "I am not a pig and I am not going to eat it."

She got up, put the roll back in the box and threw it into the trash. Then she took her robe and panties off and walked into he bathroom to shower.

She could not stop thinking about the Cinnabon Roll and latte while she showered. When she finished, she got out, dried herself off, dried her hair, and put on her makeup. The whole time she still could not get that roll out of her mind. Finally, she could take it no longer and dug the box it was in out of the trash and ate it.

That didn't satisfy her though. It was as though trying to deprive herself made her want even more. On the way into work she stopped and picked up a crème filled long john and ate it. Then for lunch, she went to Taco Bell and pigged out on it. That night she worked late and for the first time in her life stopped at a buffet restaurant to eat dinner. She made 2 trips to the buffet filling up her plate with dinner, then filled a plate with desserts and ate those. By the time she finished, she was miserably stuffed and her jeans were so tight on her she hand to unbutton the top when she got to her car.

She ended up consuming far more calories the day she tried to deprive herself than she did just eating what Chris brought her.