chapter 4

Even though I weigh less than April, her being 5" taller I didn't look that much smaller than her. It's time for the christmas party at work, but I blew that off and went with April to a friends party. She talked me into getting this ugly christmas sweater but I guess that was the theme, not that I own anything pretty to wear. Oh god, there's so much food here! Everything looks so good, I've spent the whole night eating at the buffet. April said I remind her of when she was first blimping up, I already have many of her habits at when she struggled to lose weight. This excited me for a moment, I'm having a lot of fun becoming a fat girl. Don't get me wrong, I hate how I look, so fat, so blah, and I feel so insecure, i lost a lot of self esteem, so I cannot wait until I can start dieting. Christmas came and went and it was time for our next weigh in. I've been extra stuffing my face because the holidays, but now it's the new year, we skipped a weigh in for the Holidays but now we need to get back into it. April, looking nice as usual but thinner and thinner, hops on the scale, "Aw, only lost 10 pounds, the holidays found me" Putting her at 245. Wow, only a 40 pound difference, well, until I find out how much I gained... Nervous I step on the scale, keeping my eyes closed, as April gasps, "Zoe, you've put on 30 pounds in the past month, you are only 10 pounds less than me, haha, I thought you looked bigger than me!" It's true, I weigh a little less but those 5" make a big difference. "Zoe, oh my god, at our next weigh in you will officially be fatter than me!"

Those words kept resonating in my ears as I stuffed myself. "I can't wait till I can start losing" I thought o myself, but wait, did I ever say when I could? At 235 I am officially fat, I'm obese according to my BMI. Maybe I should start dieting now. As I thought that, another though came to mind, just wait till the next weigh in and then Start your diet, let April weigh less before you drop it. And on that thought I ordered Chinese. The rest of the two weeks went by in a food filled blur, whenever I thought about how thin I used to be I wound up ordering something to eat. My house was a mess from how lazy and slobish I have become. I'll clean it later, I want some McDonald's. It's time for our weigh in. When I see April I tell her I think i'm big enough, it's time I start dieting, in which she agrees I should. April get's on the scale, "Another 10 pounds down! 235, woo! wonder how many you were able to pile on haha" I reluctantly get on the scale, 255, a 20 pound gain again. Oh well, this was it, I was going to start losing now. April made sure to mention as often as she could how she was the thin friend now haha. I liked hearing that, I didnt work out though, I'll do that tomorrow, enjoy one day of being the fat friend.

The next day came and went, and another and another. Each day I would find some excuse to postpone my diet. One of which was because McDonald's brought the McRib back, I had to have that! At the gym was a different story, I couldn't skip a workout, but god it's so hard, when did working out get so hard? By the end of my work out I was so huffy, April said I might need to ease myself back into it. I'm not looking forward to this next weigh in, no way I've lost more than a few pounds. Getting nervous before my weigh in I started munching on donuts, food has just become so ingrained in my life, almost every mood makes me eat. It's time for the weigh in, I had to have lost at least 5 pounds, I work out and I mean I try to eat good. April gets on the scale, "Down another 10! I'm on a roll here!" shes down to 225, I remember when I was 225... I get on the scale and watch the arrow spin, 265... up 10 pounds. "Well at least it was not 15 or 20 like usual, haha" Will I ever lose this weight?

It's been 5 months now, April has lost 100 pounds and counting! putting her at 125, I've managed not to gain too much, some weeks I even lose! But I'm still up to 298. I'm a little excited to see that number hit 300, but also scared. I already look larger than April did when I first met her because I am shorter. April on the other hand looks just as beautiful as ever. She was a knockout big, and she still is now! April told me I should get used to struggling to lose weight, it's much harder at the size I am, she was able to because of me gaining, it gave her something to work for. Good news is though, I am still bringing in clients, I have more than ever now actually, women love taking classes with a big girl. I only have one around my weight but shes struggling like me, I actually have a crush on her. I still live in hoodies, I just dont feel like I can pull off anything cutsie. I struggle with breakouts often, and too lazy to worry about doing my makeup too much anymore. My hair is frizzy and not as blonde as before. I'm trying to watch what I eat, it's hard I just get so many cravings, and I find myself eating when I don't realize it. Maybe one day I'll get back to my old weight